Friday, May 29

Fjear the Costner

"Eeewwwwww, is that your backfat I feel squishing between my fingers?""

Yesterday's post got me thinking a bit about the weighty subject of weight and the weight it bears on my future cycling performance. I know this has been done before in some fashion or another on some other blogs and perhaps a few episodes of Oprah, but I'm calling myself out in a very public manner in order to shame myself into a more serious attempt to drop some lb's in the next five weeks.

That's the cold, hard facts this morning. I've been pretty stagnant at that weight since about February, except for a few spurts into the low 130's. I've even seen slightly higher numbers that have brought me to the brink of the unthinkable 140's. It's time to put a stop to this madness.

"My name's Wyatt Earp. It all ends now!!!"

Aside from paying Kevin Costner to brandish a shotgun in my general direction and shout his memorable Earp'ish quote at me I figure this might be the best I can do. I will post my weight and fat content here on my blog every day (well, every business day) until I leave for the Breck Epic. This will be my morning weight, after I do a number one, but before I have a chance to partake in a number two. The goal will be somewhere in the range of 126 pounds, although those of you with a sharp brain may be quick to point out that if those fat % numbers are true that would leave me with 2.104 lbs of fat and a 1.66% body fat number. I don't tend to put too much faith in the body fat number since hydration can mess with that number, and I just use it as a general guide anyhow.

Why bother with all this?

I've spent some time over at now and again way back when I was racing 24's for Ellsworth Team Twentyfour. There is a tool there that let's you calculate the Benefit of Less Weight over given distances, slopes, and whatnot. There's a lot more info there than my brain can absorb, but when you see the massive time gains that are available given the same power output with less weight if you just walk away from the doughnuts... staggering. Figuring that there's 40,000 feet of climbing at the Breck Epic it would serve me well to not be carrying any more of me than I have to. Since I don't want to go all the way to Colorado just to suck I might as well do what I can to put on a good show.

Some folks will be quick to point out that a two pound a week weight loss (basically running on a daily 1,000 calorie deficit) is not exactly the best idea for someone who's trying to keep muscle mass (it's a bit funny to refer to me as having anything that can be referred to as "mass"). Whatever. That's my magic number, and I'm sticking to it. If I wanted advice I'd pay lots of money for it.

I realize I could just ride more, but I think my rubber band is stretched quite thin at the moment. I'd have to give up sleep, blogging, or my family to make that happen, so errrmmmm... that ain't happening.

So let's see where this goes. Any takers that I won't lose a pound? Anybody want to play against the odds and take the 20-1 long shot that I'll pull it off? Vegas is all a buzz right now, and the bookies are taking the action. Place your bets. The horses have been called to the gate.


the original big ring said...

You're such a lard ass!

Pffft . . . 136lbs . . . I eat that much for breakfast.

I've given up trying to lose weight or get to my 'ideal race weight'. Wasn't fun. I'm living by my new catch phrase: the bigger the cushion, the better the push'in.

Feel free to use it . . . fatty.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me feel like a big fat blob.

I will bet that you can hit 140 before I can hit 160.

Anonymous said...

Did you know the analytical cycling guy is the father of multi time national champion and multi time world championship medal winner Katie Compton? She is fast through PURE power AND smarts!

Anonymous said...

Hi, my name is Mike Brown. I weigh 165 pounds and have 12% body fat last time I stood on a Tanika (about a month ago).

Rich, reading about your skinny arse obsessing about pounds and %'s is both one of the funniest posts and one of the most indicative posts of how your brain works I've seen.


Peter Keiller said...

i've paid for sex with women who weigh more than 136 lbs.

i guess if there is an up side to losing all that can use all the 'GymBucks' you accumulated over the winter...

mattfreed said...

so - I am assuming you are like 5'5"?

dicky said...

I'm 5'7" and the width of a spoke high, but I am shrinking.

Anonymous said...

It's all in the dick!
Yah gotta down size hun!
I licked the dicky. Yah gotta do something about it.

or lipo suction!
Careful though, you may end up with an inny and not an outty.

Then you wouldn't get chicked so often though.

Use duct tape.

Anonymous said...

he's my bitch. Leave him alone!

Jill Homer said...

You should just do what other people do and spend $300 to shave 0.54 grams off your seatpost.

dicky said...

Too late Jill: