Urban outlaw bjound?

This weekend I intend to accomplish the shit outta some things. All the time I spend at work sans interweb has me backed up in a few areas. I want to make some headway as far as the 2010 Bad Idea Racing jerseys go. The problem for me is that I wanna see the whole project laid out in my mind before I go committing to the execution, as opposed to going in balls out without a plan and hoping that it all works out. That may work for racing, but when I'm involving others in my life I don't wanna let people down.

The other project would be "designing" a new messenger bag. I use the term "designing" pretty loosely since I'm just gonna come up with some ideas as to how to make a better messenger bag and then forward them to Tamas at Bagaboo. I already have a Workhorse bag, but the flap is showing some unusual wear, and I think I might wanna replace it before the wet winter we're expecting. Tamas has upgraded his outter material to 1000 Denier Cordura and his main strap is now seatbelt webbing to prevent fraying. Tamas is usually okay with adding a few features (like my water bottle holder), but this go around I've got a lot of ideas as to how I want this bag to work. If the price is right I'm in, but for what I want it might just get a little silly. We'll see. If you want a bag that will make you look really cool on your hipster bike I highly recommend the Bagaboo stuff, and if you want fancy custom bag you should definitely check out just what he can do with cordura, thread, and some patience.

My current bag, but in it's better days.

This weekend I'm also gonna try to sneak out on a short mountain bike ride on Saturday, and then maybe squeeze in a outlaw urban cyclocross race on Sunday. I worked pretty hard last night getting my cross bike together.

Yeah, that's my cross bike... or errrrr... the closest thing I got. It does have cross tires, and the Misfit FU2 bars are kinda swoopy, so why not call it a cross bike? Other tidbits include a 36X19 fixed gear on a Phil Wood hub (built by Unlucky Drew), an old, rebuilt (by the outlaw cross race promoter) Bontrager OEM front wheel (taco'ed while on loan to Big Worm), eBay fork (powder coated pink while in the Big Worm's possession), a headset that is half Race Face and half prototype Cane Creek Aer Headset, and some other sundrious stuff I had laying around.

But...

See that stack of shit behind the beautiful cross bike? Those are boxes left over my moving my mom that I have yet to deal with yet. There are even more boxes at her place that are still unpacked. So I got that going against me, and I still need to spend quality time with the family that doesn't include unpacking boxes, grocery shopping, leaf raking, bike maintenance, or watching mixed martial arts on VSTV. My ability to attend the outlaw urban cross race is hanging in the balance, so you might just have to go without me (or come over and help me wade through this world of piled high shit).

Speaking of races and such I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that registration is open for SSUSA/SSAZ. Only the first 100 people get in, so register soon and often. Spend a Febraury weekend in Arizona and maybe you'll get to see Dejay act like a grown man while you're there (not likely).

Prepare to be bored: How I stopped the pain in my wrists/hands/thumbs/etc.

I've made very little mention of my wrist/hand problem recently. That would be because it has pretty much disappeared over the last few months. I know some people would like to know how I fixed myself, but I did a combination of quite a few things, so I'm not sure which ones worked and which ones were pointless. What did I do?

Some of you might remember that this all started about the same time Nia (formerly known as Fajita, but I'm starting to think of her as "The Girl" more often) became part of our family (Feb 2007). I think my pain started when we moved my computer out of her room and onto my work bench. Months later I alleviated some of the pain by building my half-assed keyboard tray.

FYI: I believe the donation of a flat screen monitor to Bad Idea Racing would be a tax write off.

This helped, but I needed more relief. I kept looking for total pain resolution over the next year and a half. I tried putting a Fox fjork on my bike last winter to give my wrists a break, I swapped my ti bar out for a 17 degree sweep Salsa carbon, and I tried some Ergon grips.

The Fox fjork did not save me, a nagging injury to my pinkie was incompatible with the metal lock-on of the Ergon grip (other than that they were pretty comfy), and the bar did not agree with me. So what did I do this summer to make it all go away?

At work I started using dramatically swept bars. On The Fastest Bike in the World I mounted up some generic hoopty cruiser bars...

and the Thylacine fixed gear training machine got a pair of FU2 bars.

These bars made a huge difference that I could feel while riding. Although I couldn't adapt to the position off road it made a world of difference on the bikes I spend 90% of my time riding.

I also dropped the foam grips I'd been using for years, and swapped to hard core grips like the ones above and these:

Not as comfy to the hand as the Ergons, but the lock on collar is no longer under my lame pinkie finger. I think the squishy grips, while comfortable, were forcing me to grip harder to compress the grip and hold onto the bars. Also I have average sized hands, so the smaller diameter grip fits in my hand a whole lot better.

I also taped my wrists or wore a couple Swiftwick compression wrist bands over the summer. I no longer need to do any taping for any length ride now. I still wear the Swiftwick wrist bands when the temps are chilly to keep my joints warm, or their arm warmers (with compression cuff) when the temps drop even more.

Non gear related lifestyle changes that I made were a reduction in after work interwebbing and some new supplements with my morning bowl of oatmeal. I added flax seed oil and fish oil to my daily regimen. I'm not sure any of that stuff actually did anything, but I'm not gonna argue with success. Last winter I was wondering if I was gonna have to quit riding or look into another profession, and now I'm going into the winter feeling as fresh as a daisy.

I'm not saying any of the above solutions will work for you. I do get questions from time to time about how to reduce wrist/forearm/hand pain when riding rigid, and I figured I'd share my findings with the class. I know that was pretty boring stuff, but I had to get it out there at some point. Kinda sucks to go into winter with my limbs feeling better than ever (as opposed to going into the "season"), but I'll take it. These past few years have been rough, and I'm thinking 2010 is gonna be my year (whatever that means).

Any questions?

No?

Good.

