Actual riding and such from the weekend

Saturday I was a very motivated individual. The Pie and Fajita were leaving town for Florida, and I was bound and determined to make the most of my bachelorhood. A ride in the mountains was on order.

all ride photos from facefriend and real friend Blair

From L-R: Sam, Chico, Rob, an unreceptive me, Johnny Nutsack, and Leanne

We showed up at "the mounds" for the classic Wilson's Loop not to be named with names or mentioned in specifics for unnameable specific reasons.

It was one of those beautiful days in the NC mountains that fill your lungs with clean air and your eyes with views of wonder. I have no pictures of either.

Instead, this is Rob.

He's getting super amped for the wreck he's about to have in front of me on a trail that we dare not speak it's name. It was a fabulous wreck that left him rolling around on the ground moaning as he assessed the damage, a scene that I was on the other end of about two months ago.

The wreck started somewhere around here:

And he finished rolling and tumbling well beyond here where I found his patella:

Rob was sore, but that was about it. No major damage done to his bike or body.

Leanne's wreck (which I did not witness) on the other hand...

It was one of those days. Riding Wilson's Creek at the height of the leaf covered trail season is always a bit of a dangerous activity. I've never had my butt so puckered coming down the steepest part of Sinkho.. Ahhh, am I allowed to mention that trail by name? I can't remember. Either way, I had my ass literally on the rear tire as I let the front wheel roll through the deep leaves while underneath the multi-colored foliage carpet there were roots and rocks that threatened to lodge my saddle into my abdomen.

Great ride indeed, but somewhere near the end of the ride my derailleur hanger bent, and I was left with a semi-shifting shifty bit. While the shifting on the X9 2X10 stuff has been awesome I've had a hell of a time with the chain dropping off the front rings. I've been trying to get to the bottom of this issue for some time, and last night I was desperate enough to seek information on the problem over on MTBR, but unfortunately it's not a warranty situation so no one's looking at my thread.

Sunday I was on my own. Without a family to plan my day around I found it hard to get out of the house. I messed with the rear tire on the Meatplow that wouldn't hold air (I mentioned this yesterday), and couldn't get this already sealed at one time tire to seal once more. I ended up trying the lazy man method for sealing tires; jack up the pressure and go for a ride.

I headed over to Sherman Branch in order to get the Stan's juice flowing and also because Sherman is close to Jerry's house. Jerry has the DAG-1 (Derailleur Adjustment Gizmo), and the Superbeast was going to get some attention after the ride. Once I got to the trail I realized I had a relative idea just how fast I could go on the Superbeast, so why not get a time on the Meatplow. Starting the loop with close to 40PSI was bad. Mid-ride I found the tire to behave normally, and by the end of the ride it was starting to roll around on the rim. Hardly ideal conditions for a time trial, but the time was still close to my geared time, and I found out that I'm gonna have to attempt to seal this tire with some actual purposeful effort. It was flat before I went to bed that night.

After the ride I went to Jerry's place, and he broke out his DAG-1.

First, a measurement of the norm...

then to the back of the bike...

and the top side of the wheel.

Hooray! Bent significantly in two planes. I'm pretty sure this happened when the chain dropped and went into a Cracker Barrel puzzle shape on me going down Sinkho... oops. I'm sick of dropping chains in the rough. Jerry showed me that he could get the chain to drop just by dropping the rear end of the bike on the floor from about 1.5-2 feet off the ground or by flicking the rear derailleur. Meh. I'm starting to remember why I hate gears. I don't want to admit it, but George's Shredward idea is sounding very tempting.

What's the matter with all you gloomy pussies?

I can't say that I accomplished much over the four day weekend. I did watch Sound of Music with Fajita, and the title of today's post was a quote from Max (the greedy, but in the end helpful Austrian promoter) that made me burst out in laughter.

"These gloomy pussies are everywhere I look."

Interesting thing about the movie? At one time I picked up a book (and actually read it despite it's lack of colorful pictures) about a successful Austrian sub commander (I told you I like submarines). He was quite the bad ass fucker. His name? Georg Ludwig Ritter von Trapp.

