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Monday, April 11

Help Wanted: Inquire within


I gotta get this outta the way. My PMBAR partner for this year (Elk) is going under the knife today and more than likely will not be released for active duty in time to make the race. My utmost concern was for Elk's health, but once he assured me that he is going to be okay (he insists getting butt implants will make his life better) I've calmed down enough to continue on with my life.

So I'm taking names for a possible replacement. I will find out in a few days if he is going to be cleared, but it does not look good for me, although Elk's ass is going to look dope. I have a couple names already in the hat (thanks facefriends), but I'm taking all offers under consideration. I will be judging the candidates based on the following criteria:

1) A desire to win.
2) The legs to back up the desire.
3) Your general single speediness (tattoos are a plus).
4) Your knowledge of the lyrics to The Final Countdown and the meaning behind the words.



I'll keep my taking names through the week, unless Sonya Looney responds, which in that case I don't care if she knows the lyrics to The Final Countdown or not. She'll be accepted just to boost the ratings on the blog (and to win).

The Canadianicans came down Friday.

I looked at Tanya's photos and weekend report on her blog. She has misrepresented many facts regarding the visit.

I did not make her sleep in the cage with the foster puppies. She wanted to. With the pee pad under the cage she never had to get up all night.

I meant to do what I did here to show people what not to do when doing what I was doing. Lead by inverse example.

I was not trying to suck this bottle inside out.

I was just trying to show how much my fellow Americans were sucking that day.

The Canadianicans were crushing us on Saturday's ride. I had Big Worm and Josh (the former) Wonderboy representing the Stars and Stripes, but the Maple Leaf crowd threw down hard, like a hippo jumping out of a lake. We were beat 3-1 on the log ride, but Josh nosed us out into the lead on dropped chains until Big Ring tossed one off as well... and he dropped a chain too.

Tanya did, in fact, peek into my Big Blue Bins.

She promised to not to reveal the secret, but she said it was huge, out of the ordinary, and amazing... like my penis (my words, not hers).

It's hard to believe that we were in three restaurants, rode two trails, spent hours at the house, and I still didn't get one photo of my guests. It was my entirely my fault based on my silly assumptions. The Canadianicans were so pasty white that I thought they were vampires and wouldn't show up on camera. My bad.

You'll have to trust me. A good time was had by all, and I miss them already.

Meh.

On with the show.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

Does it have to be a guy? I'll do it.

bentcrank said...

1. Check
2. um....not so much of a check
3. I could bring the SS
4. Not sure if I remember them or not, but I have heard the song several times.

2 out of 4 aint bad. Wait, I think that is supposed to be 2 out of 3. Fail! I guess I will have to stick with my partner then.

bentcrank said...

Does your hatch really shut with a bike on there?

What's up with the lack of comments? Everyone must be out riding in the rain.

mwnovak said...

Unrelated: the vertical / wall-hanging bike rack that appears in several pictures across several posts . . . what is it? where can I get more information about? why don't I have one? and how closely are the hooks/hangers spaces between bikes?