Another Terribly Biased Product Review

Just about a month ago the kinda people I like to call my "friends" over on that time suck known as Facebook started updating their status as "searching for my arm warmers" or just generally bitching about the change in weather we've been experiencing. The cooler temps are calling for the additional layers that some folks box up, stow away, or misplace during the summer. Mine never leave their established position on second shelf from the top in my bike room. I have to wear them at work and on recreational rides through a decent portion of the year, so I don't take risks leaving them hilly nilly about the house.

I love arm warmers and knee warmers. I don't see why they never took hold with the general populace, as they seem like the most brilliant creation since the penis sock (sorry, I'm just trying to boost the hits I get from the google search for "penis sock"). Removable sleeves and the ability to change any pair of shorts into capris with small garments that fit in your pockets??? Move over sliced bread....

I've been wearing different brands of arm warmers for the last fifteen plus years, but I definitely have a favorite now. While I was in Colorado last summer I received an urgent care package from Swiftwick which was delivered to MOOTS headquarters where I was staying. Apparently they didn't want my twiggly little arms getting cold whilst riding around in the upper stratosphere, so they saw to it to send me not one, not two, but three pair.

I coulda reviewed them some time ago, but that woulda been a bit bogus. I barely wore them more than once while I was at the Breck Epic since the temperatures were always quite pleasant (except for when I was trying to sleep). I decided to hold off my judgment till the weather got cold enough to actually test them in some brisk weather. Otherwise my review woulda read "They sorta look like a missing piece from a Tron costume", and that woulda been that.

Over the last couple of months I've had a chance to test them out at work and on the trail. I've worn them in the rain and the cold, and I've sported them all by themselves in the bedroom (when appropriate). Here's what Swiftwick has to say about them:

"Swiftwick has just put out a great pair of arm warmers made from Olefin. Slide these form fitting sleeves onto your arms and you are going to be thrilled by the comfort and warmth provided. And, Swiftwick products are made in the USA! ....(I skipped the next few sentences after I fell asleep and had a patriotic dream).... As the only Nobel Prize winning fiber (They just don't give out Nobels to anybody, do they?), Olefin retains less than .01% of its weight in moisture – so much so, that it floats! This produces a fast drying, lightweight arm warmer with incredible breathability, superb abrasion resistance and outstanding wear. Another key feature to the Swiftwick arm warmers are the 200 Needle Construction. This is a much higher than any industry practice and equal to medical standard. If you have discovered the world of high thread count bed sheets (I did at the MOOTS apartment, and I can say that I slept like a king while I was in Steamboat Springs, so I went to Walmart and bought some white sheets, replaced the ones at the MOOTS apartment with the cheaper sheets, and now I enjoy high thread count sheets every day in the comfort of my own home), you will understand the smooth, comfortable products Swiftwick offers. These arm warmers are a truly pragmatic (I'll admit I had to look that word up just to see that they musta meant busy, officious, and opinionated) tool for fending off the cold. They are quick and easy to get on and off and are perfect for the rider looking to cut weight and/or have just the right thing to take the edge off a nippy ride."

Those are all the claims the marketing department could think up. I can attest to the fact that they do stay pretty warm when wet, and they do dry pretty fast. I don't necessarily know if they are any lighter than my previous arm warmers, but I can tell you that they did stay in place while riding which would be way more important than weight comparisons. I haven't purposely wrecked my bike to check out the abrasion resistance, but if they are made with the same Olefin material as my socks I can attest to owning a drawer full of unsnagged, unabraded Olefin socks that have held up remarkably well. The arm warmers come in three sizes (17", 19", and 21"), and I happen to have two of the sizes available. The 17" version fits me fine, but I love the coverage of the 19" much better. Both of them stay up equally well, so I would say if you have any doubt as to which size you might wear buy the longer one.

I haven't quite figured out quite why yet, but you can roll the cuff up if you wanna expose some skin to the frigid air.

Rolling the cuff does expose a sizable logo, so if one was a label whore I can definitely see why one would be all over this.

So I'm digging on my arm warmers. These things do what they are supposed to do (warm my arms), and they do it with style. Unfortunately I can't figure out if the gray stripes are style or if they perform some sort of function, but they are the reason that this item only gets my Seal of Semi-Approval.

My Swifwick arm warmers did not come with instructions, and the whole time I've had them I'd been wearing them with the stripes on my elbows:

Imagine my surprise as I was researching this review when I found out I was wearing them backwards.

As you can see in the image of the arm warmer on a cadaver arm the stripes are intended to be aligned with your elbow pit. I think back to all those times I've been wearing them in public, and I could hear faint snickers from onlookers. Now that I think of it my friends were keeping their distance on the trail, and there was a lot of whispering in the parking lot. All that humiliation coulda easily been avoided with the inclusion of a small owner's manual with each pair. The problem is I've gotten so used to wearing them my way I don't know if I can bring myself to do it the way that "The Man" wants me to wear them. I wonder if I voided my warranty by wearing them improperly? I'm gonna have to see if my Swiftwick benefits package includes some therapy sessions.

MOOTS TV

For some odd reason whenever the MOOTSblog gets updated it never gets bumped to the top of my "Regularity Issues" column, so I stop over there from time to time to see what's new with my main sponsor that they're not telling me directly. The other day I clicked over and saw a video segment Vail TV8 had done when they paid MOOTS a visit to feature them on Colorado Finds.




The main person that TV celebrity Kirsten Ginnity interviews is my contact at MOOTS, Jon Cariveau. When I give MOOTS a call he's the guy on the other end picking up the phone to deal with all my stuff. When I bell them up to ask if they can get my blue kits any bluer for 2010 he's the guy on the other end saying "No". When I want to know if I can get one of every kind of frame MOOTS manufactures as part of my 2010 contract he's the one who has the pleasure of saying "You've got to be shitting me". When I ask if there's any way I could quit my job and race full time he's the person with his head on his shoulders telling me to check my results*and keep my day job. He's almost like Mike Piazza, except he's a real person and not the manifestation of some third personality of mine.

