As promised...

Mike Cushionbury, in an attempt to get a job with High Torque Publications, did a Mountain Bike Action style write-up on my "ready for Trans-Sylvania Epic" bike. Of course they were all like "Dicky who?", and the article never made it to print...

until now.

Inside the Pro's Bikes:

Team Dicky's Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5.

This is the Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5, a one of a kind aluminum single speed designed by the folks at Misfit Psycles and fabricated in Surrey, BC by the fine folks at YESS. We (as in the royal "we") sat down with unproffesional cyclist Rich Dillen (known worldwide as Team Dicky) and talked to him about his special, one of a kind, elitist, awkwardly stunning, single speed mountain bike.

Mike: So Rich, can I call you Dick?

Dicky: Most people do, so go ahead.

Mike: So Dick, a custom aluminum single speed. Seems odd, don't you think, being that most high end custom bikes are ti or steel.

Dicky: Well, single speeding is all about being able to say "Hey, I'm different, just like you." You want to be the most different guy out there, and being that my facial hair is pathetic and I'm afraid of tattoo parlors, I had to think outside the box. A custom aluminum frame was the answer.

Mike: Tell us about your set-up. Are there any components that take the edge off for endurance racing, other than an occasional beverage.

Dicky: Obviously there's the fat crabon frok from Niner, and Niner crabon bar, an Eriksen ti post, and a cushy WTB Silverado saddle.

Mike: What's that lump of shit under your saddle?

Dicky: That's a tube, a CO2 cartridge, and a tire lever held in place by a Hitch strap. I don't ever plan on fixing a flat during a race, it's too stressful, but it gives the appearance that I am serious about racing. That's very important you know... looking serious about racing while sucking quite a bit.

Mike: Don't I know it. I practically invented that modus operandi. Speaking of looking serious, what's that garbage on your bars?

Dicky: That would be my custom number plate holder with the recent addition of a computer that I mounted specifically for this race. The promoters did such a great job last year that I didn't have much to complain about, so I am going to try to scrutinize this year's race much more closely looking for faults such as incorrectly advertised course distances.

Mike: You have a very spartan control area. What's going on there?

Dicky: Hayes Strokers disc brakes have been slowing me down, quite literally, for years now. They come in white, which is quite pleasing to the eye. We are currently in talks regarding sponsorship, but the public nudity charges keep coming up. For grips I run the Bontrager Race X Lite foamies, even though I wish I were running Ergons like all the cool kids. I think a marriage of Ergon ergonomics mixed with the comfort of a foamie grip would be the bee's knees, but what do I know? I do run then Ergon bar plugs, as they are the easiest to trim down and squeeze into a carbon bar... not to mention the white highlights just set the bike off.

Mike: And your outdated drivetrain?

Dicky: The cranks? As Tom Ritchey once said, "Free, black, and stiff. Pick three."

Mike: That's not what he said. Not even close. Are you liking those new XTR pedals?

Dicky: I've got a thing for XTR pedals. If they update them, I must have them.

Mike: I hear next the new 2012 pedals will have a bigger "X" in the logo.

Dicky: Do you know when they will be available?

Mike: What can you tell us about the Industry Nine wheels?

Dicky: They are loud and pink which helps with the whole "Look at me, I'm riding a single speed" thing. The stiffness and engagement are nice, but it's really about sticking out in a sea of ubiquitous difference. That's a Misfit Psycles COD cog 19 tooth on the back, so I guess my mysterious gear selection for TSE is no longer mysterious... or is it?

Mike: What's with the Mountain Pipe? Is that a bike related item or something you picked up at a head shop?

Dicky: That's a mini-pump from Genuine Innovations, but like I said, I have no intentions of fixing a trailside flat during the race, so I removed all the working internals to save weight. Once again, the most important aspects of racing are looking serious and getting your sponsors maximum exposure. I may suck at racing, but I'm the best where it matters.

Mike: How do you like those bottle cages? They look pretty stupid.


Dicky: I have yet to lose a bottle out of my Specialized Z-cages, and they are by far the best cages I've used on a small frame as far as getting the water bottle in/out. Missing are the Camelbak Podium bottles I requested at the last minute. I realized having bottles that don't have to be opened/closed every time you use them might be an advantage on the technical trails of TSE. I'm so glad I waited till the last minute to ask for them, so I can be worried all week as to whether or not they will get here in time.

Mike: What's your favorite part on the whole bike?

Dicky: My Woodman Death Grip SL Ti seatpost clamp.

Mike: Why would the most insignificant part on your bike be your favorite?

Dicky: Because they use the word "death" in the name. Had Industry Nine made Death Wheels, or Eriksen a Death Post, or Specialized a Death Cage, or WTB a Death Saddle, or Hayes a Death Brake...

Mike: I see where you're going. Anything else you want to add?

Dicky: Sure. For tires I run a Panaracer Rampage up front, but a Maxxis IKON in the rear. I hope you like the IKON.

Mike: Why?

Dicky: Because that's all you're going to see next week... bitch.