Tuesday, April 5

The votes are in, and Team Dicky is out

If getting fourth place on Saturday at the 6 Hours of Warrior Creek was a kick in the junk, losing the Topeak Ergon Basecamp Video Contest yesterday was a punch in the bagel.

Even though I had the torches pre-soaked in gas and the pitchfork ends sharpened, my resolve to storm Topeak Ergon Castle with an assembled mob lessened as the reality of the situation sunk in. Luckily the beer I had purchased to celebrate my big win was also handy for drowning the sorrows of a loser.

I don't always race to win. Sometimes I pick and choose a couple races to throw down everything I've got, but for the most part I'm just having fun. On the other hand though, I've never entered a contest just for fun. I want to win, and I plan to win. I have not won every contest I've entered, and I probably have an overall losing record, but not one that's so bad that it would keep me out of the very lame NFL playoffs.

I blame myself for the loss. A lot of you did what you could, and we crushed it in the likes department while lagging only slightly behind in the comments. In the end it was my approach that sank it. I thought that I was making a video to be enjoyed by all and judged by the Topeak Ergon team members...

Team members who mostly knew about me already and the kinda guy I really am (awesome). Actually Dave Wiens has no idea who I am, but after the others convince him that I'm not a creepy stalker maybe he woulda liked it as well. Well I think I misjudged the judges...

My heart sank a little when I read that... "we will sort through the videos.."

That's not the royal "we." No, it sounded to me like this was going over the heads of the team and rising to the corporate level. Those guys don't know who I am. Once they see this video they might just take legal action against me instead of rewarding my efforts. Hopefully Sonya can talk them out of a restraining order since I've already paid for the Trans-Sylvania Epic.

I think had I understood the contest better I woulda went for a more sappy/dramatic story angle. I don't have one, but I coulda came up with one. Remember, I enter contests to win. Take no prisoners and all that. Instead of a "get to know me" piece I went for a more technically challenging (for me) video with a funny story line complete with voice overs, multiple shots, and whatnot. And who beats me?

Alan Jacoby, a cinematographer...

who didn't even bother to Ergon up his bike for the video.

My grips cost me an eleven pack of beer. I spared no expense and pushed my technical abilities with Windows Movie Maker to the limits all to get beat by this guy.


Well, I did get the runner up prize pack. I saw the packing list, so I know what's coming my way, at least on the Ergon side. No white gloves (the one thing I vowed to come back with from Basecamp), but some useful stuff and some stuff I might have to share with my most helpful minions (me feet aren't L/XL like the ladies think they would be). Becky Cox Kicklighter and Derrick Young also received the runner's up package as well. I felt bad for Derrick because I would say based on just the videos alone, he was the winner.

I know what you're thinking, "They made a big mistake." Had they picked me I would be blogging about the experience to no end, detailing the camp for everyone to read about for days and perhaps even weeks, not to mention there would have been tons of product to review once I got back (Topeak, Ergon, Magura, Continental, DT Swiss, SRAM, FRS, etc.). That woulda gotten them the best marketing bang for the buck in my opinion. Alan wins a major video contest, a trip to Sedona, shit tons of schwag, and a chance to hang with the Vanilla Gorilla, and and what does he blog about yesterday? Getting 7th place in a US Cup Series race on a bike with ESI grips.

We all know he woulda won with Ergons, right? At least that's what I woulda said.

I figured out the real reason I lost. The chin beard. Jimmy Deane told me that they are over.

I knew I shoulda shaved and bought a novelty sized hat before I entered this contest. 2011 is the year of the big hat.

Congrats to Michele Zebrowtiz and Alan Jacoby, although he has become human target numero uno on the blog now. Have fun and give Jeff Kerkove a kiss for me, but not directly on the lips. He doesn't like that. It's a Julia Roberts/Pretty Woman thing.

And now, for all you non facebooker type folks, here's my video (now on youtube for your non faceviewing pleasure).


Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the expose' on the blue bins.

I hope they are filled with the puss of a thousand saddle sores

cornfed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peter Keiller said...

This is an outrage.
Fuck that.
And that.
I'm heading to no less than three bike shops today, trying on tofu ego gloves and leaving the fingers outside in. I will then squeeze and remove grips from their packages.
Take that.
And that.

Anonymous said...

forget about this damn contest. we want to know what's in those blue bins.

my vote is a bunch of dead hoookers.

cornfed said...

Guys like that are winning?
This blog is over.

Greg said...

If you only had such a hipster hat and glasses you may have sealed the deal...the douchebaggery never ceases to amaze me..Fuck That!

Jimmy Chuck Deane IV said...

I told you so....Womp womp womp.

Big E said...

If you change your mind I have my custom inlayed pitch fork and super duper propane torch at the ready. We'll burn that motha F@#$er to the ground!

Anonymous said...


wv: efulamo- Electronic insult of lameness

Anonymous said...

So they started a contest, made "recommendations" on what to include in the video, told you who the judges were and instructed you to get "likes". They tell you the specific day on which they will make the decision. You make a video for that audience and get the "likes". A winner is then picked who didn't follow any recommendations (he didn't even have any real video, just pics) and didn't get the most likes. The winners were not even presented on the promised day. What a tease.
I am welding pitchforks to my frame and awaiting further instructions.