Another strange coincidence? His naval career was the inspiration behind Accept's biggest hit, Balls to the Wall, a song that has no submarine references but does borrow a riff from The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music.



Obivously I did a whole lot of nothing my first two days of holiday vacation. Gloomy weather kept me indoors quite a bit more than I would have liked. I did get a chance to watch the Race Day video starring Irina Kalentieva that was being plugged everywhere I looked.

I couldn't get on facebook or MTBR without seeing links to the movie (that's what you get when you are facefriends with Sonya, Jeff, Yuki, Nam, Eddie, Ergon, Topeak, and Rush Limbaugh), so I went ahead and watched it. It was one of the better made videos I've seen in awhile with nice shots and a pretty cool unspoken story line. I am quite childish and a bit of a closet pervert, and this scene, I regret to admit, stole the show:

I know, I know... sex sells, but my addled brain isn't buying. This scene did make me want to re-create the video in a more Bad Idea Racing fashion. Perhaps open my short movie by flashing between images of muddy singletrack and me sleeping. Pan back and find me in a tent with my head stuck to the pillow with drool. I awake, rub my eyes, crawl out of the tent, and turn to a profile shot as I gaze up at the rising sun sporting a less than modest case of morning wood...

Men can be objectified too.

At least I hope one day I will be objectified.

I have a marvelous penis, and I am not afraid to exploit it in my not-so-humble quest for sponsorship dollars.

With so much indoor time on my hands I decided to swap the Meatplow around a bit. Although I just changed things around months ago I was not very happy with the end result. The Kodiak is just more tire than I want to haul around, the steel fork just doesn't compare with the crabon, the 8" rotor was overkill 99% of the time, and all the spacers I was running below and above the stem looked janky. I had only swapped everything around when I decided I wanted to save the crabon frok from any cosmetic damage before I get my new frame, but now that the new frame is going tapered the point was moot. After the crabon to steel fork swap I got heavy handed with tools and put shit I knew I wasn't thrilled about on the bike, but I've hardly been riding it since I purchased the Superbeast. Last week's ride at Kitsuma left me feeling "meh" about the work done that now needed undone.

I would say everything went smoothly, but that would, of course, be a lie. While swapping the rotor one of the torx bolts snapped off.

Saying it "snapped off" is hardly an accurate account of the event. As I was torquing it down the head twisted off with the amount of effort it would take to twist the top off of a chocolate chip about a minute after the cookie comes out of the oven. Very confidence inspiring.

I also did some tire swapping that had me scratching my head. I mounted up the WTB tire I used on the rear of the Meatplow at the Trans Sylvania Epic last June, and although it sealed up fine (then) and worked in an exceptional manner for over a week (then) it refused to hold air this time (now). There's more to that story, but that gets into my two final days of holiday vacation which will be further discussed tomorrow.

Garth Prosser ate my homework

Today I was hoping to do a part three to my bitch session about unfairness and stupidity in the cycling world, but I had a hard time finding any information about inept trail builders that take performance enhancing products.

Yesterday I wanted to let you in on an article I read about Garth "the source of all my problems" Prosser on MarathonMTB.com. I decided against posting a link yesterday as I felt like you, the reader, might think that I'm implying that Garth dopes. I would never do that, but I found it fascinating that Garth had a cover story as to why he's around doctors so much:

"I am a full time sales representative for a surgical video imaging equipment company, so I am in the operating room several days a week."

So now we know what the dreadlocks are for....

Sneaking blood bags out of the hospital.

Before I get to the bike stuff I want to mention that there are still some medium sleeveless Dicky's Death March jerseys left on Twin Six.

Like this, but without the sleeves.

To sweeten the deal I should mention that all day today Twin Six is having a 25% off sale, which means that the DDM jersey is only $56.25. That also means that everything else is 25% off as well, including the Dark Deluxe long sleeve jersey that I just added to my wardrobe yesterday.

