Details? Nah, just more diversions

More Breck Epic?

Why not.

Yes, I did start the week with a 33X23 gear ratio. Yes, it did suck. I thought it would be nice to climb on the bike as opposed to next to it, but it was so s-l-o-w I could barely stand it. The gear was swapped to a more appropriate 33X20 after the first day, and it worked out way better for me even though it would be another few days till I felt good enough to turn it over consistently.

The Stan's Raven? It lasted 2.3 days at the Breck Epic. I saw Peter ahead of me on a downhill and decided to press my luck to pass him. As I slammed my way down a rocky descent I could feel things getting mushy in the rear. Shortly after that my chain flew off and I flew by Peter in a cacophonous ruckus of chain slap and rim slammage. At the bottom both Peter and I came into the aid station on a flat rear tire. Here's where I got loopy.

I flipped my bike upside down near the food area of the aid station. The volunteers told me there were mechanics about 20 feet further down, but I told them I was OK. Since it was sort of a slow leak I took the Big Air out of my drop bag and decided to see if the Stan's fluid would clog the hole. I had trouble finding the leak since it was at the rim near the valve stem (which confused me at first), but eventually I found the tear in the sidewall right where it met the rim. I picked up the whole bike and tried to shake it to get the Stan's to settle in at the hole, but I couldn't get it to seal. I was asked by the volunteers if I needed help more times than I can remember, and I did a fine job making matters worse stumbling around trying to decide if I should boot the rear tire or what ever else I might do. Finally I went down to the mechanics with just the wheel, got a new tire, struggled without a tire lever, found one, struggled some more, and finally the mechanic just took my shit from my fumbling hands and inflated my now tubed Kenda Small Block to 40 PSI. I pissed away an inordinate amount of time at with the tire swap since the whole concept of "mechanical support" threw me for a loop. Had I just been out in the middle of nowhere I woulda found the hole, booted the tire, and tossed in a tube in short order, but with the option of assistance I floundered and pissed away twice as much time as necessary.

I officially met Sonya Looney, and she did not punch me for making certain comments about her need for an Ergon green bikini. Between her and Jennifer Tilley I found myself being schooled on the dance floor Friday night, and my knees are now wrecked as a consequence. Just as in Durango at the SSWC09 I danced so hard I blew out my Teva's which is now a sure indicator of having too good of a time.

That's all for now. I over slept on the couch last night since my still compromised lungs had me coughing and wheezing all night.

all photos taken by Yuki Saito

Breck Epic 2010: The Weakest Week

My Breck Epic story actually starts back in February of this year. I was in for my annual physical, and my doctor was checking on my previously low iron levels and such. I told her about my plans for the year, and how important it was to me that I get back on the right track with my blood work before the "season" started. When I mentioned returning to Breckenridge I told her about last year's sleepless nights gasping for air, and she let me know that on her most recent ski trip to Breck she took Diamox to help with the problems of acclimatization. I was reluctant to take a pill, but I certainly didn't want to lose sleep every night at the Breck Epic, so I took the prescription.

The first stage should have been a sharp indicator that something was wrong. I felt like shit... a bigger shit than I felt like the year before. The next two days were a repeat of the same. I had trouble breathing, numb hands, and I had to pee constantly. Diamox is a diuretic, and I figured since I enjoy other diuretics on a daily basis (coffee and beer) I'd be fine. Apparently I shoulda backed off on my usual beverages and bulked up on water intake but whatever.

I stopped taking the pills at the end of the third day. I would love to be more descriptive about the first three stages, but honestly they're kinda blurred together. I remember pushing my bike in the mist over two passes on day three and the following descents, one of which being my main reason for returning to Breck.

By day four I was starting to feel better. More than 24 hours had passed since my last pill, and my breathing had become slightly better. From the start of the stage I was able to keep the two riders ahead of me in the GC (Jeff Wu and Peter) in sight just a bit longer than the day before. Comparing myself to the rest of the field was pointless since the single speed class was stacked with talent. Evan Plews, Dejay Birtch, Montana Miller, Jake Kirkpatrick, Michael Melley, Dan Durland, and let's not forget Trans-Sylvania's second place SS'er Doug Jenne. Shit, I shoulda entered the 40+ class.

