Friday, May 20

More TSE? What did you really expect?

Now that I have totally revealed all my plans for the Trans-Sylvania Epic (yesterday's post), I may have to come up with a new plan. The competition is well aware of what I was going to do, and I only have a week to prepare something new. Well, I can still go through with my plans to thwart Dough as he doesn't read my blog, he just looks at the pretty pictures.

I just found out that Jeremiah Bisquick will be attending TSE this year, after earlier saying he would not be there, thus compounding my problems even more. He's such a distraction, always asking me for advice on tire pressure, bike set-up, skinsuit or jersey, 26" or 29", nutrition, dealing with adoring fans, and depending on weather, should he use gel or mousse. I don't mind helping the guy out, but I've got my own race to think about sometimes, and I just feel like he should have some of this stuff worked out by now.

Seriously, mousse out on the course, hair gel for podiums only...

and wiener* at the 6:00 position for podium pictures.

You looked, didn't you?

Let me just say this about TSE. I can't wait to meet Barry Wicks, Ross Schnell, Jason Sager (who wins the "Hardest Blog to Navigate" prize), and Jason Moeschler, and get to know them at some remotely tertiary level that will make me feel comfortable enough to "mention" them on my blog in some "flattering" way. Jokes about Jeremiah and hair gel are getting harder to come by.

Sizzle-Lean Yeager recently posted her pre-TSE condition over on her Bicycling column.

Sizzle-Lean Yeager either demonstrating the appropriate size of a portion of chicken or how she plans to wring my neck as soon as she sees me next week.

She is currently doing what she refers to as "tapering," a term I am not unfamiliar with, but not something I find necessarily useful. Instead of a reduction in saddle time (up to halving total volume) in conjunction with eating to replace depleted stores, I am riding as much (or as little) as I was before and aside from an occasional cookie binge, I am losing weight at an unprecedented rate. Sort of taking a cue from Fatty, I am heretoforthwith eating nothing but egg products. The difference being that he is eating 20 egg whites a day, while I am eating the equivalent of 30 egg shells for each meal. It doesn't taste very good at all, but the roughage has been quite the intestinal Draino.

This weekend I will be heading to the mountains for the fourth weekend in a row. This is all part of my non-taper taper plan. A marital/familial window opened, and I'm jumping out head first. Trips to the mountain are too precious to squander, race taper or not. I haven't been on the Superbeast in quite awhile, and I'm dying to try to hurt myself again.

With the race being only one week out, over the next eight days I will be hunkering down for some logistical preparation. Some new equipment is still on the way, and other new equipment is currently in a "maybe it will be here, maybe it won't" status. The Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5 is solid, and the cyclometer is fully functional with the addition of $10.00 worth of watch batteries.

I only speak one kind of taper.

Maybe Sizzle-Lean was describing my stiff oversized cockpit* in that photo. It seems it's all the womens field at the TSE can talk about amidst the giggles and tee-hees.

*Two penis jokes in one post. I feel very proud of myself this morning.


Stephanie said...

That video never gets old - and of course I looked!

Anonymous said...

free jason sager!