Giftorzing

Holidays.

I've been gifted half an entire day of work today by my employer.  At 1:12 this afternoon, I'm hoping to make this a reality (at an as of yet undisclosed location... probably the Common Market for lack of effort to find a better location).

A great way to start things off.  My Christmas day plans are up in the air, and that is fine with me.  Just another day at this point.  Quite possible that I'll either be shoveling dog poop at the Charlotte Humane Society with The Pie and Nia, or I'll be clearing trail for the Tour duh Charlotte.

Merry Christmas.

Maybe my gift to myself will be bled brakes and fresh (installed) bottom bracket bearings.  I'd like that.  Little else.  Maybe better hair.

I have a happy life and a content one at that.  Fortunate... blessed if you will. 

The only thing I ever really want is more time.  Time without commitments?  Time to ride?

Maybe just time to sleep.

That said, I'm gifting myself a few days off.  Shutting things down here until the new year.  I can use the break.

Things are normally pretty dull around here this time of year, but since joining the Faster Mustache Team of Global Putrification (or at least the portion of the globe located at 35.2269° N, 80.8433° W), my winters are not the time of leisure they used to be.  Preparing for the Tour duh Charlotte and now talks of an attempt to "dominate" the "team thing" at the Charlotte Short Track Series...

not to mention the Icycle, which supposedly has an actual date of January 25th and a small inkling of desire to attend one (just one, as a target of opportunity) Snake Time Trial.

All this really cuts into my ability to be really lazy, organize my glove pile, and go to the mountains to do 20 mile/five hour rides.

See you next week.  Grab a virtual shutdown commemorative t-shirt on your way out (size small only).

This is what you get

I got out for a ride on the Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5 with Bill Nye on Saturday.  I have not ridden it since some time in September (I think) save for the Back Yard Experience, where it really only played a supporting role.

So much recent excite over the new big squishy fjork and disposable drooper post on the Dickstickel Meatplow V.6.  I've just ignored the shiny bike in the corner... until the other day.

Observations?

I forgot that my bottom bracket bearings are shot.  Even though I have two sets of Enduro bearings on the peg board, they are not effective until they are actually installed.  Pretty sure I figured out that I had an issue a couple months ago.  Gotta get on that... but hopefully with more resolve than the last time I noticed it.

The 2.35 Ikon was still mounted up front from when I thought I was gonna race this bike at the Wilkes 100k, but then ended up racing the whole 650b debacle machine.  Gotta say, I feel good about this tire and gotta get some more time on it before the "season."  Way faster than the 2.4 Ardent.

Way.


And the last thing,  The rear brake needs to be bled, but in a bad way.  Perhaps on one of these upcoming "holidays," I will take care of that as opposed to staring at a TV or a wall.

Sunday, I gathered with some of the Faster Mustache crew to work on a trail that will be part of the 2014 Tour duh Charlotte.  I don't wanna give away the location, but I'll drop a clue.  We gathered at the end of a quiet road, an area known to many as Big Lover's Lane.

Some of the trail is already built from previous efforts put forth by various Faster Mustaches.  Our goal is to make a pleasant experience that will not require the use of prophylactics.

photo cred: Nike Fedele

Here Zac is removing a small stump whilst trying to not disturb a sleeping grub.  We care that much about your fun and a little creature's sleep habits.

To avoid doing much real labor, I did a lot of "scouting..."

photo cred: Nike Fedele

Wherein, I carried a tool (which I broke while using it incorrectly) and did a lot of pointing and hiding behind trees.  I don't like to brag, but my two and a half months of experience in upper middle management really came in handy.

We will have a quality day in store for those that come to the 2014 Tour duh Charlotte.  No doubt, there will still be some meetings with raised voices and a decent amount of work ahead of us.  Rest assured, we're not happy unless you're happy, and we're a bunch of enthusiastic people who prefer to be happy whenever possible.

And BTW:  If you have not gone over to the Crank Brothers smashing blog post by Team-Robot, you must... now.  It's the kinda post that I feel like I would write if I bothered to take the time, but I never will.  Waking up and just coming off the top of my head has its disadvantages (reduced quality) but also its advantages (reduced effort).  Feel free to  linger and read some of the older stuff while you're there.  Take some time though, as the whole thing has a 2007'ish blog feel to it, rather a jumble of random images, embedded videos, and occasionally a literary gem or two.