By the time we got to the fifth stage I was starting to feel like my old self again. The day started out with a punchy climb up a ski hill, and I was able to stay on the bike and work my way into a part of the overall field that felt a bit more like where I was last year. The push to the top of Wheeler and the following killer descent played well with the way I was riding, and I actually had Doug in my sights until we hit the six mile coast down the bike path (a weak point for this sub 140lb rider). I finished the day in time to actually see some of the top single speeders still hanging out at the finish line which was something new for me this week.

The last day was almost a repeat of last year's stage six course. I had a death grip on DFL in the single speed class, but I still went all out in an effort to finish out the week feeling slightly better about myself. I was able to have a decent enough day, the kinda day that has me slightly less worried about the Shenandoah 100 this weekend than I was at the outset of the week.

I realize that's a pretty weak recap of a pretty weak week. I'll get into some nitty gritties over the next couple of days sorting out some of the details once I can get them straight in my head. One thing I can say for sure is that the 2010 Breck Epic was a character builder for me. There were definitely some moments early on where I found myself wondering if I was gonna make it through the week.

photo cred: Yuki Saito

Things to do in Denver

I am in the lobby of The Double Tree using their machine with a sticky space bar. Breck Epic posts may be spotty at best in the coming week as I get ready for the Shenandoah Mountain 100 this weekend. Maybe I will be building a Tallboy... maybe not. We shall see.

The Breck Epic was monster hard for me this year, and it managed to hand me my first ever DFL in the single speed class. Many things were learned that will probably be forgotten, but at least by the end of the race I felt human again.

Hopefully I will be able to do the race justice with some proper posts, but then again the first three days are just hazy muddled memories of suffering with all sorts of issues. Altitude, poor decisions, lack of fitness... they all conspired against me and dealt out a major beat down that had me shelled on a daily basis.

Hopefully tomorrow I can wake up early and get started with the whole story.

Jeff Schalk will shit his pants today

I am very much closer to having a geared bike together for the Shenandoah 100. Yesterday was a very big day.

This key piece of equipment showed up:

My first ever gear compatible Industry Nine REAR wheel. Pink, hub, pink spokes, and nasty gNar approved Stan's Flow rim with bolt-thru capability. The bicycle is an excessive exercise in lateral stiffness. The DT RWS Thru Bolt is gonna be killer in that respect.

Something else showed up yesterday. I got a box of the all new, top secret, you ain't seen nothing like this Backcountry Research Awesome Strap "Grappler". I'm not showing you pictures since I don't think it's approved for public consumption as of yet, but I'll be rocking one at the Breck Epic all week testing it out. I wondered how they were going to come up with something better when I was told there were improvements coming down the pike. This thing looks pretty bitching, but we'll see how it holds up to a few hundred miles in the high country, rock infested trails of Breckenridge.

Oh yeah, another other something else showed up...

My ever loving, gob stopping, Freakazoids report to the dance floor Tallboy is here!!!!!!

Just look at that shit. Five and six hundredths (three fiftieths for Thad) pounds for a full squish frame. I wish I woulda taken out the bottle bolts, removed the seatpost collar, and pulled the O-ring off the shock before I weighed it... maybe it woulda broke the 5lb barrier by a hundredth or so.

I went ahead and started the build process, even though I had very little I could actually do.

Pressing in a Cane Creek headset with the all the right tools makes for an easy, non cup/bearing/frame damaging affair. The tidy little adapters that go right on my headset press fit directly into the cups in the most precise manner to save them from any half-assed ham fistedness.

Yes, my stem is mounted to a piece of scrap steer tube from an old fork for display purposes. Whatever.

The saddle, post, and cage all done... not really that much left to do. It really is something to see. I am slowly learning to embrace the crabon. My road bike, now my full squish (which still hasn't seen its first squish), and maybe someday my main steed? We'll see about that. I've got a major woody for this stuff right now. I love steel, I adore ti, and over this last year I've learned to love aluminum, but there's just something evil and alluring about crabon. Like a $1,000 hooker with a sign that says "50% off and free cocaine for first time customers"... it's so dangerous and appealing at the same time. Almost too good to be true.

