Thursday, May 26

Not worried about the little people

I was 100% 9/10 packed for TSE on Sunday.

The Pie RN likes to point out that before TSE stood for Trans-Sylvania Epic it was testicular self-exam in the medical world. I assure those of you in the medical field that I have been talking about this:

photo cred: AE Landes

And not this:

Good Lord, do not do a google image search for testicular self-exam.


I was only 9/10 packed since I was (and still am) waiting on certain items to be delivered. Sponsor Liaison and Equipment Acquisitions Director, Admiral Ackbar was a little late in getting a hold of a few key sponsors in order to get some even more key'esque equipment.

The six pack of Camelbak Podium bottles arrived. What makes the Podium bottle such a necessary component to the making of great bike race at TSE? You can watch this video...

I know, it kinda looks a bit like the Dick in a Box video.

I washed my bottles out with hot water just in case.

I suggest you just look at these images for the quick version.

No opening/closing the bottle before/after you use it, and no sticky energy drink shit to wash off your bike every night. Also, when you toss it in your drop bags rest assured that no matter how poorly your gear is treated on the way to the aid station, your drink will not leak all over your copy of Cosmo you packed (I'm talking to you, Bisquick).

Between these bottles and my easy in/out Specialized Z-cages, I'm gonna be happy to reach down between my legs all day at the TSE. The race will be nice as well. Supposedly another plus to the Podium bottle is the fact that it is made with BPA-Free, TruTasteTM Polypropylene with HydroGuardTM that lets you taste your water, not your bottle. I'll be bummed that I can no longer enjoy the flavor of orange Gatorade with just a hint of plastic wrap and beach ball.

Although I am an extreme weight weenie, I don't think I'll rip the rubber nubbin off the top of my new bottles just to shave four grams. Who the fuck would do that anyways?

I'm leaving tomorrow night and stopping in Virginia on the way. I will be fully loaded down, and I'm bringing everything I can think of...

even my compressor. Swapping tubeless tires made easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Fellow TSE'ers, if you would like to use my compressor please know that there is no slot for your quarters. The schedule of payment is as follows:

TSE Class Leaders: One size small leaders jersey.

Single Speed Class: Each use will cost you five minutes on the GC.

Women's Class: Beads are to Mardi Gras as air is to TSE. Figure that one out for yourselves.

All others: You have nothing I need. Bring a floor pump.

Seven loose references to male genitalia and one inference to boobs.

It will be a good day.


Peter Buckland said...

I'm just going to stand near your compressor station doing TSEs anyway.

Anonymous said...

Why does your milk crate want to be sodomized?

Anonymous said...

Somebody's gotta do it:

Anonymous said...

those camelbak guys wear gay shades.

Anonymous said...

Why is Cory Rimmmer in the running for the official Pisgah Stage Race Blogger? I'd never read his blog until today, and now that I have, it doesn't make any sense as to why he's in the lead. His writing level is on par with a number of sixth graders I teach and he has no comedic value or timing (unless "later" is supposed to be funny).

I hope you win (no, not win, you should just be chosen, like the mother Mary), otherwise Blue Ridge Adventures is doing all of us a big disservice by letting the general public vote (on-line democracy is stupid).

I'm going to lay down and cry now.

Anonymous said...

what the hell is wrong with you, you know whe can't help but click.

Adventure Nell said...

Good Luck in the race! Hope you win and all that. And thanks for the lesson on how to do an icky self examination. As a chick, so did not need to know that...blech