As many years as I've been cycling this is my first ever cycling specific long sleeve jersey. It's made of a nice, soft, fleeced fabric, and its black color should be quite slimming as I start getting less and less slim over the winter.

Now about the bike.

The more astute readers amongst you might have noticed something special about the head tube dimensions on my drawing.

Yes, that is a 44mm inner diameter on my headtube. That could mean one of two things. The man (or woman) who drew this had no idea what he (or she) was doing, or that we're doing something special and "modern" with this frame. Let's go with option two.

It looks like I will have one more thing in common with wilderness animal molester and fellow 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Champion Grig Martin.

Will we both be riding red bikes?

No...

But we will both be riding a with a combination zero stack upper cup/zero stack head tube compatible tapered lower headset from Cane Creek (although Grig is on the 44XX version while I hope to one up him with a 110).

According to the S.H.I.S. this would make it a ZS44/28.6~EC44/40. Don't know about the S.H.IS.? It's the new standard in bicycle standards. Read and learn. It should make life in the headset world a little easier. Notice that Chris King is not on board with the S.H.I.S.? Maybe after the ISIS debacle they're a little trepidatious about anything that sounds like a new standard. The good news is that unlike ISIS this actually works.

In an effort to bring as much stiffness to the front end as possible (without using solid tubing) we're going big on this bike. No more head tubes @ 90mm, this mighty mount will have 110mm of material to open up the front triangle a bit and create a more laterally stiff front end. That combined with a tapered fork should render a bike with maximal stiffness, which according to my junk mail inbox, is what every man wants to have and every woman desires.

Tapered fork? What is this? No more Niner crabon frok?

No, there will still be a Niner crabon frok in the picture, but this one here:

Photo cred: twentynineinches.com

Well, not that one exactly, but one that looks just like it, tapered steer tube and all. I feel that I might just be jinxing myself by posting that information in a public manner, but George at Bike29 has assured me that the fork will be here long before the frame will show up. I'm still worried anyways since Niner crabon froks go faster than free tickets to Ozzfest handed out in a trailer park. George has never let me down, so I should rest easy as he tells me that "this should come together like a shitty Beatles song now available on iTUnes."

No posting over the holidays.

Gobble gobble and all that shit.

Dope duped

I've been a fan of cycling for some time. I can remember watching very limited weekend coverage of the Tour de France when I was growing up in rural Ohio. As a fan I've always wanted to believe in my heroes, and I did so for perhaps a little longer than I should have. When Tyler was busted I felt slightly duped. How could you not wanna somehow live in a world where a guy like Tyler can win a race on grit, determination, and good guy charm?

I've read every book on cycling I could get my hands on in the PLCMC system. I've read all of the Lance books; It's Not About the Bike, Every Second Counts, Lance's War... you name it. If it was a Lance book, I read it. Such an intriguing story, and I have to say it made a great read. Most of them I had a hard time putting down, and I usually finished them within days of picking them up.

I've also read this book:

It was a great book too... although I wonder at what point it went from reality to fiction. I know I believed what I was reading was the truth, and how about that story? So detailed, exact, and inspiring it had to be true. Then again, the Harry Potter books are probably pretty detailed, exact, and inspiring, but I don't think my daughter's going to attend Hogwarts at any time in the near future. I think if he had just admitted to doping and told his whole sordid tale it would have been just as interesting.

Loren Mooney, co-writer of the book, has an interesting perspective on being part of the lie. You should read it (after you finish my post).

I wanted to believe in Floyd. I had witnessed him riding never ending wheelies around race venues wearing his TWP kit in Pennsylvania and West Virgina back in the early 90's. I have race results (from back in the day when they printed them off and mailed them to you) with he and Old Man Shogren topping the elite riders podium. I've seen his parents stand along the course tape and watch their boy do what he did best. That was real. The book? Not so much.

I have to admit I've believed every fairy tale in cycling, and I've been duped on a number of occasions. I could rattle off the names, but if you read cyclingnews.com or velonews.com or have watched any Tour de France since 1998 (the year of the Festina Affair) you already know them. Some of them I idolized as I watched them fly away in the mountains while others I admired for their grit when riding with wanton abandon off the front to steal away with a solo victory. Most of them argued their innocence, and most of them never admitted it when they returned to the peleton.