The video is kinda cool if you wanna see titanium being cut, mitered, squished, welded, blasted, and filed. There's also a dog, a trumpet, and the little ghost boy from Three Men and a Baby in the background if you watch close enough. I was kinda disappointed that they didn't go upstairs and get the camera into the apartment where I stayed back in July. You'd think people would want to see where uber blogger/unprofessional racer Rich Dillen and his man at arms Pete-unh had laid their weary heads, ate meals, and watched scrambled porn while staying at The Mothership.

*If you bothered to click the link over to my results you would see my new header image that was taken by George Wissell while we were in Durango. I like the fact that this image is at the top of my race results, yet I wasn't racing at the time the image was taken and apparently I'm not even riding along the actual trail.

So how could I make my weekend more exciting?

Here is what the Meatplow looks like when it is safely attached to the back of a vehicle (on a non-sponsor non-approved non-rack):

I was leaving for the mountains with a new crew on Sunday. I hopped in a car with Ben and Todd with my bike strapped to the back of Jon's Explorer. On our way to pick up Cameron (who was supposed to be at a designated meeting point, but something about alarm clocks or electricity happened) I sat in the back seat of Ben's car watching my bike travel down the road ahead of me. Something looked peculiar about the orientation of the hooked arm, and before I could explain my concerns the next thing I knew I was watching my bike fall over and teeter towards the surface of 4th Street.

It didn't fall all the way to the earth's man made driving surface. The rear wheel of the Meatplow remained locked into the rear tray as the front wheel dangled precariously close to the street... for a few seconds, and then it started to bounce off the blacktop at 40MPH. Meh. Meanwhile I was on the back of the car asking Ben nicely to please honk his horn or flash his lights as my bike was in terrible danger. Ben did better than that and sped up to Jon so we could start yelling "PULL OVER!!!!!". He did, and then turned into a parking lot, and then started to back up... "NO!!!!"....

He stopped backing up before bad things happened, and upon inspection the worst thing that happened to my bike seems to be just a slightly tweaked front wheel. I helped Jon put my bike on that rack at my house in the first place, and in both of our defenses it was a borrowed rack that was on his vehicle. Neither one of us realized the hook on the not-so-friendly-to 29'ers Yakima rack had to be pulled on pretty damn hard to get the hook into the proper position. Anyways... no harm, no foul. The Meatplow lived to fight another day.

And what a day it was. We met up with Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever, Mike Brown, and Kassi and went out on a route that never stopped changing from the moment the ride was first discussed days ago, through a driveway meeting to my house, all the way on the drive up, and the whole time we spent on the trail. "What about this?" and "How about that?" the whole way. We spent some time over on parts of the Swank course (forwards and backwards), and I just realized that the course is different than it was the last time I did it in 2006 making me wish I was gonna be there in 2009 (but I won't).

The Geek Air drop on Cat Gap.

Photo cred: Eric

So new folks in the mix, suffering through near tragedy on the streets of Charlotte, bumping into my old PMBAR partner Jody "Little Feet" Flemming in the woods, running into Shanna in the parking lot, broken chain, a few trips over the bars (not me)... just another better than average ride in Pisgah on a beautiful fall day (made better by the fact that my bike didn't fall off on I85 and end up under an eighteen wheeler).

Not even a bowl of iceberg with some ranch?

Today marks the end of the "salad days".

As I mentioned two and a half weeks ago I will be losing my eight times a day gravy run indefinitely starting Monday. I will be counting them down as the hours go by, and at 4:30 today I will make my final trip to the 21st floor of 201 South College Street. I can't even remember how long it's been since I started going over there, but it's been years and years. It' become my life very ordinary.

I woulda thought I'd be more bummed about losing such a large portion of my income, but for some odd reason I'm not. Things are going so smoothly with my mom moving down here, and everything else in life seems peachy, so I guess that's why the money thing isn't getting me down. It doesn't hurt that I'm comforted by the fact that I still have a job in these times, and I'm also not the sole bread winner in the house. The Pie R.N. is securely employed and a top performer in her position, and we've already had our share of struggles in the early days (yes, just like my hero up top I spent some time on the couch in a trailer with my desert flower watching TV and drinking beer for entertainment).

Everything else in my life seems great. My kids are fine, my health is probably better than ever (I think my anemia is behind me and my wrists/hands/thumbs feel 97% better than they did last year at this time), and as of last night it looks like I got MOOTS officially on my side in 2010. I'll be stoked to have them back on board as they really helped me make great bike race in 2009. I really love my bike, and I like the idea of racing the same bike for quite possibly two years in a row. On the bright side of income reduction and material gains, this loss of income will keep me from buying a new bike (squishy or road) in the near future, and that will keep me from having to decide what bike to buy and save me from the buyers remorse I'm sure I would suffer from a few months down the road.

I'm really gonna have to get serious about looking into a designer for the 2010 Bad Idea Racing jerseys. I felt bad about not pulling it off this year (especially after I kinda said I would), and it was really cool how it all worked out in 2008. Here's where I could use some feedback. Some of my sponsors would like to be on the jersey, enough so that they would pay me to have their logos on there somewhere. This brings up many questions:

Would you want the jersey even if it had quite a few logos on it?

All right, I had some other questions, but they were more or less moral issues I'll have to deal with down the road if I choose to pursue this approach. I hate asking folks for more, more, more when they have already given more than I feel I deserve. As a matter of fact this jersey thing brings up more issues than I care to think about... leaning on friends for design work, country of manufacture, leaving some sponsors off the jersey based on some criteria I invent, pricing... you name it. I attach a lot of myself to the issue when it gonna be me asking you to buy something with my name all over it (hmmm... there's a nice design option).

