A reptile dysfunction

Hardly a new concept, just done better.

Yesterday sucked balls. For those of you who were not aware of the conditions in Charlotte, NC let me give you some background. Sunday night the snow started, and it ended sometime in the late afternoon leaving a tolerable amount of fluff on the ground. When the snow stopped, the rain started, and shit got interesting overnight. I woke up to...

Yards that were covered in snow with a sheet of ice on top.

Roads that were icy quagmires with smooth expanses and tire rippled crevasses.

Driveways and parking lots that looked like placid lakes frozen over.

Sidewalks coated with varying degrees of broken sea ice, sheer ice, and a strange from of Charlotte glacier.

My boss has been out of town since Saturday, so I'm running things through today. I called the hotline of our biggest client, and they were opening at 11:00am, so I needed to head in.

Once I got all suited up (I considered wearing pads) I made my way out my driveway... walking. I continued to walk to the corner, and then the next corner, and then I walked some more. I got on my bike, almost busted my ass on something that looked like wet blacktop but was most certainly ice, and then walked some more.

Three fourths of a mile later I hit the main 45mph four lane where I normally eschew the roadway in favor of the sidewalk as cars zoom past at closer to 55mph+ less than three feet off my port side with Blue Tooth equipped drivers on their way to making their dreams come true. On this day I hopped into the road and bombed down the hill wondering if this major road would be salty enough to be ice free. I caught up to the bus twice, but elected to move forward under my own power the rest of the way in. My 20+ minute commute took me 45 minutes due to all the walking and sphincter puckering.

Once I got to "work" I saw many things.

A woman standing on a 1° sloped sidewalk standing still while sliding out towards the road as her husband looked on.

Another woman who busted her ass entirely trying to walk on smooth as glass ice.

People walking in the streets... I mean out in the streets, 6-7 feet from the sidewalk... on major roads... with their backs to traffic.

A parked car sliding into another parked car.

Sheets of ice sliding off the big buildings at high velocity crashing down on the sidewalks.

People gingerly walking across the ice fields with THEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS(?).

A man walking down the sidewalk in snowshoes giving me a "thumbs-up.". No shit, snowshoes.

I had an interesting day. I had to walk many times across surprise sections of ice. That's assuming I was able to get my fixed gear slowed down in time before I hit them. Yes, I rode the fixed gear knobby shod machine thinking it runs better in snow, but alas ice was my foe of the day. In my close to 14 years uptown this was an unprecedented winter event, so I was not prepared as I should have been. Let's just say it's hard to come to a controlled stop and dismount on sheer ice. I now know that to be an indisputable fact.

And what was it all for? Two called-in and two scheduled runs for a total of four runs before calling it a day at 2:30pm. People should have not ventured in yesterday, yet they did, forcing me to join them.

So today back at it @ 10:00am (another delayed start). Hopefully it will be worth it.

It's a Doggie Dogg world.