Helpless

I've seen all of about twenty minutes total of the Tour de France so far.  The end of one stage (prologue, yawn), the final how many k of stage two and the NASCARnage of stage three... oh, and the end part where that guy beat that other guy but he's still behind that guy...

Still, I find myself fantasizing about a road bike.  Only problem being, I want my "road bike" to be something like this:

Well, something like that but not at all.

Want-
Alfine Di2 11 speed shifting
Strange, flared pool noodle bars
Crabon frok
Very tall front end
Room for 40s
Something else I thought of last night but forgot

Don't want-
Heavy shitty wheels
Heavy shitty frame

I don't know why I'm infatuated with the idea of an internally geared road bike, or even a road'esque bike for that matter.  I can think of less than ten but more than five rides that I woulda used such a bike for so far in 2015.  I kinda "need" it for this tho:

I'm pretty sure I'm going up to see Watts, ride a hundred miles ON THE ROAD for the first time... in like a decade or more (unrelated to the Tour de Burg... VIVA!), and drink beer. Then try to wake up early on Monday and drive to work?

Sounds stupid.

Prolly why I agreed to go.

I'm gonna have to borrow a bike from Revolution Cycles, since my tarck bike is still putting too much weight on my injured meaty parts of my left hand, and I'm not punishing anyone else by forcing them to wait for me as I ride a 32X18 single speed mountain bike over 100 miles of scorched earth (otherwise known as "roads").

So I find myself once again wishing for a (kinda) true road machine, fully knowing that I have to figure out something in the next 350 some odd days before the 20th Annual Tour de Burg (VIVA).  I already know what I want would be custom... or completely hacked together.  Nobody makes what I want in a stock frame/parts package.  Problem being that when you build such a niche bike, you have eventually have two options:

Find a custom builder, hope for the best, pay top dollar, and end up with a bike that if you don't really like it, you're going to lose your ass when you try to sell it.

Order a custom Vanilla, wait seven years, get it knowing that it will always be worth a ridiculous amount of money but you'd be ridiculed if you ever sold it.

Once again, I'm going to have to wait for some impetus to push me over the edge.  That or wait for something else to capture my undivided attention and help me forget this... which will not help come next July, but you'll have that.