Now I'm really in the hands of the folks at SRAM. It's probably to late to do the "Open Letter to SRAM" thing now. Maybe I should contact Paul, who I met in Durango on the shuttle ride down the Colorado Trail at the SSWC09. Sure he's a warranty guy at SRAM (or at least he was), but I'm sure he knows somebody or at least knows somebody who knows somebody. This bike will be 2X10 or nothing, and since I can't afford XX right now it is currently nothing. I beg you powers that be at SRAM, get thine tidbits to the distributors this instant. Don't force me to strip the parts off my Rival equipped road bike just to do the Shenandoah 100.

A coupla things before I go to Colorado.

The Double Dare is on again for 2010. Two years ago I partnered up with Captain Morgan and we almost had an impressive second place on fixed gears, but missed the cut-off on day one by 10 minutes so we went home the biggest losers. I am interested in going back to the Double Dare, but I have no partner as of yet. Assuming I have some SRAM 2X10 shifty bits at that point I would like to do it on a geared machine with a partner who is similarly equipped. Here's what I am looking for.

Bike? Gears and at least front squish would be nice.

Fitness level? Strong enough to pull two full days in the woods, but you don't have to be Koerber strong to keep up. Being Koerber attractive would be a plus.

Sex? I like it, hopefully you like it too. We won't be having any at the Double Dare, but I might talk about it while we're in the woods. You should know that. Boobs are always a topic of discussion.

Beer? You should know there may be a beer challenge at the Double Dare. Captain Morgan had never shot gunned a beer before the Double Dare. How did he get through college without shotgunning a beer? Be prepared.

Goals? Either we stay out and go for it Tin Cup style or bail early and drink beer. I'm more of a Tin Cup kinda guy.




Contact me at teamdicky at hotmail dot com with serious offers.

That's it. I'm out for a week. Maybe I borrow Peter's computer to update while I make great bike race... maybe not. I like taking a break from the internet, so we shall see.

If anybody knows anyone with any power at SRAM (like parting the seas, hailing swarms of locusts, or just getting ungettable parts) please have them contact me ASAP.

Seriously.

Solace

Yesterday started as a suckfest. Things were so slow at work I called it a day at 3:00PM. I headed home and decided to make the most of my new found free time. Once I got home I went to start typing on my next Dirt Rag article since I was pretty sure I was up against a September 7th deadline and a very tight schedule what with all the making great bike race and glamorous travel, but after checking my email I saw the deadline is actually listed as 10.7.

10 = October

Deadline fail.

Primary and secondary meh.

So I went for a walk with The Pie when she got off work, but I made sure to keep the house in sight just in case the UPS man showed up with...

The Tallboy

I would hear a loud accelerating truck now and then that would get my heart racing, but the brown beast never came during our walk. I got back home and hopped in the shower. At least I'd be able to make it over to the local XC race to see the SRAM rep so I could threaten him with very unmanly hugs unless he was willing to part with some very much needed 2X10 tidbits. As The Pie was leaving for yoga the UPS man backed into my neighbors driveway, turned around, and disappeared.

Delivery fail.

Tertiary meh.

I killed time doing something next to nothing not wanting to get to the race soooo early that there would be nothing to do or see. I left the house at 5:30, got there at 5:50, and as I was walking towards the start/finish line I saw what appeared to be the giant SRAM van LEAVING the parking lot. I strolled over to Donald Butler and the boys from Bike Source to find out if they knew what was up with the SRAM guy. One of them told me that the SRAM guy was there earlier so shop oriented folk could ride around on the new XO/X9 stuff, but he packed up his shit and left (obviously) when the common folk arrived.

My whole reason for being at the race was based on this line in an email that went out to all the racery folks in Charlotte:

SRAM @ Renni: Our friends from SRAM will have the new 2 x 10 bikes on display.

SRAM douche fail.

Quaternary douchey meh.

I stuck around to watch my friends race and to proove to myself that my new point and shoot is no better than my old point and shoot when it comes to taking action shots.

