I need a squirrel

I'm giving myself a headache.  I'm trying to figure out why I love the way my tarck bike handles, if it would translate well into my "road bike" dreams, and if it's even possible.

I think I want a bike that feels like my track bike, but places my hands something slightly less than level with my saddle when I'm in the drops of a Salsa Cowbell 2 Drop Bar (without 100mm of spacers or an ugly boner stem), but also parties like it's 1999.

I have no idea what that means, but I think it sounds a good thing to look for in a road bike.

Of course, if I really wanted to pursue this, I should sit down with an experienced frame builder and sort out the details, but with such a low probability that this could happen (< 37%), I'm not wasting anyone's time.  After all, who would really know what I'm talking about when I say I want a bike that "parties like it's 1999?"  I would expect to get hung up on or at least blocked on FaceBook.

Here is my 1992 tarck frame geometry:

Mine's a 56cm.  I should mention that I have no idea if it truly "fits" me.  I walked into Bicycles South (R.I.P.), saw it, rode it around the parking lot, fell in love, bought it, and have been riding it since 2006 (I think).

Let's say I like the fork's offset... well good luck finding a tarck bike fork with clearance for 40s and disc brake mounts.  And yeth, I want disc brakes... because I do.  They're my reasons.  Maybe you like getting black brake residue on your hands when you change flats or blowing out rim sidewalls when your brake pads eat through them or one of those other advantages I can't think of...  Whatever.

I haven't even ran the HTA and offsets in a trail calculator and compared anything I come up with to anything that will work... because... effort... and burrito.

That Alfine Di2 dream?  I think it's sunk.

Damn thing weighs close to four pounds and costs one arm and half a leg.  I know the weight/costs will be slightly offset by the absence of two derailleurs and one shifter... but still.  And don't forget that battery.

Or the cable actuated version?

Still and arm and still half a leg... and silver?   Unnghhh.  Mojo killer.

So all this time and energy for nothing or suck it up and go Alfine or use normal things like normal people or have FattiMagic build up a SS bike with my stupid geometry ideas or just rent/borrow a road bike when I need it (like this weekend) and save so much money that it sounds sensible.

Or just wait until I see a squirrel outside my window and forget about all this.

Fuck it, I'm hopping on my mountain bike now to ride pavement and mixed use trails and greenways.  Who needs dreams anyways?