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Tuesday, July 31

Let the lines be drawn...

The month of August begins tomorrow. That can only mean one thing. The Breck Epic is less than two weeks away. I've got my bike all boxed up, end even though this will be my fourth trip out there, my mind is reeling with minor details I need to tidy up in less then 12 days.

This year's Breck Epic will also serve as the first ever Single Speed Stage Racing World Championship. Supposedly the winner will shave his (and since we have four women vying for the female title, her) nether regions to be glued to the face of last place.

Last place can pay $50 to avoid the punitive action, and the honor will move up to second to last place and so on and so on... Not sure where the money goes. Knowing Mike McCormack, we'll make a pile of money and burn it or apply it to the bar tab at the Gold Pan Friday night. Same thing.

The single speed class is second only in size to the Men's 40+ (20 VS 24). The idea has been tossed around that perhaps we should divide up the SS field into juveniles (under 40) and elderly (over 40). Mike asked we single speeders to help decide, but being single speeders we rarely do what we're told, get involved, or do much of anything useful.

It doesn't matter to me. There are plenty of people coming that will destroy me, especially at altitude. I can come in 15th of 20 or 7th of 10. Neither accomplishment will matter when I crush all comers on the dance floor Friday night.

I'll be staying in a condo with almost half the field, the assholes from the right hand side of the country. Given that we almost have an even split, why not divide us into East Coast VS West Coast?

What say you, people of of earth? Age divisions? East Coast/West Coast post-stage rap battles? Every man (or woman) for themselves? Facial hair VS clean shaven? Hungover VS sober?

7 comments:

AdamB said...

Divide the field based on hairiness/grooming style of said nether regions. And yeah, this applies to both sexes. Photo/video proof required (some of us hate to read and just like pictures, you know).

bt6 said...

Anton Ohno rides a SS?

Breck Epic said...

Daddy...what's a manscaper?

Peter Keiller said...

this talk of divisions segregations and dick is getting olde.

show up.
ride.
finish.

stop complicating my shite.

Andrea said...

If I'm planning on winning this thing, I guess I need to grow some hair.

dicky said...

Yup.

Max said...

Guess that counts me out. I hate getting glue on my face!