Maybe one more question: These questions are real questions I would like answered. Not like when I ask "Does this MOOTSpost make my butt look big?"

Should I open this up as a design contest?

Post a comment or shoot me an email at teamdicky at hotmail dot com with some honest feedback. Sales of this jersey would help support me (and no one else) as I make great bike race in 2010, so I'm really hoping I don't fail yinz this go around. If you got "connections" I'd love to hear from you. I'm thinking I can do a little something something for anybody that helps me get this project rolling, you know... like wash your car, babysit your kids, give you some old 26" tubes, be your wingman at the bar... you name it.

Get excited. I need feedback now!!

PS: I did not see Race Across the Sky last night, and I still slept like a baby.

Maybe I need a unicycle

While the well documented "fixed gear for fashion" movement trudges along with no hint of ending there still seems to be an immense amount of practicality in the use of a fixed geared machine for my line of work. Most messengers start out delivering packages on whatever bike they have available. For me it was an old 1992 steel Stumpjumper with a rigid fork and purple Dia Compe brakes. When that bike started looking worse for wear I upgraded to a Supergo Access frame with a Manitou 3 fork (with holes drilled in the bottom so the rain could drain out). In its final days I ran it with a single 52T front ring until I felt like the cable lock was about ready to wear all the way through the seat tube. The final predecessor to The Fastest Bike in the World was my DeBernardi road bike. This is where the evolution began.

I bought it off eBay, and it came fully equipped with Shimano 600 components. I didn't like the road bar set-up, so I swapped it over to a flat bar with a thumbie for the rear shifting duties and a down tube shifter for the front. Eventually, as things wore out, this bike became a 1X8, and then a 1X5, and it ended up being a 1X1. In between the replacement of chainrings and cogs there was also the occasional replacement of brake pads. These were usually swapped out after I would spend the better half of a rainy day brakeless because my miserly (or lazy) ways would catch up with me.

After awhile the thrill of doing bike maintenance after a long day of riding in a February rain got old, and in an effort to reduce the moving parts on my bike I went fixed gear, and shortly after that, fixed and brakeless. No more sticky cables, worn out brake pads, expensive cassettes, worn out derailleurs, (sorta) expensive chains, broken cables, worn out rims, frozen freehubs, black fingers after fixing a flat in the rain... so many things I wouldn't miss from the old days. That does not mean I'm totally free from all maintenance, though.

I had been going through chains at a rate that seemed a bit quicker than normal. Being that I don't ride that many miles anymore (enough to be wearing out chains that quickly) I eventually caved in and looked into it a little further. Of course I knew what the culprit was... I just hate working on my work bike.

On the right is one nasty, worn out chainring. Eater of chains, destroyer of rollers, maker of grotesque noises... it had to go along with his little steel friend.

The cog was looking a little sharky itself. This little bastard probably brought an early demise to many an innocent PC-1.

No doubt about it, fixed gears are just a shit ton less work. I don't know how many nights I would come home soaking wet and cold knowing that I had at least an hours worth of work to do on my bike (once I was clean and defrosted) fixing what ever failed that day or would probably fail tomorrow if I didn't do something about it. Those moments are few and far between on the fixed gear. Is the chain loose? Tighten it. Is it pulled too far back? Measure it. Is it worn out? Replace it. Oh yeah, check the air pressure once a week, and that's about it.

New ring, new cog, new chain... I can feel the awesomely quiet transfer of power from my legs to the street. That's gotta be the best reason to ride a fixed gear ever... well that and I get an excuse to wear my daughter's jeans.

Ladies and Gentleman, Pearl Jam (or not)

February. It's still over three months away, but it's always on my mind. Why? Decisions. Every year I've gotta pick and choose my races, and sometimes a few of them that I really wanted to do end up on the cutting room floor. Time, money, conflicting dates, commitments, logistics, work, family, and boredom all come into play when it's time to make the call. This February I'll be faced with my first of these such decisions for 2010: The Season of Broken Dreams;

P36AR VS SSAZ/SSUSA

I've been thinking about doing each of these events quite a bit over the last coupla years. Both of them are promoted by a coupla of my friends (Eric PMBAR Honcho Wever and Dejay Birtch) so the friend card can be a hard one to play when there are two in your hand. Somehow they managed to pick the same date in February for their events, as if there just weren't any other weekends to choose from (I've looked at the calender, and there are three others). I've been making a mental plus/minus checklist which I've decided to share with the class today.

P36AR plus:

I can drive to it (it's in Pisgah).

I don't have to take any time off work (although I will have to return to work on Monday after doing the 36 hour race).

The outta pocket costs are extremely low.

I want to do this race at least once before I die (that could happen at any time and maybe even at the race itself).

I sorta know what I'm getting myself into (36 hours of cold and pain).

I'll get to see some folks I know.

SSAZ/SSUSA plus:

I haven't been to Arizona in years (and when I was there it was a horrible experience at the 24HITOP).

Being in Arizona in February sounds pleasant.

Being on vacation is always better than being at work.

It would be relatively cheap (compared to other out west adventures I've been on).

There would be lots of camaraderie and hanging out.

It's easier to enjoy a beer when you're not riding for 36 hours.

I'll get to see some folks I know from all over the country.

P36AR minus:

No matter what the promoter tells me I know that I'm gonna miss out on some sleep (I like sleep).

It's gonna be cold and more than likely wet (I hate being cold and wet).

It's gonna be hard at a time when I'm not really ready for a hard time.

I've already ridden almost everything in Pisgah before, so I won't see anything new (except maybe my penis in a frozen state).

SSAZ/SSUSA minus:

It's gonna cost me money.. real money... amigo money. I'm figuring $2oo-300 plus unpaid time off work (that's a decent chunk of money).

