I felt like I had to do something

I let Saturday get by me without any real exercise, well except for cleaning out the garage and buffing my helmet (literally not figuratively, as The Pie pointed out that "cleaning out the garage" is a euphemism for a high colonic). The weather woulda been fine for a road ride or even a fixed gear assault on the sidewalks and bike paths, but I just didn't have it in me. I wanted to taste some local dirt, but recent rains have made local dirt hard to come by as our local trails have been closed more than they've been open over the last coupla months. I decided late on Saturday that I would sign up for the short track race on Sunday to get some pew time in my church.

Gone are the days of feeling worthy of lining up in the front row of the single speed class. Back in 2006 I was going for the hole shot and the possible win, but as the year's have passed I can no longer hold onto the front of the pack. That is why I wore my "Doper's Suck" T-shirt.

I decided to openly protest the rampant abuse of performance enhancing drugs at the Charlotte Short Track series, and in particular, the single speed class.

My theory concerning doping in the SS class is based on the Greg LeMond Law of Doping, which states:

"When you can no longer win at bike racing you should accuse the competition of doping. Do it with your head held high, your palmares in hand, and your attorney nearby."

I think that guy mighta been clean because I managed to beat him.

The way Greg and I see it I used to be at the top of the SS Short Track game back in 2006 (until a tragic bike washing accident took me outta the overall contention). Then as the year's passed by I found it harder and harder to stay anywhere near the front of the field.

Walking the thinnest line on the rocks.

The only obvious answer is that the majority of the single speed field is now doping. I can't think of any other reason that explains why I finished exactly mid pack last year. Just like Greg I am a former "world champ" who found that he could no longer hang with the peleton, and just like Greg I've never been invited to a Christmas party at Lance Armstrong's house.

Hammering the back of the field and riding clean just like they did in the days of Jacques Anquetil (way before Greg noticed that everybody in the sport was doping).

Like Greg, if it wasn't for my mad skills and inherit monster fitness I woulda suffered even more embarrassment at the hands of the dopers.

I did manage to pull off a slightly better than midpack finish this year. I ended up placing fifth outta eleven riders, which can only mean one thing.

Obviously short track promoter Neal Boyd's attempts at curtailing the abuse of performance enhancing drugs at his races must be working. His most recent rule banning needles in the start/finish area has obviously discouraged at least one single speed rider from immoral racing practices.

Will I end up like Greg LeMond and be a bitter, slightly overweight ex-champ? Will I start a bike brand called LeDick, sell it to Trek, fail, and blame Jeff Schalk for all my problems? Why would I do that when I already blame all my problems on Garth "Sideshow" Prosser?

Maybe I should just jump off the cliff with the other single speed lemmings and roll dirty like everybody else. I had overheard at the bike wash that some of the guys in the single speed class had warmed up before the event, avoided beer for the last three or more days, and some of them had even eaten something other than left over cake before the race. Is this what high level single speed racing has come to in 2010? Maybe this lemming will stay up on the ledge with his cake and beer and settle for midpack finishes and the ability to leave before the awards ceremony.

All photos from Big Worm and Chris M.