The best things in life are gratuitous

In honor of things that aren't and things that are, I decided to drink the last Happy Ending in the fridge...

being that Sweetwater announced the coming of the 2014 batch.

I've never held onto a beer for nine months.  Never again.  It just tasted like beer.  No rainbows or angels singing when I popped it open.  What a waste.

I almost decided to save it for another time, as I got another care package from Big E.  I tried not to get my hopes up too high, but the last time I got a box from him, I was beyond thrilled.

And the contents did not disappoint.

Oh how I miss thee.  Ever since they were handing them out like candy in Sun Valley, I've just had something for Ninkasi beer.  Nothing like falling in love with something that will never be attainable.  Now I know how Danny Zuko felt about his summer love... well, right before she moved to his high school and he saw her way too much and all the singing happened.

Like Porky's, but with way too many musical numbers and far too little gratuitous nudity.

Anyways, it's nice to hear from readers occasionally, get a little hand written feedback...

or something to keep my beer cold.

In order to keep up with the pleasing of the people, I had been requested to follow up on how my KS LEV drooper is doing.

I had already reported that there was a wiggle right out of the box.

An unanswered email and a follow up call to be told that my experience was normal, in that there was nothing to worry about even if I wasn't normally normal.

But then two weeks ago, I noticed a clunk.

Sorry it was shot with the phone held the wrong way.  Get past that.

One to two millimeters of up-down thunking.  Meh.  A call was placed last Friday.  A message was left.

Time passed.

I called again last night.  "This is not normal," said the voice on the other end.

The good thing is that I was told that it's better that it's happening now as opposed to later.  Now the post goes back in the box and out to California, so I won't be droopy for at least two weeks.

Drooper posts and customer service go together like classic 80s movies and gratuitous boobs, occasional beav shots, and penile humor.

Hmmm... that gives me an idea for the next Team Dicky Meat and Greet.

Stay tuned...

Testing Positive for Negativity

I think the negativity is over... to some degree... for a little while.

A day away from blogging.  Some extra sleep.  A victory over a broken washing machine that made me feel oh so Steve Tilford'esque.

When he isn't making great bike race or writing even greater blog post, he's fixing things... like houses, major household appliances, cars and space shuttles.

So much has happened recently.  The SRAM Discgate has reached Sinyard Level One, calling for a public apology from the president (of SRAM) himself.

Not only has he pulled all 38,000 systems off the market, he's asked the marketing team to create a little more honest advertising.

As much humor as I can find in this, my heart goes out to guys like "well known columnist (and Mike Sinyard love letter writer)" Dean Frieders who owns... or should I say "owned" a disc equipped MOOTS.

I think that bike is hawt.  I would own that bike... probably hate the gears, but hanging on my wall, it would surely impress visitors.

SRAM is doing the right thing by hooking up owners of their flailing hydro system with cable actuated disc brakes, and we all know how awesome they work in the nasty conditions that merit the use of discs... right?

Cane Creek's very own Eric Smith (Team Hoffenchard) thinks canti brakes are just fine.  Not only did he brave the elements at last weekend's NC CX race, he managed to save seven kitties that were stuck in the mud while racing to a top something or other finish.

Cantilever brakes did that.

Positive segue.

Next "season."  It's in the planning stages.

Jan-March.  Not much on the menu.  Will the Icycle XC/Night Downhill happen?  That's the question that's on everyone's lips this time of year.  It's always off until someone says it's on and then it's on like your momma's thong.

Winter short track racing.  Word is that the promoter is thinking about dropping USA Cycling.  I like that.  Makes me feel as giddy as a school girl who likes to race short track.  You like that?  Let him (them) know.  nealboyd@charlottesportscycling.com

Snake Time Trial Series.  Every year I get asked if I'm going.  Then I look at the logistics, the cost, my physical fitness levels... then I pass.  Looks so good.  I just need a bit more than intrinsic motivation to make it happen. 

Faster Mustache will be bringing back the Tour duh Charlotte in March.  My fingers will be in that pie, so much of the focus of that month will be on helping make it happen.

And then in May, I start making great bike race...

More later (but not soon).

You can not force open the petals of a flower

Yesterday's post was uninspired.

It's the season... not to be confused with the "season."

I think I bottomed out a little early this year.  Maybe it's because in my history of being an employable human, I've only enjoyed less than two years of labor that wasn't negatively impacted by what some refer to as "the holidays."