One decent shot of Chris Muddiman, but I hear this guy never takes a bad photo.

Camera fail.

Quinary meh.

I did see Lopes' molester van in the parking lot on my way home.

I guess some local Charlottean bought it from Lopes earlier this year, but funny enough it still smells like Jovan Musk and spray tan.

I best watch what I'm doing. I don't wanna be wearing one of these at any time in the near future:

So anyways, I went home reflecting on my multi-level failure day and found solace in a cold beer. I can always count on you beer...

but wait, what's this?

Sediment of some sort? Must be all that added sugar settling to the bottom or is that just my dashed dreams stuck to the inside of a beer bottle.

Senary beer meh?

I think not. I will never let a little ambiguous sediment separate me from beer.

Life can't be that bad. I'm going leaving town in two days for the Breck Epic.

I'M GOING TO COLORADO...

AND THEN I'M GETTING SOME SALAD!

More partial nudity (not the good partials though)

Where to begin...

Today marks day number 14 of The Tallboy Watch 2010.

In theory, a loosely constructed theory that was derived by using advanced algorithms, astrology, UPS shipping schedules, and chicken bone readings, my Tallboy very well could be on my porch today. Hopefully The Pie will be in her office at the time the UPS man comes in order to avoid a "ring and run" scenario. If it is here I will have a hard choice to make today after work.

I will either sprint home (after stopping at Target to stock up on soy creamer and rawhides for the guide dog puppy as requested by my better half) and do what I can to start the build process like press in my new headset and shove my seatpost into the seatpost hole, or I will ride out to the summer series race in Charlotte to look at the SRAM 2X10 goodies the local rep is bringing to show off. I am planning on asking him when EXACTLY I should be expecting my tidbits, and if perhaps he could just give me some since I am very famous on the internet. We'll see.

Another major component may be here as well, but then again I might just get two yellow notes from the man in the brown shorts as opposed to one.

Yesterday I posted up not one, not two, but three video stage previews from the Crank the Shield stage race. I will be watching them once a week for training purposes during the lead up to the race as it will be much easier than actual training.

Today let me entertain you with this dandy preview of one of the more glorious stages of the Breck Epic filmed by the illustrious Andrew Carney.

Breck Epic Mt. Guyot Loop from AMC on Vimeo.

If you skipped the video, so be it, but I must say that the video shows just about every reason I'm going back to the Breck Epic for another serving of high altitude suffering. Just about every reason... you will not see Peter and I singing in the shower in this video, but perhaps Mr Parssons will bring his Cyclingdirt video reporting equipment into the bathing facilities next week so you can vicariously share in that fun as well.

Should it hurt when I pee?

I've had a saddle sore that won't go away since I finished the Trans Sylvania Epic back in early June. This is not one of those ideal saddle sores, the ones that resemble a candy corn and beg to be popped with a sharp pin like a balloon attached to an unsuspecting happy child in need of a life lesson.

No, this sore is the other variety. It's not even located on my taint. It's more or less in the mid-quadrant of my left sub-taint, the area that taint balls, taint asshole, and taint thigh, and instead of being the ideal candy corn variety it's more like a Mike and Ike placed 2mm below my outer epidermal layer.

Sunday night I did everything the proverbial "they" tell you not to do. I poked it, I squoze it, I did everything short of taking a hammer and a Dremel to it, but yet my efforts were never rewarded. Monday I woke up with a slightly bruised mid-quadrant of my left sub-taint. Last night I soaked in the tub while listening to Rob Zombie, and today it looks a lot better. Speaking of which, I got a new camera....

Sorry, I didn't take a photo of the mid-quadrant of my left sub-taint. I know you were wanting a better mental picture that wasn't based on candy comparisons, but I couldn't get the lighting perfect. How about a picture of my stage racing knee scars instead?

Hopefully I can stay off my knee at the Breck Epic. I don't wanna go three wounds for three stage races, and I'm definitely not in the mood to see this thing open again.

