The 2017 Pisgah Mountain Bike Adventure Race: The Preamble of Self-Destruction

On the road at 3:00PM on Friday and an hour into my drive, Watts is voice texting me many expletives.

I'm barely going to make it to the Pisgah Tavern before it closes myself.  Dammit.  Get there, down a couple while shooting the shit with Jeff and Ben (no single speeders to be seen, meh), and head over to registration.  Set up my #vanlife in the back of the Fit of Rage and go hang out with whoever's standing around... because, #keglife.

Watts gets there and seems less livid and more jolly'esque (for Watts).  We register and then head out for mediocre Mexican and novelty-size Dos Equis nearby.

Bloated from beer and pollo fundido, I hop in his adventure wagon to get ready for the rest of our evening... and then Watts whips into the parking lot of a brewery that I didn't know was at the entrance to the Pisgah.  He buys us a round, but I'm now packed full to the back of my gullet, so he downs his and halps me with mine.  Back in the #vanlife parking lot, we either have another beer or not.  No one was there to document our behavior to my knowledge.  Go to "bed" and have a pleasant night's sleep.  So winning.

Wake up at 5:48AM before my 6:00AM alarm that probably never woulda went off because my stupid clunky phone only had 3% battery life.  Meh.

Start preparing the portable version of my seven minute breakfast, feeling like two hours is all the time in the world to get ready.  It's not... for a couple shit shows like us.

I don't remember the first thing that went wrong, but the probable mishandling of our timing chip that was handed to me mid-beering.  I have no idea where it is now.  Fuck.  Five minutes of panic searching and Watts's constant reassurance that it will "just turn up," and I find it.

Back to the normal panicking.

"Hey, Watts.  Did you install the fresh pads in your brakes yet?"

"No."

I walk over and look at his bike.

"Hey, Watts.  Did you know that your pad retaining bolt is missing?"

"I do now."

We're not even close to ready, and I can hear Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever calling everyone over for a racer meeting.

Everything is not going as planned, but it is going exactly as I expected it.

Exactly.