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Friday, December 16

Talking to you is like clapping with one hand



Sometimes the lack of comments around here feels a bit like clapping with one hand. Gone are the days when I would receive a daily "You are a pussy" boost of approval. If I were to look for inspiration for posts based on feedback, this blog would have died a long time ago.

I tire of this one way dialogue, although I understand how The Pie feels now.

But alas, I did get a comment worthy enough to generate some electrical activity in my brain that translated into two-way communication on my end.

"Maybe they should give you a show on HGTV about how to properly build a bike room...or how to convince your wife to allow you to designate a bike room. I'd watch it." ~ anonymous

Always anonymous. I love the internet.

How does one convince their wife to allow them to designate a bike room? It's a long, drawn out process, I assure you.

Flashback all the way to 1992....



Move in with potential wife. Bring your two bikes with you. Mount them on the bedroom wall.

Remove the paint from one of your frames in a manner that breaks several OSHA and EPA rules... in the bedroom.

Move into small apartment. Mount three bikes on living room wall. Start to collect bike parts and accessories and "display" them on some shitty metal shelves in the bedroom (the same shelves that I gave a grand tour of some time ago).

"Liberate" some food grade lube from work and put it on your road bike. Then ride the rollers in the living room spewing food grade lube all over the carpet and the wall behind you for an hour.

Move into a town home and take over the basement. Spend so much time in your mancave that your wife is convinced you've become one of the People Under the Stairs.



Move into a small apartment. Stash your now ever-growing collection of bikes in every nook and cranny of non-living space; in between the washer and dryer, in the coat closet under the stairs, behind the couch... anywhere they would be most annoying.

Move into a house with an attached garage. Complain about the heat/cold out in the garage and do most of your work in the living room. Destroy more carpet.

And finally, look for a new place that has a spare room that's very inept design deems it purposeless for typical house use; odd layout, louvered doors (louvered double doors a plus), lack of cable hook-up... whatever you can use to argue that the room was destined to be a "bike room."

Enjoy.

35 comments:

Jason said...

Most people are too busy "Liking" and Tweeting these days to take the time to comment, even if it's to call you a pussy.

You really should do this post in video form so that we can get a real dose of your flamboyant decorator personality. I would watch that.

dicky said...

Hmmm....

People watch videos?

My attention span is limited to 2:53 and no more than that when it comes to internet video watching.

bentcrank said...

I had a bike room when we were first married, but she raced back then too.

Now in this house I have been sent to the basement, but it is a bigger room.

Brenda said...

I would ask my future man-partner to build a bike room for ME!!! :-)

allan said...

I'm lucky enough to have a spare bedroom for a bike room. Of course, I have to share it with the dog and cats but hey...it works.

Anonymous said...

You are a pussy.

Kyle from Florida said...

You are now a fat pussy.

Love from the boys from Florida.

TheMutt said...

You are a whiny pussy. The worst kind. I guess today's post actually got you come comments though, so it worked.

AdamB said...

I see the equation for a bike room. It states that if your relationship can survive long enough with her putting up with your "cycling ways" eventually she will be happy for you to have your own space.

wv = ecark

Anonymous said...

I got lucky with a bike room when we bought our house. Our downstairs has a finished room and then off from that is a bigger-than-it-needs-to-be room that only had the washer and dryer in it. My wife said, "Why don't you use this as your bike room?" Awesome. Work bench installed, peg board with all my tools, plenty of room for a stand and five bikes hanging from the rafters. Jeremy

dougyfresh said...

nice way to start the post. been listening to Anthrax for the past two days.

eastwood said...

I'm lucky enough (or my wife is annoyed enough) that as we look for a house a bike room/space is on the "required" list. SWEET!

xjoex said...

Joey Belladonna is refusing to update his look...

-Joe

fabian said...

Ive got the bike room but how does one get the complaining about too many bikes and bike parts to stop.

Jack said...

[The other] Plan B-

Didn't see the more practical option in there anywhere ... delay domestic commitment, put bike gear in any/all rooms.

Anonymous said...

Too funny you working these commenting fools like puppets on a string . . . wait a minute . . .

You're still a pussy.

moe said...

But what is behind the mysterious louvered doors?

mssrmth said...

When building on/adding to the home, a bike room was as expected as the new master bedroom. Private entrance from the garage, heated/cooled with tech hook ups. Just wasn't able to run water for a wash station. Guess that's what the shower is for.

BIG JIM said...

OK you guilted me into a comment...LIKE

Anonymous said...

It does sound like one hand clapping.
TimmyD

Big E said...

I like Jason's comment about people "liking" everything all the time. So my suggestion is to post a "pussy" button on the side bar next to your Bwoon button. That way you can get that warm fuzzy feeling of pussy... I mean being a pussy with every post.

Anonymous said...

Yo you pussy ass bitch, you'd better keep this shit going and stop the fucking whining! My job sucks, I'm on the verge of becoming unemployed, winter is setting in and I'm a bike addict without hope of reform. All I have left is my obsession with you! Unless you want me peering in your windows, better keep it lively.

Anonymous said...

I never watch your videos. My attention span is long enough for pictures and that's it. And I never read your blog. It sucks.

But, now that we have determined how to get your wife to let you have a bike room, I'll share with you and your loyal losers how to get your wife to let you have a 3,000 dollar bike.

It's pretty easy actually. Just show her pictures of motorcycles doing wheelies and talk for months about getting one. Worked for me by accident. :)

-S Knees

Anonymous said...

But no really dude if you took Howard Wolowitz (Big Bang Theory) and shaved his head, put a little fuzz under his shnozz and mounted him on a Misfit Psycle...........it would be YOU!
You asked for it.........

Anonymous said...

ok newish to the bog and I just figured the lack of comments was just how it was played around here and that comments were saved for important subjects like should I blow leaves or is it ok to cut out roots (cut I live to the south east so I must like ride on Lincoln log's) on local semi urban trails. But as far as your bike room nice score since I have found over the years that my allotted space for bike’s has dropped in relation to the size of my house relative income and with your place your rocked it with the non ironic placement of a Bruce Lee poster and a Palo Pezzo in her most fashionable skin suited and EPO enhanced self. All that is missing one from John Tomac and some vintage tower speakers on either side of the work bench.

Moonshine said...

Good stuff. For a Pussy...

Anonymous said...

do you smell your farts in that room also!!!!

Pauly said...

You're my hero even if you are a pussy.

Anonymous said...

You should call it a pussy room.

Anonymous said...

How do you get down to 124 lbs. THAT is what I need to know. Pushing 168 now. Please help me.

Anonymous said...

you

Anonymous said...

are

Anonymous said...

a

Anonymous said...

pussy

dirtdirt's dirt said...

your are a big vjjay!