Skinsuit Skinflute

If you read the "Coach's Column" over on MTB Race News then you've already seen the piece Namrita wrote about losing weight over the off season. Of course it makes total sense to drop any unnecessary weight at this time of the year when "training" is minimal and won't be as impacted by a reduction of calories. As smart as it may be to drop a few percentage points during this period of lesser activity I have a few issues with reducing my body fat as I head into the cold winter months.

Holiday food. It's quite wonderful you know. Ever since I discovered the wonder that is 2° Below (a seasonal brew from New Belgium Brewery that tastes great with peanut M&M's) I can't imagine backing away from its consumption during this precious time that it's available. Soon enough it will be pulled from the shelf, and I will have to go find a new love. My new favorite beer delivers great taste and quite a few steep penalties as well. Not only is it expensive (to me) it also packs a walloping 200 calories into each bottle and its slightly higher ABV (6.6%) slows down my metabolism even more than regular Fat Tire which is only 155 calories and 5.2%. That information does not rock.



Another reason I'm not sure I want to lose weight quite yet is reinforced by the current cold snap. I need all the body fat I can get, especially in my ass. We've only had two really cold days in a row this winter, and my ass is chapped already. Today as I head out into the balmy 16° air I'm gonna have to rub the lotion on its skin or else I'll get the chaff again.



Only one thing in the world could convince me to lose weight right now...

A skinsuit.

I do not have a skinsuit, but I desperately need one. I think if I had one the act of just putting it on once a week and looking in the mirror would be enough to convince me that I need to shed that extra weight before the "season" starts. There is nowhere for fat to hide when you put one of these things on, so perhaps if I owned one I'd actually have to drop those 5-8 pounds I couldn't seem to get rid of these last two or three years.

I really like this style of skinsuit which no one seems to be putting on eBay (yes, I search for used skinsuits).

Look at that...

A skinsuit with actual practical usable pockets, precious. We needs that, don't we? That's the Distance skinsuit with two pockets for things a cyclist might actually need to carry (pocket mirror, mustache comb, mustache wax, Sharpie for autographs... you know, essentials).

If I owned one of these I would most certainly race in it, and I would wear it around the house and to less than formal occasions like trips to the grocery store and PTA functions. The major problems with the acquisition of such a product would be price and the need to order ten of them. Champion System doesn't do onesies unless I just want a very drab two color skinsuit, and even if I go that route the price is equivalent to 76.28 bottles of New Belgium 2° Below. That's kinda ouchy, but if I spent that money on a skinsuit instead of beer I would drop 4.36 pounds. Hmmm...

They do make a sleeveless skinsuit, but it's for tri geeks, and I have to admit it looks quite gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I would look quite smashing in it, and there's nothing wrong with being gay especially if you're gay and fast. As a matter of fact if I wore this thing to a few races next year I'm sure I might make a few guys switch teams (I'm looking at you Harlan Price). Not that being gay is a choice. I would look so good that I would change them at the chromosomal level with my good looks and svelte form.

If you think my new sponsor should pony up and put me in a skinsuit in 2011 make it known today. Your virtual voice will be heard.

Power to the people!!!