This is not the time to be taking unpaid time away from work (I need to make hay while the sun shines).

I'll be eating into my time off work just one month into the year.

I'll be burning up kitchen passes on the home front.

It means travel.. airplanes, bike boxes, luggage, and all the crap I just absolutely abhor when it comes to racing.

Time, money, conflicting dates, commitments, logistics, work, family, and boredom are all accounted for and in a state of conflict. If I choose not to decide I still have made a choice, right? I gotta do one or the other, so I guess I need to get off the fence and do something a little less close to doing nothing, but different than the day before. Can I mix a Rush reference with Prince, or is that poor form? Who cares? I'd go see both of them in concert together (if the tickets were free, I didn't have to take time off work, it was an indoor concert with climate control, and I could take some friends with me).

"I only want to see you riding in the Pisgah Rain. Pisgah Rain, Pisgah Rain..."

That Butt Stuff review (as promised)

On Saturday's ride I did get a chance to try out my new (to me) chamois cream, That Butt Stuff. I did not remember to get any footage of the application nor did I take any before or after photos. I was tempted to stage a dramatic reenactment of the whole application process at home using fruit, but the only fruit we had at home was a banana, and I didn't want people to get the wrong idea.

Although the ride was only 25 or so miles I can't say that the distance that I covered quite comfortably would stand as a true testament to the excellence of this product. I was wearing it for quite some time though (nearly seven hours), and it was just as effective at the end of the day as it was when I started out. It was a nice frigid day with plenty of water spraying up off the rear tire, so not having a chapped ass at the end of the day was a pleasant surprise.

"Hey Eric, does my new chamois cream make me look taller?"

I applied less cream than I would have normally used to see if I could be a bit more economical with it. I used to slather my chamois like I was making a BLT (balls, lotion, and taint sandwich), but I was able to get away with using a much less liberal application of That Butt Stuff.

"Hey Tim, does my new chamois cream make me look more gangster?"

I plan on getting a few more longer rides with this stuff (or That Stuff) before I give it the "go to" status. It seems as if it is superior to what I've been using for years, but I'm not sure if that was just the beer talking. A beer-free ride is being planned in the near future, and I'm hoping to have a decision before the big "hush hush" ride takes place in less than a month.

"Do you guys think the racers will be able to smell my new chamois cream from down there?"

I would love to give That Butt Stuff my Full Seal of Approval, but I just can't. First off I haven't had a chance to come up with my Full Seal of Approval yet, as I still don't have a photo of me with a taco and a hot dog. Secondly, I've only been on one ride using it, and that hardly seems enough time spent with a new product to give it a full endorsement. I'm gonna use it a bunch right up until the big "hush hush" ride, and then if all goes well it will keep me happy for "X" amount of hours in "X" location.

"Should we tell Captain Morgan that I mixed some of That Butt Stuff in my Budweiser?"

So for now I can only give That Butt Stuff my Seal of Semi-Approval.

Why only Semi-Approval? Well, if you're going to take the time to make a product that's 100% natural it seems that it woulda been worth it to go one more step. Why not make That Butt Stuff 100% edible? No more carrying gels AND little sample packets of chamois cream. Just fill a gel flask with 100% natural/100% edible That Butt Stuff and go*. Just put a little in your mouth and a little down the back of your chamois at every aid station, and you'd be guaranteed to make great bike race. Makes perfect sense to me, so I can't see why they didn't put out that little bit of extra effort to make That Butt Stuff a chamois cream AND a nutritional supplement.

*That Butt Stuff is not and never will be edible. Please do not eat That Butt Stuff alone or with other food... although I've heard That Butt Stuff tastes great on a freshly tossed salad.

All color photos were ripped from Blair's flick'r site, and the B&W photo was courtesy of BW.

Non Stage Non Race Non Report

Saturday I went on one of the most interesting, dynamic rides I've been on in a long time. Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever talked Big Worm, Skidaladophy, and I into getting up before 5:00 am in order to catch the start of stage three of the Pisgah Mountain Bike Stage Race before we headed out on our head-on collision of a route. We got there with fifteen minutes to spare and mingled with some of cycling's greatest.

The most distinguished rider in the bunch had to be Captain Morgan. He's just got that... that... well, maybe he's not that distinguished, but I think he was the only one to take the beer handup later in the day. If I was looking at the SS podium picture I saw on Facebook correctly Captain Morgan took the top step. Huzzah for the Captain!!!

Garth "Sideshow" Prosser was in the house, but I expect to see him at every race I go to, so I was hardly in awe at his attendance.

Bruce Dickman (The Mouth of the Dirty South) was there making noise and such. He looks quite dashing in an orange vest, let me tell you. I see a future for him at GDOT.

Carey Lowery had an interesting piece of technical gear. Perhaps she was blocking the vents in order to be more aero on the long paved leadout on Saturday's stage.

Here's the nervous peleton as they are minutes away from heading out into the Pisgah Nasty:

From left to right you'll see the likes of Sam Koerber, Cheryl Sorenson, Sue Haywood's butt, Geoffrey Bergmark, Wild Bill, and then the rest of the people there were just a bunch of riders on Lefty's (I think).

Ergon BD2 locked and loaded for the day's adventure. Beer really reduces the carrying capacity, but there was still room for a couple burritos.

So anyways we had some riding to do after the racers headed out on their way. We (Eric, Big Worm, Skidaladophy) drove over to the horse stables, parked our fossil fuel burning transport devices, and readied ourselves for the ride. We were waiting on a group of "others" to show up before we got underway, but a phone call seven minutes past our ETD confirmed that our posse (Blair, Rob C., and Tim) were still on the way. We circled the lot impatiently, and before they were ready Big Worm and Eric headed up Clawhammer alone at a slow pace. When Skiddaladophy and I saw that packs were being readied we left the parking lot as well.