Why a new camera? Well you may remember a coupla weeks ago I received an anonymous cash donation of $66 in the mail. I went out looking for something that would help me make great bike race in Breckenridge next week, but I was coming up empty handed. I wanted a new puffy coat to stay warm at night, but there were no close-outs (clothes-outs for Thad) in my size. I thought about a new sleeping bag, but the gap between $66 and something that woulda been better than what I already have was quite large. Then I gave this random purchase some thought. I'm gonna be out of town for the next month plus, so I probably won't have as much time in front of a computer with the flying and racing and building the Tallboy and working and whatnot. Since the blog will suffer some loss of quality with all the fun I'll be having I decided if I can't be wordy I might as well be visually enhanced.

The best camera the Dillen family owned was a 5.1 Megapixel Sony Cyber-Shot with 3X zoom that I found in the street years ago. It honestly weighs over 1/2 a pound and is quite cumbersome in a jersey pocket, so I never carry it with me. The new camera weighs less than 1/4 lb, is a 12.2 Megapixel with 4 X zoom, and fits nicely in my pocket, so the hope here is that I carry it with me to some high places and take some photos to supplement my future lack of wordiness.

Yes, I am going to get really lazy very soon. How lazy? I'm hoping that I can come back from Breckenridge, leave the Meatplow in the case, build the Tallboy, race it at the Shenandoah 100 and the Pisgah Bad Ass, and then fly to Canada for the Crank the Shield stage race with my already in the case since Breck Epic dirt covered Meatplow. That's some thinking going into some laziness there.

Speaking of Crank the Shield there are three course preview videos over on cyclingdirt.org. I watched them over the weekend and got slightly excited over the prospect of seeing new (to me) trails very soon. Looks like a good mix of doubletrack, singletrack, and good times in a very beautiful area of Canadia that I've never seen before.

As a proper Stanley man would say "I'm feeling some major stokage."

STAGE 1

Visit beta.cyclingdirt.org for more Videos

STAGE 2

Visit beta.cyclingdirt.org for more Videos

STAGE 3

Visit beta.cyclingdirt.org for more Videos

News that is news to you but not news to me

The Meatplow is in the travel case and ready to go. This week will be hectic'esque, so I had to make hay while the sun was shining. Before I stuck it in the overpriced plastic box I made a few changes. I threw on the useless in Charlotte 23 tooth cog and a secret weapon of global implications.

The Stan's Raven 2.2

I've been staring at this tire off and on since I won it at the Trans-Sylvania Epic back in early June. It is over 100 grams lighter than my standard rear tire, the Crossmark. Why would I give a shit about weight when the odds of me being on the podium in Breckenridge are somewhere around 15 to 1? I'm considering this an attempt to reduce my suffering as much as possible on the climbs. When I want(ed) to do well in a race I always played it safe with a heavier tire since a flat could be the difference between winning and losing, but this time around a flat would probably be a welcome break from cycling high in the Colorado mountains with a beautiful view.

I've got my own logic going here for me. I would explain it further, but I'd rather move on to something else.

19.62lbs with wet foam grips from the pre-photo bike wash. Probably 17.48 with dry grips (scientific guess).

It is now officially day twelve of The Tallboy Watch 2010.

Here's the most recent good news. I was billed for my Santa Cruz logo emblazoned QR seat post collar in size extra-Dicky on August 5th and it showed up on August 11th.


As of August 12th a much larger charge has been billed to my account:

The charge is quite large and would indicate that my frame is on the way or perhaps they are shipping me another 100 or so Santa Cruz logo emblazoned QR seat post collars in size extra-Dicky. If the shipping schedules are similar by any means I might have photos of my frame on the blog before the end of the week. If the schedules are not then there might be photos of me crying in my coffee this Friday.

One element of bad news is that I hardly have any parts to mount to the frame whence it arrives. You've already seen the photographic evidence proving thusly. The only thing I can really do this week is mount up this awesome piece of hardware that Admiral Ackbar, Sponsor Liaison and Equipment Acquisitions Director, acquired late last week.

What you are looking at is a Cane Creek 1.5" 110 XX lower cup mated to a 1 1/8" Zero Stack 110 upper cup. If you've got a bike, especially a modern type cycling device with quirky headset needs, then Cane Creek has the headset for you. Don't know which headset you need and your LBS doesn't have a nifty Gary Gauge to help you figure it out? Cane Creek has their handy dandy online headset fit finder to help you fulfill your headset desires.