You know those people that just live for these weeks of supposed bliss?  The ones who love to go shopping for shit their loved ones didn't even know they needed, baking consumables for a bunch of people who don't really need to be sticking anything else in their mouths, so much so that it get's left out and tossed away while others are starving not just across the globe but across town?  Happy, smiling fucks that can't wait to say "Merry Christmas"... even if it's a fucked up holiday, a mix of so many pagan and Christian traditions that should make any sane person say "Dafuq you say?"

Those people.  Invert that attitude and you have me.  Growing in my bitter, cynical ways every year.  Christmas paper wars, wherein you send out a preemptive attack to known enemies early on and if more correspondence arrives to your house, you send a retaliative volley of offensively cheerful garbage stuffed in an envelope and know that somehow you won?  I just don't take part and occasionally offend those that do.

I know what you're thinking.

"I know that I do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?"

Perhaps.

I am bored.  My to-do list (otherwise known as my inbox) has little to keep my busy.

Pointless emails that I've held onto... blog fodder... some for perhaps too long.

Time to let them go.  All of them.

And I'm wasting a certain amount of storage holding onto updates regarding my new bell.  It's the only thing I'm waiting on for my new bike (other than the frame), now that my wheels are here:

Yes, the front wheel is ironically the Enduro™ model, but keep in mind that Industry Nine was Enduro before Enduro™ went all Enduro™™.  I want the extra volume up front and nothing as silly as a little extra weight and irony can hold me back.

It just struck me that my new frame... Vertigo.  More than just the name of a desirable ti frame maker.

noun: vertigo

1.

a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness.

Irony is everywhere, even when I'm not looking for it.  Anyone who is not familiar with my fear of heights, go back and read my La Ruta posts and get back to me.

And why for crissakes, am I holding onto update emails about a bell?

Dunno.

Since they only expected to sell about a thousand $35-45 bells, but in the end sold closer to ten thousand...

The delivery date has been postponed from November until...  because...

They had to acquire a larger space to assemble the bells.

And then design packaging.

And instructions.

So for my $80 investment in two bells that I hoped to have in November...

All I have to hold onto are these emails.

I know how El Guapo felt on his birthday.  I don't want a sweater.  I want my guns (bells... same thing).



At least I cleared out a couple emails from my inbox. That's something.

Beating my Doldrum Slowly

Two weekends in a row of potential cyclocross wonder to witness.

Two weekends in a row of missed opportunities.

Two weekends ago, Single Speed Cyclocross Worlds looked like it was one for the ages.  Bilenky Junkyard Cross, something I've looked longingly across the room at for years...


A weekend of debauchery that ended in snow and with two new champions ready for a tattoo.

Single speed cyclocrossers around the world are tearing down their Princess Leia posters and updating their decor.

The UCI NC Gran Prix was this past weekend.  Rain, cold, mud, and the bigs showed up to play as well.  Staring at images on FaceBook all weekend did not fill the void.  Hearing that Nick "Dip-n-Spray" Barlow had no place to stay and slept full-dirt style under the Birdsong Team EZ Up after the first day of racing?  My void was filled slightly.

Me?  Here in Charlotte, watching the rain fall, dealing with Christmas for the non-consumer woes, wondering what it would be like to ride a bike for fun again, and dishing out more false indignation on FaceBook with photoshop.

I was that bored at times.  I even almost bled my Shimano brakes, and was narrowly saved with a text from Kurt that we would indeed ride.  Nothing special, a tool about town, something to get out of the house.  Meet at 2:15.
It was 1:34.   I scrambled.  Out the door in an efficient manner, at the meeting location eight minutes early... ignoring the incoming texts burning up my jersey pocket the whole way there in order to be on time.

Of course those texts were all concerning moving back the meeting time.

Joey was making waffles.  Priorities reset.  Ride to his house, get asked to make a non-enriched, bleached white flour supply run as soon as I get there, not know what to say aside from "Okay?", come back with said ingredient, and watch Joey make waffles as Kurt and I look at maps and eat waffles.

I did not need any waffles, but Joey said, "No-waffles are not on the menu."

Finally out the door...

Wait.  Joey has a flat.

Back to Joey's.

And then back out on a ride... scoping potential Tour duh Charlotte possibilities and generally just riding about with little regard in terms of fitness or goals.  Maybe more time spent walking around in the briars along Sugar Creek than actual riding.  Still counts as a ride.

At least I made some progress on the new bike recently.  There's that.

Key piece of the puzzle.  I fondled it, thought about putting it on the Christmas tree, realized it might get packed away unknowingly by my family come January, and thought better of it. 

