Last week, I mentioned an article over on MTBR written by the Angry Singlespeeder called Singlespeeds are for Angry People. I thought it was his first article over on MTBR, but apparently he has been writing stuff for them since June 2010. Back then he was just Kurt Gensheimer, but in February of 2012 he took on the pen name Angry Singlespeeder. Who is he?
"Kurt Gensheimer thinks the bicycle is man’s most perfect invention. He firmly believes ‘singlespeed’ is a compound word. He sometimes wears a disco ball helmet. He is also known as Genshammer. He is a Gemini and sleeps outside in a hammock."
This may or may not be him:
I can only devote so much time to research.
What he and I have in common are the following:
We are both Gemini
We both sleep in a hammock.
We both have polysyllabic last names.
We both own single speeds (well, he owns "singlespeeds").
I felt as if he and his article were worthy of half a blog post last week, but his most recent "mercurial musing" left me feeling as if someone shit in my eyes and walked me deep into a Walmart at noon on a Sunday.
The Swiss Army Knife of Bikes, wherein he answers the age old question, “If you could have one – and only one – bicycle, which would it be?”
Kurt has six personal bikes to choose from:
*Ibis Tranny mountain bike (geared)
*Ibis Tranny mountain bike (singlespeed)
*1955 Miele Sport three-speed
Now let's get this straight. This is not about who's more singlespeedy. It's just that I notice that the Angry Singlespeeder has a "quiver" that is 66.6% not single speeds. Now I know why he's angry.
We all know that I have tried to embrace gears many times since I became a single speeder back in 2004. I have lost many monies in pursuit of the geared dream and seen bikes come and go in as few as 47 days. This has made me angry... the denial of who I am at my marrow followed by the overwhelming urge to purge all the unclean shifty thoughts from my mind. Over and over and over and over.
Yet I know if I had to choose one bike to be my one and only which I would choose.
And it would not be the bike chosen by the Angry Singlespeeder.
and he goes on...
"... room for at least 38c tires, replaceable dropouts to run as either a geared bike or singlespeed, eyelets for racks or fenders, and oh yeah, it would have to be a breakaway bike so I can travel with it"
So if he could have only one bike it would be geared and single speed with fat and skinny tires with and without racks and a travel bike to boot.
Somehow I couldn't help but think of this bit by Brian Scott McFadden:
If you didn't watch the clip, what the Angry Singlespeeder wants is a gay football coach.
I do not want a gay football coach.
What I want is a burnt-out, alcoholic drill instructor with insomnia, an unbending will, and a penchant for doling out masochistic punishment.
That's the one bike I would have if it had to be one. I don't care about being part of the "hardest group road ride" because that does not gel with my misanthropic tendencies. Racks and fenders? I have a messenger bag and a weathered ass that eventually dries out. Travel bike? As much as I think I want one, whenever I travel I'd still be wishing I was on my "one bike" and not my 2.5.
Maybe I am an angry single speeder, perhaps not as angry as Peter.
sells single speeds to other angry people. Not assholes, just angry people.
In closing, there is no closing. I'm just outta time this morning. I could go on and on and on and on and on...
But I can't due to time constraints alone. My anger, if that's what we are going to call it now, is deep rooted and infinite. I am a single speeder at my core.
It was not a choice.
I was born this way.