Tuesday, April 12

The hunt is still on....

I have not heard back from Elk yet. I have my fingers crossed. Hopefully the doctors will tell him that although most folks need three weeks of inactivity to recover from butt enhancement surgery, he'll be fine in two days. I would also like the doctor to tell him that he tattooed a map of the Pisgah National Forest to the back of his retina, but I think I may be hoping for too much.

Elk swears that this is not a "butt enhancement" procedure, and that he is actually getting a fully functional prosthetic butt device attached to his backside.

Potato, tomato.

Somebody came up with a decent idea, that perhaps I should have a Team Topeak Ergon type video contest to pick my new partner. I could have interested contestants make a short 90 second video explaining why they should be my partner, then they could post their videos on facebook to be liked and commented on as much as possible, and then I could choose my partner based on some random criteria... like who has the biggest hat.

I've got some great offers from my possible replacement PMBAR partners. I've probably got a winner in there somewhere. I appreciate the level of interest that is being shown in joining me for a very long ride in Pisgah. Even the mountain bike crazed family of Clyburns were willing to help out as Kip responded to my face request for a partner by offering their daughter's talents to the pool.

I'm afraid Sophie is a bit too young.

It's not that I'm an ageist. It's just that she seems like a sweet girl with so much potential that I'm afraid if she spent 8-10 hours in the woods with me she'd come out a cynical, misanthropic, bitter old woman with no goals in life. I can't do that to her with a good conscience.

As of this morning, Sonya has yet to respond to my request. I haven't come right out and asked her (as per the rules of the restraining order), but I hope she hears about this soon.

To those of you that responded, I should hear something soon and will contact you all. I have a feeling I will find a partner so strong that not only will we win, we shall set the precedent as to how the race will be won for future generations.

One more thing.

I have seen my fifth and final Trans-Sylvania Registration Incentive Package go out the virtual door. I have no more to give, but if you register and drop my name I can dig around and find something to give you... like a 2007 ORAMM t-shirt or a pair of too big for my feet Swiftwick socks, but nothing as cool as the original package.


A big shout out to the folks at Backcountry Research, Camelbak, and That Butt Stuff for making it possible for me to hand out some stuff I haven't tainted with actual use.

Nobody wants my used chamois lubricant.


Elk said...

You haven't heard back from me yet 'cause I want to give you the opportunity to get a week of blog posts out of this most unfortunate of situations. I'll send you some pictures of my enhanced derrieire for Thursday or Friday's post. In the meantime, can you send me an extra large tube of That Butt Stuff?

TheMutt said...

So, you have grown men offering up their teenage daughters to you? I'm not sure if that makes you somewhat of a rock star, or just plain creepy.

Andrea said...

I've had Final Countdown in my head all morning.

Anonymous said...

if you did partner with the 10 year old you two could share clothes....

Brad said...

Oh its tainted all right.