Within the past couple of years fellow courier Patrick Swayze has handed me copies of books he has gone out of his way to purchase.

Books that I feel at least show the other side of the story, and as I grow old and cynical I find that I'm not convinced of anything until I hear both sides of the story.

I just finished the "Lance to Landis" book. Another great read that I was able to plow through in a few days at work. It was interesting enough that I was pulling it out in elevators anxious to read on and get to the bottom of this story.

I'd love to read Rough Ride by Paul Kimmage, but PLCMC doesn't have it, and I'm too cheap to buy a book. I just might have to put it on my Christmas wish list, or hope that Swayze buys a copy he can loan out to me.

What do I believe? I think that if you have enough money, a lot of money, a rider or team can afford to initiate a medical program that uses autologous blood doping. Why "A LOT OF MONEY?" You have to have a medical professional that can carry it out properly, store the blood, infuse it safely back into your body when you need it, and risk his medical license. A lot of people need to keep quiet, but in the end you can't get caught at controls.

If you don't have as much money you look to drugs. EPO can be bought in Europe. Figuring out how to use it and beat the controls? The information is out there. Why do some people get caught and some people slip through the cracks? Dunno... maybe they fuck it up or get a little greedy for a win (Ricardo Ricco anyone?).

I didn't watch too much of the 2010 Tour. I'll probably watch even less of the 2011 Tour. I've lost my stomach for it. To all the "I told you so" folks out there, yes... you told me so. To Greg Lemond (who raced during a time of amphetamine, steroid, and cortisone abuse and whose career ended just as EPO hit the scene), I'm sorry I always thought of you as a washed up, bitter, chubby has-been when you're just a chubby guy, and perhaps every bit of a hero that I thought you were when I was seventeen. Maybe you doped too, but I'd like to think not.

If I was a high dollar racer/doper at this point in the game I would sell my story to the highest bidder. Tell the whole thing. The who's, the what's, and the how's. Take all the modern secrets and make them known and perhaps make it easier to catch and expose those who can't ride a bike and have morals (scruples, ethics, whatever) at the same time. Then buy a bunker with the money and hide.

Do I think that anyone is doping in the endurance mountain bike scene? I sorta doubt it, but then again I was surprised by Frankie Andreu's admission and just how easy it was for him to jump on the program in 1999. There's not a lot of money in it, but when you throw ego into the equation I start to wonder. Doping does wonders for recovery, and endurance racing is 50% recovery (a statistic I made up in my head).

No, I am not a washed up, bitter, chubby has-been looking for a reason behind my lack of podiums. I know that's all my fault, and I know my single speed competition isn't cheating by using drugs... well, the kinda drugs that ENHANCE performance anyways. The purpose behind this post is just an admission of currently having my eyes wide open while reserving "hero status" for people I know and love.

Also to explain just why I want to wear one of these next year as much as possible.

Whenever they're available.

More about the new bike (it is about the bike no matter what some people say) tomorrow.

Sonya Looney Picture Friday (again on a Monday) and I actually rode a bike

So it's not a hottie photo... whatever. Sure, Sonya face announced that she's down in Brazil getting tan lines in her new bikini, but the best thing I could find was a picture of her with a joey in her pants.

I've been on three mountain bike rides since Thursday. First I got in a ride with The Boy... a pleasant but short ride at the Backyard Trails in CLT. Saturday I got out for a couple laps at Sherman, and since I was wearing a watch I tried to see just how fast I could go on the Superbeast. I've never paid close attention to my lap times before, so I have no base line to compare it to, especially a time from when I'm in shape and on my much lighter single speed. So it was basically a pointless pursuit.

