What's going on?

You might be asking that.

I might be wondering that.

I'm looking at 2019 and thinking about what to do.

There's a certain part of me that wants to recommit to being a "tryer."  I'll be eligible to race in the 50+ class at races where it's an option.  I'd still be racing (one of) my single speed(s).  I do realize that an honest effort has to start soon tho.  Better to now shed the weight, live a slightly healthier lifestyle, and come in swinging in January (Winter Short Track, what?).

But then?  If I choose to make the most of the entire year, which races should I do?  PMBAR is obvs (no 50+ but Watts and I are going to actually "try" this year) and some of the other King of Pisgah races interest me, now that the back-to-back 111k/55.5k weekend isn't part of the series anymore, the 55.5 replaced with a months later garvel race I've never done before.

Trans-Sylvania Epic is making a comeback in 2019.  The idea of doing Breck Epic as a Duo 50+ team has been tossed around.  Another shot at the Shenandoah Mountain 100 in the old fart category?

I should mention that it's not like the 50+ class in the endurance scene is lacking in talent.  It takes more than one hand's worth of fingers to count some guys that I know can readily woop on my ass.  Then take into consideration that I'm at an age where a growing portion of my peers (in general life) are doing things like taking testosterone... something I wouldn't bother with, but after watching Icarus, I understand why someone would.  Asthma?  Sure, grab a puffer and open up those lungs.  Naturally decreasing T levels?  DISCRACED CYCLIST.

Do I give a shit?

Dunno.  It's just bike racing as a distraction from things that aren't bike racing.

Or I can just continue being a pile of shit that relies on old man legs, a certain amount of tenacity, and thoughts and prayers?  That would make it easier to fit in a Wydaho Vanlife trip with Bill Nye, and what about the can't-miss Dirt Rag Dirt Fest WV?   How am I gonna skip that?  Oh yeah, I already booked my room for the NORBA... I mean final UCI WORLD CUP event in Snowshoe next August BECAUSE I'M NOT MISSING THAT (even tho I still don't own normal people footwear for standing around on the side of a WV mountain).

Hmmm....

I was supposed to start doing smart things on November 1.  I told myself so.  Follow-through has been less than ideal.  Beer still tastes good.  So does food and unwanted Halloween candy.

So here I sit in a fog of indecisiveness, staring into the abyss... beer in one hand, behk(s) in the other.