Thursday, March 29

It had to be blue

The other day, I got a surprise package from GORE Wear.

I don't really like surprises.

Granted, most surprises for me are of the clogged toilet, owing the IRS, or waking up with a sore body part that wasn't sore when I went to bed type.  I just like a certain amount of control over my environment, what little of it that I can have.  Maybe I sound like an asshole, but I'm not good at faking a happy reaction to something that I wouldn't necessarily bring into my world.  Buy me a stout or Saison and hand it to me.  See how well I can handle it.

So I open it.

I think my feelings about sleeves are well documented.  None or all.  That and V necks don't work that well with my pencil neck.  Matching Enduro™ outfits... unnnh...

It's like wearing a name tag or hairnet to me.

But baggies.

I'd all but given up on finding a pair of MTB specific baggies that work for me.  I've tried quite a few, and they just didn't work for a myriad of reasons.

I don't want my baggies to be too baggy.  Catching the wind, snagging on seats and whatnot, flapping about making me feel even skinnier than I am.

I don't wanna have to wear a belt to keep them up or have snap closures popping open while they're fighting with an elastic waist band.

I don't want cargo pockets with a pendulating load going all wrecking ball into my thigh.  Also having pockets where my leg bends just below the waist are dumb.

Not too long, not too short, not too baggy, not too pockety, not too blue...

This is why I've just been wearing cut-off slim fit pants/jeans from Goodwill

Shit tho, I'll try them on before I send them back.  Hmmmmm... they fit.  They're not too baggy.  They're not too long.  The waist?

These very accommodating Velcro tabs on each hip allow for a lot of adjustment, and the width keeps it from feeling all bound up when hunched over the bars.  Also, the zipper goes full-up to the top of the waist band so that the snap closure (with two snaps) isn't at risk of popping open during a full-shred moment.

What else do I normally bitch about?

The pockets.

Not cargo style or in that annoying place where my jorts pockets are.  Try pulling your phone outta a pair of slim fit jorts while riding and get back to me.  Not that I really wanna be getting at my phone while I'm riding, but sometimes I do.

The fit isn't too baggy.

Just enough room for movement, long enough to not feel dumb, short enough to not hearken back to the long forgotten days of Jams.

They are quite Enduro™ blue tho.

Given some time to think about it, I plan on wearing these a lot on next month's Send-ona Mancation.  Arizona.  Hot.  Not exactly the kinda place I'd wanna be wearing dark shorts.  I won't wear red (it's a thing for me), so my only other option woulda been green.

But I'll take the Enduro™ blue and wear it as ironically as possible.

For future reference, GORE Wear, olive green and sad brown are my faves.

Speaking of being a fierce invalid riding in hot climates very soon, these things are ventilated AF.

Not only do the side zips go up, exposing a mesh panel to make room for pads, they zip down to keep the shorts still not too baggy while providing ventilation.   There's also some mesh-like panels front and rear to maximize airflow.

The softball... I mean "Enduro™ jersey goes back, but these shorts are keepers.  I'll still wear my jorts from time to time when I feel like being ironic in the other direction tho.  Also, based on the fit and function of these shorts, I put in a request for a pair of C5 Trail Light shorts (in understated gray).

They still have the spray protection on the crotch and inner thigh and some decent ventilation, but they're just a bit more un-ironic me for when that mood strikes.

Surprises aren't entirely bad, I guess... better on my terms tho.

I'll go ahead and give them my Seal of Semi-Approval.

I love almost everything about them. Hands down, best ever MTB-specific baggies I've ever owned. That said... blue?  It's as if I tempted the fates all those years ago when I coined the term POC Approved Blue™, and now it's come full circle to bite me in my very Smurf-like ass.  Whatever.

Now where did I put my ironic goggles?


jay said...

... I have ironic goggles...

dougyfresh said...

I have a pair of the Troy Lee skyline shorts and they fit quite well. Look similar to the Gore shorts you have. My Endura are nice but lots of pockets to weigh things down. My other shorts are minimal baggies but not snug around the waist.

TJ Morton said...

"I won't wear red (it's a thing for me). . " but red is so fast!