Sunday I was in the Dirty Little Box headed up to Warrior Creek with Leyonce and Wirun when I mentioned to them I was really anxious to see the Federally funded contracted "work" that was done on Kitsuma (one of the major parts of ORAMM). I had read the thread on MTBR, and I wanted to see for myself if it was as bad as reported or if things were being blown out of proportion. Since we were headed in the right direction and we just wanted to get a ride in we rerouted and planned for three loops up and down Kitsuma.

I should mention that I had no idea I'd be going to Kitsuma when I left the house. Had I known I woulda brought a camera or the HD GoPro to document what we saw. Also keep in mind that I grabbed the Meatplow thinking I was going to the buff Warrior Creek trails, and I hadn't been on a single speed since Crank the Shield in early September.

When we got to the parking lot Wirun laid his bike down on the blacktop. He heard an unexpected noise and then started grumbling. Apparently the nut that held his top pivot bolt in place had rattled free, and the bolt fell to the ground when he set the bike down. We went to work looking through the Dirty Little Box for anything that had a similar nut. When that failed I popped the hood and we looked inside to see if we could borrow one for the ride. Although we found many suitable candidates we had no wrench with which we could retrieve said nut, so we loaded back up and spent the next hour and fifteen minutes driving around looking for a hardware store, auto parts store, Family Dollar... anything that might be open on a Sunday morning and might have a metric nut. Eventually we found a auto parts store that was open, did have the nut, and allowed us to borrow a socket set. In the interest of discussing Kitsuma I'll skip the part about gas reserve lights coming on, missing exits, and very apologetic store owners who seemed very disappointed that they could not fulfill our hardware needs.

After making quick work of the four mile paved climb while enjoying the leaf free views of the surrounding area we got to the bottom of the climb up the back of Kitsuma. I've been up this trail a couple dozen times, many of those on a single speed, and I can say it is quite difficult for how short it is... or I should say "was quite difficult." Normally I'm walking all but three or four of the many switchbacks on the way up. I can honestly say that the entire first climb on Kitsuma is now totally rideable on a single speed (32X19), although maybe someone like Will Black was already able to ride a single speed all the way up (I wouldn't know, I was way behind him at this year's ORAMM). The switchbacks have all been improved, and I would say that the work done looked solid, although I was looking forward to trying to tackle the old lines on the Superbeast.

Coming down was a different story. This line at the top used to be super gnarly and steep.

photo cred: Cathie Docherty

Now it is just plain steep. I wonder if the work done will matter in a few years. This section is so steep I can't see how it won't end up rutted and nasty again. Won't matter much to me. I liked it the way it was... a nice skill filter early on for ORAMM competitors.

A little further down the trail we came to a switchback I stopped trying to ride many years ago. It was washed away, steep, and exposed. Now it looks like this:

photo cred: Tony Moll

That photo was ripped from Tony's blog. I actually think this is the second exposed and washed away switchback, but the work done was similar. I have no idea how long that wood will last or how that section will hold up to water. I also wonder when the government is paying a professional contractor to do the work just how long it should last. Although I'm sure the 1% of the riders who could negotiate the turn before the work are pissed because it's been "dumbed down" the work really needed done. Maybe not done in this manner, but time will tell.

Then came the "deep death wheel sucking holes" as I would like to call them. Think rolling grade dip on steroids. They pretty much eat up a wheel 26-29" in diameter and try to stop all forward momentum. The way they were built they are hard to negotiate using any skill I've ever acquired. I couldn't manual, pre-jump, or just roll them at speed. Horrid. Dangerous for a new rider to attempt? Sure. They're hard to see, they're on a FAST section of trail, and Kitsuma sees a lot of traffic (we saw a few slightly more novice riders while we were out there). They came up in sections that made absolutely no sense (to me) and a couple of them were 3/4 of the way through some tight downhill turns. Not sure what to say about that.

I'll agree with a lot of what was said on MTBR. There was work done where nothing was wrong with the original trail. Some of the work has actually made the trail appear to be less erosion resistant and pointlessly more dangerous. I've seen quality work in Pisgah before. I don't think this is it.

BTW: I am not a professional trail builder... far from it. Maybe this is how things are done and in a year everything will be ridden in and perfect. Maybe buried logs last decades, and we'll all be super stoked about this work at some point in the future. For now... meh.

