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Wednesday, January 14

Stabbin' up the pad with the vocab

How does the 2005 24 Hour SS World champ (not to mention 2007 NUE SS champ and president of The Facial Hair for Men Club) train for Single Speed Arizona?
Dejay Birtch (now sponsored by Stayfree Maxi Pads, Massengill, and Lifetime Network for Women) out training with his new "training" wheels on some gnarly cracked pavement in Arizona.

There you have it. Dejay should be more careful when guarding his dirty little secrets. I mean, he's just like Lance... he can't leave the house, wipe his ass, or even think about wiping his ass without some paparazzi getting an embarrassing shot and selling it to the highest bidder (I got this photo for $5).
Singleswizzle.com?? More like Pringleshizzle.com* if you ask me.

Gears? Check.
Squish? Double Check.
Removal of genitals? He'd better check.

* Pringle, as in a potato chip but not quite a real potato chip, and shizzle as in Syncros... I mean shit.

Guitar Ted asked me the other day what was up with my mullet. Well, it's not so much of a mullet as it is an experiment.


The price I pay getting up at 5:15 every morning to blog.

Every winter I let my hair grow out in the name of warmth, but I always get stymied early on. My head starts to itch because I wear a cycling cap under my helmet all day, and once the dandruff starts to drift up on my shoulder I cut it off. This year I decided to do something different. My last self-serve haircut was the week before Fool's Gold last August. Since then I stopped using shampoos with sodium laurel ethyl sulfate (a mild foaming agent derived from coconut that removes the natural oils from hair), and I started using organic ONLY shampoos. Now there's no itching, no dandruff, and no stopping me from achieving a look that will have women propositioning me in the streets of Charlotte.


"Is it the hair, the ear ring, or the leather vest? You tell me."

I just need to get some proper shades ASAP. Smith makes these sweet (and very appropriately named) Serpico's. I know I said that hair is a vain indulgence in endurance racing, but maybe this is the year of the Vain Indulgence Tour.....

Speaking of vanity...

This idea popped in my head the other day. Does it smack of blasphemy? Would naming the new bike anything other than Meatplow be wrong? Would it be selling out or a funny play on words?? With bike names like Mooto X, Vamoots, Rigormootis, Mootour, Comooter, and the Sound of Mootsic (all right, I made that one up) doesn't it seem like a natural fit??

10 comments:

Billy said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, hohohohohoho, hahahahahaha.
Awesome Senor Birch thanks for taking that pic Becky!!

Thanks
`Billy

Guitar Ted said...

Taking a stab at Deejay and then putting your mug in the same post?

I'm thinking their will be a retaliation post and photo having to do with your less than manly facial hair output, or............something!

Anyway, a bold move on your part. I'm sure Mike Piazza will be busy negotiating a price for saving your reputation once again. You should really give that guy a raise!

Anonymous said...

So I am at the computer this morning reading the blog and in walks my five year old. She looks at Dicky's picture and asks "is that man a criminal?" Priceless!

Nerd On A Bike said...

My god, you look like the (younger) Boss back in the 'Born In The USA' video days.

Anonymous said...

Fried chicken

Luis G. said...

Yes #1 on the bottom of the crop list, my 2009 goasl has already been attained!

Tim said...

"Mootplow"?

How about something more in line with the era of Serpico like "Moot Loaf - Bad Idea out of Hell"

Then you could get a killer tattoo to really set it off!

Chris said...

You look like the love child of Mick Jones(The Clash) and Elvis Costello with an outside shot The Boss mighta jumped the fence,

Jason said...

dude you look like Spingsteen

Anonymous said...

All this from somebody that can't stretch the leash out long enough, not to leave his friends hi and dry with out a ride to a not to be missed Cycling Adventure!!