On the way up I realized it made no sense to wait at the top of the climb since we were all headed over over the gap and going the same way. The plan was modified en route sans communique hoping that those at the rear would understand that the goal was to catch all the racers coming down Pilot Rock trail and to see them ALL as we pushed up. We carried on like a wayward son being beckoned by the musings of Kansas.

On the course at 1206, but still not on Pilot Rock... yet.

Once we got onto the bottom of Pilot Rock not even ten minutes went by before the first rider (Jeremiah Bisquick) went by. He was followed by local Sam Koerber, and then a few other guys came straggling along. One of them had a flat, and upon further inspection I noticed that he was on Stan's tires.

This is the last tire I would ever want on a very wet Pilot Rock descent, but then again this guy woulda been kicking my ass even on these tires, so what do I know?

We finally made it to the HumVee section, and there was a photographer there, so we took off our packs, broke out the beers, and hunkered down. Not too much later the posse rolled up, and we had ourselves a packed grandstand. We saw carnage, we saw courage, we saw smiles, and eventually when things got cold, we saw fire.

Who carries fire starters in Pisgah? Not this lucky (and now warm) racer, but I know who does.

We watched every single racer (who made it this far) come down the course, and once the sweep rider went past we set out to finish our ride. We were supposed to ride all the way up to the top of Pilot Mountain and then down Laurel to get some beers to race volunteer Mike Brown, but we were outta beer, and Mike was soooooo far away... so sorry Mike. No beer for you.

We decided to out-and-back Pilot hopefully pushing up to the snow that all the racers coming down were raving about. We pushed up, and up, and up, and after several attempted mutinies and board meetings we realized we were getting further out from the car with little energy or food reserves, and all the beer was gone. We never saw the snow on the ground, and we sadly had to settle for an occasional flake falling outta the sky.

On the way back we changed our route multiple times as morale and time constraints became more of an issue. Our way back from the happy place had Big Worm tossing chains and Eric had the issue that I've always wondered about....

I mean, they're made of plastic, right???

I even sprung a coupla leaks on the way down.


I could go on and on, but suffice to say we had one of those rides that recharges the soul. Twenty five or so miles in something like seven hours. Killer pace. Best time I've had in a long while.

So put your hands down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts

This weekend's scheduled ride should be a hoot... what, with the rain and cold temps it should be no problem keeping my beer cold on the way to an undisclosed observation point in the Pisgah National Forest in order to enjoy the views and watch professional bike racers make great bike race. And to make the experience all the better I'll be field testing a product that is new to all of us at Bad Idea Racing... That Butt Stuff.

I have to admit that after seeing all the other star powered butt products that have come out over the past year I myself have considered coming up with my own concoction of chamois cream. Pua has her Okole lotion and Zabriskie has his own nutz cream, so why shouldn't I have my own blog powered butt salve? I could call it Dick's Butt Jizz, or maybe Dick's Quick Cream... or perhaps Bad Idea Butt Lube. Who wouldn't line up to buy that stuff as long as it had my celebrity endorsement behind it? No one? Well, I guess it's a good thing I got some of That Butt Stuff before the weekend.

This should be a good ride to test it out on... the rain, a long day in the woods, the chilly and moist saddle doing it's best to put my panties in a bunch. I can't wait to try and do some damage to that piece of skin affectionately referred to as "the taint".

FYI: That Butt Stuff is produced and packaged in Hot Springs, AR, and I have to admit that it was a friend of a friend who helped get a sample to my ready-to-apply hands. Although I have nothing against anything unnatural when it comes to my nether regions this stuff (or That Stuff) is all natural* for you folks who think more of your privates than I do. Regardless of how I feel about protecting my nether regions from the likes of DOW Chemical, That Butt Stuff owner Adam Moore must know he's taking a big risk sending his product to me. I'm rather picky when it comes to bike stuff, and knowing that even the best products that have come my way have only gotten my Seal of SEMI-Approval you would think he woulda had second thoughts about sending a tube my way. I just don't give these things out (usually there are large sums of money involved).

I'll try to get some video of the application process and before and after shots to keep you full informed. I would do a shoot out with the competition, but DZ has never sent me any product, and I just can't bring myself to use Pua's sample. I still have Pua's cream here on my desk, but given the size of the sample I am reluctant to waste it. I'm still trying to figure out if I should apply it to 1/10th of my taint or moisten my upper lip with it.

Wow, you're going to have so much to look forward to next week. A Pisgah Stage Non Race report and a product review. All right, I have to admit if that's all you have to look forward to next week your life might be a little sad, but that's why I'm here... to brighten your otherwise sad day (for about five minutes).

* There is a bunch more information on the That Butt Stuff website (ingredients, what's not in it, how he came up with the idea for the product, etc) that I'm not gonna bother cutting and pasting it here on the blog since the check that accompanied the product did not have enough zeros on it for that kinda publicity.

The Pisgah Stage Race starts today...

and all I can think about is how much necessary beer I can fit in my Ergon BD-2 and still have room for necessary gear.

Yes, the Pisgah Mountain Bike Stage Race begins today in Brevard, NC, and as I've said before I will NOT be there. Things were just too hectic lately, what with my mom moving down here and all, for me to consider racing. That, and the fact that with my work situation being what it is I probably shouldn't go lofting around $500+ to the wind and also miss two (still) productive days at work. As I pointed out two days ago, if I just woulda stayed away from Dirt Rag for the last 17+ years and saved all that money in a piggy bank I coulda easily ponied up the dough, but hindsight is Sixty Minutes (or is it some other late night, prime time newshow?).