Another BTW: Leyonce said he's getting a new bike for the 2011 ORAMM:



Should be perfect for Kitsuma.

What did I get done yesterday?

Not much, or a lot depending on how you look at it.

I found out that although I had previously said that Twin Six had sold out of Dicky's Death March jerseys apparently I lied or one might say I was slightly mislead (like "of course there are WMD's and we should go to war and then prematurely announce "Mission Accomplished"" mislead).

Apparently Brent had found Ryan's secret sleeping place in the warehouse, and Ryan had been using six DDM jerseys shoved in a pillow case to keep his head off the dusty shelf. Brent demanded that the jerseys be placed back into general circulation and that he and Ryan should be sharing the secret sleeping place while still keeping it a secret from the other subordinate employees.

So if you went over to the Twin Six Dark Area you might get your hands on one of the six still available jerseys (easy ordering instructions here for those of you unfamiliar with navigating the labyrinth that is the "Dark Area"). I can not see the total size amounts, but I know there are XL short sleeves and M & L sleeveless. Seriously, these are all that are left. There will be no second chances... not like last time when there were no second chances and then yet later you found out there would in fact be a second chance. Get some.

As much fun as I had with Twin Six in 2010 I think that branching out into some other Team Dicky logo apparel in 2011would be a most excellent idea. Since there is a history of people googling "penis sock" and landing on my blog I think maybe I should order some of these and get them logo'ed up with some Team Dicky goodness.

It's hard to tell if you are supposed to put only the twig in the sock or the twig with it's associated berries.

Just the twig? Not the berries? Fail.

Anyways, maybe I could get Swiftwick (maker of great "feet socks") to rip off the design slightly and then upgrade it by offering a wool blend and maybe even an olefin recovery compression penis sock. I can see this happening, and it's not very pretty.

I also spent some time yesterday trying to learn how to paint realistic nipples on Barbie dolls.

Once I realized I would never be able to do pro-level work I decided I would just buy my way to happiness like a real American. I really liked this artistic piece, but apparently someone felt it was worth hundreds of dollars and snagged it before I could.

Going back to what I know I decided to enter Thom's Mustache Ride for the Roses contest. All I had to do was photo shop a mustache on an image of Lance Armstrong and wait for my just rewards. Voting was yesterday, and since I didn't blog I did not have a chance to beg for your votes.

This was my entry:

That would be Sam Elliot's mustache (The Cowboy from Big Lebowski and Patrick Swayze's bouncer mentor from Roadhouse) on a post marathon Lance.

Of course I won the contest. All contests I enter are fixed and I always win (unless they are fixed to have someone else win). What did I win? A mustache ride from Marty Walsh of Geekhouse Bikes. I would like to think that would mean a Mudville single speed cross bike frame from Geekhouse, but alas I am quite wrong. I am getting a pint glass and a t-shirt.

Those brakes look familiar?

Well, if I can't have a cross bike I might as well be a cross bike brake t-shirt wearing poseur.

Shut up and listen

Let's get right to it.

I sat down (in the virtual sense) with a representative of the elitist cycling news website CyclingNews.com for a little one on one about the new frame I'll be riding on next year.

CN: So Dicky, we're hearing a lot about the frame you'll be riding next year, but we're not really hearing anything of substance. Any reason you're being so elusive?

TD: Yes.

CN: Care to expand on that?

TD: No.

CN: What material did you select for your new frame? Steel, aluminum, or carbon?

TD: Yes.

CN: Are you planning on giving us any answers other than "yes" or "no?"

TD: Maybe.

CN: So what will the new frame be made out of?

TD: Either steel, aluminum, or carbon... perhaps beryllium, stainless ceramic, or ivory.

CN: Ivory is illegal.

TD: Then not ivory.

CN: And stainless ceramic sounds like something you would make up for your blog.

TD: Errrr....

CN: What can you tell us about the frame?