Did I mention I'm at full-Ullrich already?

Finis.

weeeeeee.

The overlap in the current world of industry insider (past and present) douchbagginess is massive as of late.  No sooner than I make plans to procure something for which I have great desire, I see that others have obtained them before me.

photo cred: Stevil

So not only did Stevil fill my hole at Dirt Rag, he also managed to use his industry insider douchbagginess to get the bibs of my dreams for FREE, but then he also-also titles his most recent post (of substance) "Here comes the corn™," totally disregarding the fact that I trademarked TM'ing things for no reason at all.*

I have been wanting bibs with multiple rear pockets for quite some time.  Remember my excite when Specialized (which is currently being lambasted on the internet for loading a moving truck full of baby seals using a pitchfork) came out with their SWAT concept?

As of the moment, buying anything from Specialized is akin to placing the baby seals on the tines of the baby seal loading pitchfork, so these bibs I no can haz, lest I be pelted in red paint the second I leave the premises.  Fortunately, Giro came out with an alternative... that I had to actually buy if I wanted to own.  No amount of cajoling or douchebaggy handshakes was gonna work for me.

Despite the fact that we both lay our items on a similar looking hardwood floor, we are not "shacked up."  You may also notice that my bibs have an unfashionable white piping while his sports a more distinguished black... certainly an industry insider douchebag standard issue special order.
I was a fan of Giro helmets for more than a decade of mountain biking and unprofessional cycling... but then there was the whole Roc Loc 5 debacle.  The "we'll warranty things for awhile if we know it's a failure until said point in time when we decide we don't feel like it anymore" thing.

I also love(d) their gloves... right up until the point where I bought a pair of Giro DND Black/Rad Star gloves that got a hole in them, were warrantied, and then that pair of gloves got a hole in them as well.

All that aside, I once again spent hard earned money on a product with hopes and aspirations of making great bike ride.  Bib undershorts with pockets means baggy shorts and baggy shirts, but with the ability to carry all my wares.  This means I can finally buy that carefree flannel riding shirt I had my eye on and that the industry so enthusiastically endorses.

Riding in flannel is the new riding without tools... except I still wanna carry mine because shit happens.

Look away from the Specialized helmet (that hasn't broken) and look at the Giro glove that hasn't fallen apart.

Lee flatted on last week's ride and after stopping to pump it up twice, I remembered that I had a preloaded Genuine Innovations Tubeless Tire Repair Tool in my Tülbag.  We stuck it in, pumped it up, dramatically re-enacted the insertion, Joey took a photo to document the moment (which was as real as the immortalized image of the raising of the flag on Iwo Jima and people seemed to like that), and finished the ride with no air loss... so, win.

I just won't ride without tools, even though I might forget that I have them with me.

So how well did the shorts work?

I made it out Saturday for a ride in the Pisgah (Wilson Creek, y'all), but I've run outta time...

so check back tomorrow.

*The original Enduro™ stickers are still available at great nonprofit to me.  Hit me at teamdicky at hotmail dot com for details.

Who's in charge of me?

Well, I accidentally selected my "Sleep in Wednesdays" alarm last night.  The good news being that I got an extra 50 minutes of sleep.  The bad news being that I don't have time for a decent blog post or even the less than decent kind you're used to.

My apologies.

You now get recycled FaceLeaks and whatever else I can bang out in twenty minutes.

I was a little pissed about something I read on the Jingle Cross Rock FacePage, which I can no longer find, but I assure you that USAC is doing a fine job at nothing but being themselves.  Taking money from the mouths of babes...

There was some good news yesterday.

Probably the first time I've ever registered for a race more than a thousand miles from my home with no idea how I'm getting there, where I'm staying, or with whom I'm traveling.  I see great opportunities for fail here.  I also wanted to discuss the first part of my "season" today in an effort to get some input...

Guess that will happen later.

And one more final bit.

Stevil will be writing for Dirt Rag... I assume starting with the next issue that falls in your IRL mailbox.  I must say that goes into the Does Not Suck column.  This is really great for me, as I'll get one more page of original content to read.  This is also great for Stevil, as he won't have to sell as many stickers in order to finance his Budweiser habit and bingo addiction.

Anf finally, as sore as I was yesterday from my ill-advised five mile run with Bill Bye two days ago, I am now in seven times more pain this morning.

Like Kathy Bates took a sledgehammer to my legs sore.



Something like that, but worse.