The weather is looking a bit Pisgah'esque... wet and chilly. The racers should be in for something "special". I noticed the single speed class went from two riders to four, so someone's racing to NOT be on the podium. I'll be rooting for my boy Captain Morgan to take out the nefarious Geoffrey Bergmark. Take a look at all the other riders signed up for the sufferfest here.

So why am I wondering how much beer I can fit in my BeerD-2? Well, I plan on going up to Pisgah with Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever and riding into the course backwards over the weekend to get in some riding and hopefully some full contact spectating. I promised him I'd drink a couple coldies on a rock in the woods, but I also promised a beer or two to a volunteer who will be bikepacking in (the PAS militant activist Mike Brown). We're still a bit up in the air over going Saturday or Sunday... Saturday offering better riding and Sunday offering better weather. We'll see. Wanna come? Drop me a line.

Hopefully on Monday I'll have some really blurry photos to post up from the experience... or not.

At least someone's looking out for me

Last night I was opening up the hub on my Industry Nine rear wheel for some needed maintenance. They've been subjected to a wee bit of wet weather and some dry, dusty conditions, and the time was right to tear into it. I'd been meaning to do it for some time now, but with all the stuff we've (The Pie and I) been doing to help settle my mom into her place things have been just a little too busy.

So anyways, I went about the tear down as normal... loosen the 1.5mm set screw, back the dust cover off by hand, and remove the drive side end cap using two 5mm allen keys. Eashy schmeasy. When I inspected the pawls and checked the drive ring I noticed that the grease was no longer looking sexy, so I was due for some inner hub cleansing. I was gonna do it anyways, but I was glad to see that I wasn't wasting my time pulling everything apart. While I was wiping everything down with a rag I noticed something inside the darkness of the hubshell... something strange. It looked like a shim or a label that came loose, something I've never seen before inside an I9 wheel.

I pulled it out.

What is this?

A secret message?

Perhaps I am Industry Nine's one millionth customer. Maybe someone is being held prisoner inside the walls of the I9 castle, and they are being forced to build wheels against their will, and this is their "message in a bottle". Then again it could be that someone very attractive has stuck a secret admirer letter inside my wheel... a very sneaky and mechanically wise blog stalker. Maybe this is my golden ticket, and I will get to visit the Willy Wonka Wheel Factory, oh yeah, I've been there. Well then, what could it be?

Ahhhhh, a love note from I9 grunt Drew Hager. Yes, at one time I did remove three pawls to save weight and friction, and yes I regretted it. It was a racer boy move, and I learned my lesson. Thanks for the reminder Drew. You see folks, having people like Drew in my corner to keep me safe from making stupid mistakes is one of the many advantages of being an sponsored unprofessional cyclist. Maybe some day if you work real hard you could be just like me... some day.

Yeah, that was me

I was so anxious to get to the staged interview with Mike Piazz... I mean Karen Brooks (but according to my comments definitely not the REAL Karen Brooks) that I skipped over another timely topic I wanted to cover. Over the weekend Enel sent me a link to a youtube video of the SSWC09 that was also posted on the SSWC09 website. He told me to watch it closely around the 1:00 minute mark. I did, and there I was.

Before yesterday ended many more people brought this to my attention including Mandy, Shanna, and of course, Pete-unh. Of course Pete-unh took great pleasure in devoting almost half a post (the slightly intelligible half) to the video which portrays me in one of my weakest cycling moments ever, but obviously he takes great pleasure in the fact that in my weakest moment he was able to capitalize on my unfortunate situation and finish ahead of me for the first (and last) time. He also scooped me on the acknowledging of the presence of the video, but that will not be considered beating me in any fashion as blog performance counts for nothing. FYI: My SSWC09 race report is here for anybody that didn't catch it the first time around.

What I think is interesting is that this video captures the only time I ever just up and sat down in the middle of a race that was less than 24 hours long. Of course I'm not including the 2008 Cohutta 100 I did on a fixed gear the week after my dad died where I sat down and enjoyed a cold 16oz Icehouse with a gracious anonymous host in the middle of the woods. That was an anomaly, a cathartic experience wrapped up in the guise of a race that I will never forget, but I hardly sat down due to physical weakness. I needed an emotional release, the kind that comes in an aluminum can, and it was the right thing to do at the time, and it will always be the right thing to do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Yes, I sat down in the middle of a short 25 mile race. Why? Well, I had wasted myself physically and mentally over the previous three days. My Durango rampage made Sherman's March to the Sea seem quite tame in comparison. I applied my "Scorched Dick" policy at will, and on Saturday morning it all caught up to me in spades. I found myself with one swallow of water left with almost half the course to go, so I decided I would sit down and savor the moment. I found a nice open spot with an extensive view of the course, and I took a break. Not so much a break from the race, but a break from a life being lived just a bit too fast. And lucky me it was captured on film for the world to see. Such is my life.

Stay tuned. Maybe tomorrow I'll have long term foster chihuahua Wally interview me as Bicycling Deputy Test Director Mike Cushionbury.

MC: So Dick, do you think that riding around on all those pink parts might suggest that you live an alternative lifestyle? If so, what are you doing Friday night?

Sometimes you just need to do things yourself

Back at the Shenandoah 100 I ran in to an old FBB (friend before the blog), Adam Blumenthal. He had something odd scribbled on his arm in Sharpie...

TD
KB

When I asked him about the coded message he let me know that he was traveling with Dirt Rag editor Karen Brooks (KB). She was interested in doing an interview (according to Adam) with me (TD) and the scribblings on his arms were a reminder to let me know about said interview if he saw me over the course of the weekend. I sat with Karen for awhile, but the festive mood at the Shenandoah is no place for taking care of business, and I never bothered to ask Karen if she was really interested in an interview or if Adam was just suffering from an imbalance which was keeping him from being in touch with reality.

