Friday, May 28

So long, farewell, a Billy Zane goodbye (part II)

I know I used it before, but I just like a bald Billy Zane that much.

So with one day to go before I leave for the Trans Sylvania Epic I'm not too worried. This calm feeling I have is unsettling since I'm normally a bit of a wreck heading into a stage race, so being overwhelmed with serenity makes me nervous. I wondered if the pros have similar feelings, so I went fishing for answers.

Rebecca Rusch seems to be fully prepared. She's been talking to her coach, and he has her on the track to success. My coach is a three inch bobble head representation of a retired baseball player with a strong Judas Priest influence, so I don't feel like talking to him will make much of a difference.

"Rock hard, ride free. All day, all night."

I thought to myself, "Self, who's the most pro'iest pro I know?"

Ahhh, of course.... Jeremiah Bisquick. Wonder what he's up to.

A click and a scan over at reveals that Jeremiah's just thinking about packing. He's so pro he has a pro level "World Traveler's Stage Race Packing List".

This is what it takes to make it to the big leagues; a good coach and a packing list. I perused Jeremiah's list to see if perhaps we packed similar things. One of the most amazing things is that Jeremiah only has three sub categories; The Basics, Personal, and Clothing. Apparently he doesn't have to bring bike parts or a even a bike as Cannondale just drop ships new equipment to him for race day use. What does he bring?

This seems a bit decadent in my book for a stage race, but I guess he would look silly smoking his pipe in his boxers.

This is actually pretty smart. I don't speak Amish, so I probably won't venture out into the PA countryside a whole lot. I know there's a world of quaint shops in the area selling cheese, furniture, and androgynous corn husk dolls, but I've heard they're a scheisty bunch, so I'll probably stay close to camp in my spare time.

All I can say is "I told you so."

Perhaps this is something that all pro level travelers should carry, sorta like towels in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I have another theory. Perhaps Jeremiah packs a bandana for more heinous reasons. I know I might be stretching it a little thin here, but perhaps he finances his season of racing by robbing banks all summer Point Break'esque style.

"I know Dicky. I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth. But, not this time. "

Best beef up the security at the State College Credit Union and Farmer's Market.

While I am gone over the next week keep sending in your entries for the Twin Six Jersey Contest. All the details are here in this post, so I'm not gonna waste time (mine and yours) reposting them here. Take five minutes, embarrass yourself asking your significant other to take a photo of you, and win a jersey or a pack of Awesome.

I'm off on my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types". Will I crush Cush? Will I make the Fit Chick seem less than fit? Will I destroy Peter or pull Peter the whole way ("pulling Peter" apparently means something in Amish speak)? I see Jasen Thorpe's name on the start list, but since I think he left the magazine industry to chase his dream of being a child starlet I'm not counting him in the running. Will I defeat Grig in my actual category for the title of strongest 24 Hour Single Speed World Champ in a Stage Race?

We shall see. Hopefully the regrowing of my moustache just for this race will not be in vain. It just seems like if my moustache gets more press than Grig I need to try to harness its awesome folicular powers.

Perhaps I'll post from the road, but if not check out Peter's blog for all the facts (that would be the antithesis of all Peter speak).


cornfed said...

Potato / Potatoe

Universe / Galaxy

220 / 221 whatever it takes.

dicky said...


dicky said...

Restaurant at the End of Your Ass.

brado1 said...

Mike Brown is the New Billy Zane

wv: tocarbil

Peter Keiller said...

okay enough LOVE-ME shite.

you've been kissing in the general direction of Rusch's ass since she vocally scoffed in your general direction (NAPA 2008).
you've been blindly suckling toward the teet of Thurston Bishop since he mis-undentified you at a coffee shoppe (BRECK 2009).

you are better than this.
let them go.

your real friends love you dearly, love you doggie,'re beginning to look more desperater then a 15y/o 3 beers down leaving a Porky's screening.

Metro said...

Hmm smoking pipes in boxers barefoot?

Now I know what to do in between laps at the Burn this weekend while the real "pros" have their team mechanics turning wrenches. Maybe if I offer the mechanics a pull it will give me a chance to make some time on the field. “Hey man wouldn’t it be funny if we reversed the brake levers?”

F*ck it up in PA dude.


cornfed said...

Which class did Bisquick sign up for again? The "feminine hygiene products" & "make up" items more befitting of a Peter, Bisquick, or a Grig than a Rusch.

Surprised he didn't add a shovel to the list to nick out the puddles.

Remember to pack your "comfortable walking shoes" and try to finish an actual beer this time, mkay?

Have fun storming the castle!

wv: nockere

Big Bikes said...

Excellent Point Break reference. Biggest laugh all day, and I've been up for an hour.


Big Dave said...

Bishop is a homo for changing bikes mid race. I don't care if it wasn't in the rules. He's a homo.

Billy Fehr said...

Holy Crap, after Stage 4 it looks like you are around about 20 minutes ahead of Rebecca Rusch and over an hour and a half off the front of Misfit Psycles...You guys should have had a Gentleman's bet for a Nummers frame before the race started. That woulda been hilarious.

Billy Fehr said...

Holy Crap, after Stage 4 it looks like you are around about 20 minutes ahead of Rebecca Rusch and over an hour and a half off the front of Misfit Pyscles. You Guys should have made a Gentleman's bet for a Nummers frame before the race started, that woulda been hilarious!