The Horny Cat 69: Brought to you by Mutual of Omaha (not really)

Finally.  Details for the Horny Cat 69 ride on September 9th.

This will be the post I'd like ANY of you to refer to if you're trying to spread the word OR figure things out for yourself.  There won't be a Facebook event page (not that I'm going to create), because I want to keep this manageable.

There will be a hangout after the ride. We would love it IMMENSELY if you could donate $10 to the pizza/beer/soda fund, because a hangout without pizza/beer/soda is dumb. I have a hose if you're thirsty otherwise because I literally can't stop any cheapskate party-hater from joining us on a bike ride.  This is America, and you have all the rights to do all the things you think you can do.

Shoot me an email at SMELLYCAT100K at hotmail dot com, and I'll shoot you my VENMO deets for payment.

WE WILL HAVE A RAIN DATE of September 23rd if ANY of the trails we'd planned on riding are closed. If that date does not work, THERE ARE NO REFUNDS.  I might try and squeeze another rain date into late October, but if I can't, I will donate your $10 to the Tarheel Trailblazers. You'll feel good about that. Trust me. Seriously, if you can't afford to have $10 disappear like a fart in the wind, you shouldn't be doing this event anyways.  Any leftover money from pizza/beer/soda fund will go that way as well, because I'm planning on making -$40 on this (routing with Ride With GPS ain't free). After I get your money, your name and email address will be on the distribution list to get all the details about the race to include; parking, general warnings, the course details, and gpx, fit, and Ride With GPS routes.  ONLY DONATERS WILL GET THE DEETS BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE PARTY, THIS ISN'T YOUR KINDA RIDE... unless it is, because... America?

The ride will start and end near the Back Yard Tails system @9:00 to give you a general idea you can sorta plan around (plan on showing up @7-30-8:00AM), but the exact information will be in that email, and obvs we're gonna need you to get there much earlier than that to sort yinz out.

What about that email?

You will get an email from me on the evening of September 6th.  Check your junk box if you don't see it, just in case it gets flagged as SPAM.  If you don't get it, HMU.  I'll keep accepting VENMO donations until 11:59PM September 3rd, Sunday, so I can get the email out to everyone with plenty of time for riders to see the route and give ALL the details a good looksee. 

The email you get will begin thusly:

Things you should know.  There are a lot of details so put on your readers and sit down.  SAVE THIS EMAIL SO YOU CAN REFER TO IT ON THE DAY IF YOU GET CONFUSE.

This an unsupported ride-at-your-own-risk group ride with an absolute "will drop you" policy on an arduous unmarked route, and the "group" will probably fall apart immediately.  This is why we highly advise you to DOWNLOAD THE ATTACHED ROUTE (edit: letting geared butthole people know that the ROUTE WILL BE LINKED IN THE EMAIL), load it up to your device, and use it (yes, you need a device).  Do not think that you will be able to just "follow someone else."  That won't pan out.  Or mebbe it will.  Consider bringing a charging block to keep your Garmin/Wahoo alive all day long, because...

To be an official finisher of this ride-at-your-own-risk thing, you will need to provide a STRAVA file (or similar) to prove it when you finish. Expect many pats on the back and attaboys/attagirls upon return.  This is not a race, so leave any and all dickhead racer attitudes at the door.  It's not just a bike ride tho... it's an adventure. 

Speaking of adventure...

 
If you are not comfortable with this, DON'T COME.  Pretty simple, eh?  

And really, if you don't have a Garmin or Wahoo or similar, know how to load a route, and then know how to follow that route, consult the nearest 20-30 something year old cyclist and get yourself sorted ASAP.

The email will also give some suggestions on "being prepared," but if you're the kinda person who has to be told how to prepare for something like this, mebbe you should race Summer Shart Tarck instead.

I didn't really wanna ask for money for the party, but it kinda makes sense.  First and foremost, a little green means you have enough skin in the game for me to bother with all the hassles involved in making this happen and mebbe you'll actually show up.  Tables and EZ-Ups don't erect themselves, and I don't have volunteers standing around in my yard every Saturday.  Shit, you can just give me $10 bucks and show up at my house to drink beer and eat pizza.  You can even skip parts of the route and do whatever you want.  You might have to wait on me to get back from doing my "duties," but you did pay, so whatevs.

There.  That's it.  If you send me an email with questions, I might answer them.  Might.  Depends on how dumb the question is.  I do have a life, and I will be on an extended vacation in August, so there's that.

See you on September 9th.