So a few weeks later I bumped into Karen at the SSXWC09, but it was raining, so I didn't bother to say more than "Hello"as our two ships passed in the night. She shoulda hooked onto the Dicky party train, as she missed out on the Derailed Bar dance club experience, but I'm sure she had fun at the SSWC09 poetry reading or wherever she ended up.

When I returned from SSWC09 my PR guy (Mike Piazza) wanted to know if I tracked down Karen to knock out the interview.

"No, it was raining, and it just didn't seem like the time... plus I never confirmed with her whether or not she really wanted to do it in the first place," I sheepishly said.

"Nonsense boy," Mike gruffly replied. "You have to force yourself on these media types. Weird bunch they are, what with their cults, rampant drug use, and strange sexual preferences. You gotta take the initiative."

"I know, I just didn't want to bother her...."

"Bother her?!? This is a shot at the big time. I mean Dirt Rag is huge... seriously, it's like four times bigger than I am, you moron."

"Well, what do you want me to do now?" I asked.

"Email her and see if she'll do it over the interweb or maybe even on the phone. You gotta try something," Mike Piazza said in his angry voice.

So I emailed her, and then I waited, and then I waited some more. I think I emailed her after Interbike, but I mighta emailed her sometime during Interbike. Either way, I'm sure she got the email by now, and I'm pretty sure her e-silence can be taken as a solid "no".

"Sorry Mike, I emailed Karen Brooks, and I never heard back from her," I said in my big boy voice.

"So that's how she wants to do this huh? We really needed this interview. You haven't been in a magazine in months. Tell you what... I've got an idea. We're gonna do this without her. Hell, we got a bigger readership than that glorified zine anyways," Mike Piazza said.

So here's the Dirt Rag interview with Mike Piazza standing in as Karen Brooks, and well, me just being me.

KB: So Dick, can I call you Dick? As I understand it you've been reading Dirt Rag since the early 90's when you were buying it at Bike Nashbar in Youngstown, Oh. You've had a subscription for somewhere close to fifteen years, so by my close estimates you've spent way more than $500 on our magazine. If you had to do it over again would you still spend more than half a grand on Dirt Rag?

TD: Half a grand? Shit... and please don't call me Dick.

KB: Okay Dick. You've been reading Dirt Rag for almost as long as it's been around, and in that time you were mentioned in our magazine only once. Sure we got some of your information wrong, but wouldn't you credit most of your success to the slightest of mention that you got in that article?

Karen Brooks and La Ruta article author Manuel Maqueda standing in front of a novelty sized version of the Dirt Rag issue Rich Dillen was mentioned in.

TD: I think I was doing fine before the article, but my boss wanted to know if I was quitting my job when he read that I was an "ex-bike messenger".

KB: I'd say I'm sorry for that, but I'm not. You've had some previous history with some of our former Dirt Rag staff and a possible writing opportunity. Can you tell us about that?

TD: Back when I came back from La Ruta in 2004 I wrote a lengthy post on MTBR about the experience. A bunch of people told me to submit it to Dirt Rag, and so I did. I got a reply back from Michael Browne (then editor at Dirt Rag) that my piece would need a lot of work. My grammar was way worse than it is now (ed: can't imagine it actually being worse), and I had issues with verb tense and all sorts of other problems. He said it needed a lot of work.

KB: So you reworked it?

TD: Yeah, I spent hours on it and submitted it as a 4,500 word article. Micheal said that was too long, so I cut it down to 3,000 words, and then Micheal said that was still too long. By the time it was said and done I couldn't get it any shorter, and Micheal felt like the timeliness of the article had passed. Dirt Rag had never had an article that long before, and Micheal said page space was at a premium. He was pretty cool about it all, and he ended up sending me a Dirt Rag jacket for all my efforts.

KB: How did that make you feel?

TD: Slightly warmer???

KB: Awhile later Dirt Rag published a way longer article from Kent Peterson (I would link to it, but there is no online version available as it would eat up all of Dirt Rag's bandwidth) titled "The Way of the Mountain Turtle", just an excerpt from a way longer story detailing his finishing the Continental Divide Race on a single speed. How did that make you feel?

TD: Errrrr.... ummm....

KB: Burn. Anyways, your feelings about our beer reviews and fictional pieces have slipped out into the public forum on multiple occasions. You said something like "If I wanted beer reviews I'd go down to the Common Market and see what the pretentious hipsters are drinking. "How's that Drunken Giraffe Ale? Do you find the Pregnant Nun IPA a bit too hoppy? Is the Unemployed Messenger Stout as bitter as they say?"" You've also mentioned that if you wanted fiction you'd go to the library and get a book that has a plot, character develpoment, twists and turns, and lasts longer than one good shit. Any comment?

TD: Well, I've just seen what a great job XXCMag has been doing with real stories and real peopl...

KB: Never heard of it. Next question. You're the first rider sponsored by MOOTS since Ruthie Matthes. She won the World Cross-Country Mountain Bike Championship in 1991, and raced at the top level on the professional cross country circuit for years. You, on the other hand, have won one non-UCI (so basically unofficial) World Championship and have been racing at a very mediocre level for many years. Why did MOOTS even bother with you?

TD: Touche'.

KB: That's neither an answer or a suitable comeback. Could you answer the question?

TD: No habla Ingles.

KB: Don't you think doing this interview without the cooperation of the real Karen Brooks may be violating some kinda law regarding the impersonation an editor?

TD: My attorney (Mike Piazza) has counseled me to not answer any such question.

KB: Nice. Since you're not being very interesting do you have anything you'd like to add before I end this interview?

TD: Can I plug my 2010 Bad Idea Racing jerseys I'll be selling? Would it be possible to tell everybody to email MOOTS (info@moots.com) and let them know how much they love my work? Can I write an article for Dirt Rag sometime?

KB: No, no, and no thanks.

TD: No habla Ingles. I'll get started on the article tomorrow.