TD: It's going to be a combination of everything I've always wanted in a frame. I'm taking the best of the bestest things I can think of and I'm putting it all it into one mega frame to rule them all.

CN: Everything?

TD: Well, everything except a refrigerator and unicorn wings.

CN: Unicorns don't have wings.

TD: Why does everybody keep telling me that? They do in my dreams... the ones without Sonya Looney in them. If she makes an appearance she always seems to get the wings.

CN: What can you give us that's actual proof that this new frame thing is for real?

TD: Here's the actual drawing, minus the details that would give away too much awesomeness.

CN: You've deleted a lot of information. Any reasons why?

TD: Do you know what would happen if the big corporations got a hold of this drawing? Let's just say the Big S has people sitting outside my house 24 hours a day, my phones are tapped, and my toilets haven't been flushing right for two weeks.

CN: You think Specialized did something to your toilet to spy on you? That doesn't sound very likely, but we did hear that they had a trained squirrel stationed in Stan's remote caddy on the arm of his La-Z-Boy, so we wouldn't put it past them. Any other hard information you care to share about the specifics?

TD: The new frame will hold two water bottles, albeit the old school Specialized ones with the pop tops. I hate those, but someone much smarter than me chose them for the design.

CN: Can you tell us anything else, specifically about the frame, and not about unicorns, improperly flushing toilets, stainless ceramic, or any other nonsense? Maybe you have a Sonya Looney picture you could share with us. We journalistic types at cyclingnews.com are quite enamored with her.

TD: The frame will have a few features that make it sort of modernish, but I'm not giving that information away here today. I've got to hold something over the readers' heads for the next few weeks if I want them to keep coming back. I've lost two followers since the off season began, and if this attrition continues I might lose what shreds of self esteem I have left. Photoshop only gets me so far.

CN: So that's all you have to say about your new frame? If that is all you can share I doubt we'll be able to publish this interview on the website. Bandwidth is pretty expensive, and we can't bump one of our very important doping articles for this nonsense. Did you hear that Alberto Contador is now saying he ate some beef that came from a cow that consumed a contaminated blood bag? It's true.

TD: I did not hear that. Perhaps if I doped you'd finally write about me.

CN: Maybe you'd actually win something in 2011. At least you might be interesting if you doped.

TD: Asshole.

CN: I would say the concludes this interview. Thanks for your time, and good luck with this frame that will probably never happen and if it does it will probably explode into a million pieces when you take it out of the box.

TD: Fucker.

All apologies

Sorry about messing up the second edition of Sonya Looney Picture Friday last week.

I've always said the one thing I'm very consistent at in all things I do is being inconsistent. It's just in my nature. I'm easily amused, easily bored, easily aroused, easily distracted, and easily...

Sorry, I got bored with that.

For a moment there I thought Sonya dropped me down to "stalker status" on Facebook. I couldn't see any of her photos this morning, but after thinking I was on the Looney shit list I realized I was logged in as The Pie.

The one thing that's always been a constant theme in my life is my inability to hold a long term focus. Depending on the subject I'm re-focusing on an hourly, daily, or weekly basis. I'm always slightly jealous when I get a chance to catch up on BikeSnob NYC, and I see that he has stayed consistently on theme for years. Colorways, palping, nonplussed, Larry King... day after day, year after year he keeps it up. Me, on the other hand, I jump from topic to topic quite randomly forgetting to run with good stuff or even mention it when applicable. When was the last time I mentioned Vikings? Fjear? The Seal of Semi-Approval? Awhile huh?

Such is my life. You're lucky it only affects you on an occasional basis. The Pie has had to deal with my "issues" for over eighteen years, God bless her.

What was I talking about? Cyclocross?

I got back from the cross race on Sunday and started scoping eBay for cross bikes. I realize it's a terrible time to be looking for a cross bike, and the fact that I want a single speed cross bike makes it all the harder to find what I want. The worst part is I am in no financial situation to be throwing money at a bike I really have no reason to own (except last weekend). I did find this gem:

That there is the SWOBO Crosby. It's only $999, and I find it's style sorta sexy, it's paint job less than desirable, and the parts pic below my elevated standards. Luckily it is sold as just a frameset.

That's better, and only $549 for the frame, fork, and a big cardboard box you can make a fort out of when you get tired of riding the bike. I've got parts laying around that I could build it up with, well that and some brakes and stuff I could stick in my pockets on another field trip to Cane Creek. I could get over the hideous paint and sliding drops, but the inclusion of ugly disc mounts definitely makes me give this bike my...

SEAL OF SEMI-APPROVAL

Ahhh... breaking out the old stuff.

Of course what I really want is some uber exclusive cross bike with horizontal umlauts (Germanic for track-ends), water bottle bosses, canti mounts ONLY, and a bitching paint job. Yes, I want this bike for that one race a year, and so when I dream about living somewhere in the world where I can go out on gravel road rides I can picture a specific bike instead of a random bike with a rainbow paint job and unicorn wings.

Tomorrow I'll talk about the bike that is really gonna be in my house at some point in the future. I won't tell you anything you really wanna know, but I'll make something up to fill in the gaping holes in the information.

Why you wanna be really good if you're gonna bunny hop the barriers (yoinked from drunkcyclist):

Running may not be the best option either.
Thanks Kim.

Cross the way and scary things called Cat 4 riders

No cross racing for me on Sunday. It was for the best. Six weeks since the not so accident and this is where I'm at:

Those are not slippers. They are high performance sport slides from Sole. What's the difference? Probably about $60 and a level of comfort that will make you feel like one of those top 1% earners in the US and A. Are they comfortable? Does your mother get angry when you don't wipe your feet on the bear skin rug when you come inside the house? So yes, my point was that a certain body part still does not entirely resemble its mirror image counterpart. Healing is still underway.

Sunday I did go spectate at the cyclocross race that was less than three miles from my house. People I knew would be racing and/or hanging out, so it was an opportunity to do absolutely nothing productive while standing around outside in the 70° weather for five hours.

This was the pits:

I have mixed feelings about the pits. No I don't. I just don't like the spare bike idea. Run what you brung and make it something that can last...oh, I don't know... 45 minutes?? I was reading the coverage of the USGP in FO CO CO just the other day (yes, I was looking at the womens coverage, who wants to see dudes running around in skinsuits?). Bike exchanges on every lap? Is this a 24 hour race? No, it's a cross race. I know it's part of the sport, but just as doping is an accepted part of the pro peleton I don't have to like it either.

Speaking of dope....

Lee Flythe managed to stir a crew of beer drinking cross fans to come. All we need is about a thousand more and we'll be only a thousand short of a cross race in Portland.

As nifty as it was to see the Cat1 1's tear up the course most of the people came to see the Cat 4's. I don't know why. They were terrible.

"I hope my coach didn't see that. She can really be quite barbarous after a poor performance."

This one actually cried out for his mommy (which, like having fun, is also against USACyling rules).

This poor fellow spent more time in the sand than all the cast members of Point Break put together. He was soon back up and riding after getting a swift kick in the ass from a hipster cross fan.

This Cat 4 rider approaching the sand pit was asked to leave the race after he shouted "Get the fuck outta the way sand rookie!"

The race was just melee after melee, riders shoving their way past the other competitors, a total disregard for rules not only governing cycling but society, and I have to say some of the riders reeked of alcohol.

I'm sorry. I posted the wrong photos. The Cat 4 photos looked just the same, but with slightly taller riders (the facts still applied).

After the race Kenny celebrated his non-victory, while my main man from Cane Creek, Eric Smith, was consoled by his dear, sweet mother after he flatted out minutes into the drunken brawl that was the Cat 4 death race and was relegated to DFLDNF after a long period of blubbering and crying.

USACycling Rule 4.2 ~ There is no crying in cyclocross (unless you're a female and on the podium).

Somebody please tell me why my blog editor has shrunk to half its normal size and migrated to the upper left hand corner of the screen?

Everything else is normal on my computer and I'm getting sick of editing my blog with a magnifying glass.