My 110 tapered-happy headset is very sexy and something I can actually mount up as soon as the frame shows up. Admiral Ackbar's absolute favorite Cane Creek product? Why of course...

So when I get back from Breckenridge on the 28th the plan is to build the Tallboy over the next five days, test ride it in the backyard, and take it to the Shenadoah 100 to get it's virgin ride knocked out in true Santa Cruz Hell Ride style. That is assuming my DT RWS thru bolt compatible Industry Nine rear wheel shows up and George "El Diablo" Wissell at Bike29 can procure the currently unobtainable bits of 2X10 SRAM technology that may or may not be at the distributors in time.

My fate lies in this man's hands.

Perhaps that's why I've been having trouble sleeping at night.

This is, like war man

Last week I received multiple emails from Breck Epic promoter Mike McCormack. The intention of these emails were of the housekeeping variety, trying to clean up all the dirty vagueness as we come into the final weeks before the big race. Included in those emails were course routes complete with elevation profiles... at least he said that was something that was attached to those emails. I myself would not know what the attachments were for certain since I didn't bother to open those said attachments. I'm sure, without even looking, there are lots of painful climbs to dizzy heights that would make even the sturdiest mountain goat feel slight pangs of acrophobia.

"Fuck Mike, this is pretty high up."

I'll mount up my 32X23 and follow the course markings. That's my game plan... well that and to stay the fuck out of Evan Plews' way.

I don't understand this:

I recently got some traffic from a link on The TV Realist site (a celebrefi site?)... a link to my Jeff Schalk is the Heat Miser post. Not much to say about that other than the fact that I find it extremely baffling. Is Jeff Schalk not only the Heat Miser but also a big time internet "celebrefi"?

By now everybody has heard of Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who dramatically quit his job. While I appreciate the fact that he grabbed not one but two beers on his way to the emergency exit of the plane I so wish he woulda quoted the infamous Grig Martin when he made his announcement over the intercom:

I'M GETTING SOME SALAD!

That would have be suh-weet. Speaking of Grig he finally got his eBay centrifuge in the mail,and he decided to mount it under the sink since the folks from USADA never found the small growing room he installed there two years ago.

For those of you that were disappointed yesterday because I didn't bother to keep you up to date...

We are officially now at day nine of The Tallboy Watch 2010.

There was nothing new to mention yesterday, but today I've got big news. I received my first major shipment from Santa Cruz Bicycles VIA the brown truck yesterday afternoon.

Mike Piazza says "Look what Brown has done for me... umm yeah... whatever."

My Santa Cruz logo emblazoned QR seat post collar in size extra-Dicky has gloriously arrived allowing me to finally start the assembly of my new bike.

It's not much to look at, but I stood over the pile of parts and made motorcycle noises for half an hour last night. Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

And to bring things back to a Breck Epic focused focus, Peter announced on his blog yesterday that his Bike Rumor Media Cup entry was now officially official.

photo credit: Me, but you wouldn't know that unless I told you since Peter neglected to give me proper credit when given the chance

He also took the time to bitch about the fact that the name of his company of no significance was misspelled in the Trans-Sylvania Epic write-up I did for Dirt Rag in the last issue.

"unlike our psycle-long friend RICH (dick) DILLEN and perennial DIRT RAG, Tyler managed to KEEP the pselling of PSYCLE correct…yes I never thanked you Dicky for fucking up the spelling in my one and ONLY mention in Dirt Rag in like years…super."

Let it be known that I never included the name of his company in my original article as I would never bother to plug my worst sponsor in such a worthy publication. That tidbit of incorrectly spelled information was added at the editorial level much to my chagrin giving Peter more attention, albeit slightly misdirected, than he ever deserved.

"Misfit Cycles??? Fire ze missiles!"

I wanted to be with you alone...

and talk about the weather.



LATE EDIT: Why did I bother writing this morning when I coulda spent my time watching literal music videos on Youtube?

It's gonna be cold in Breckenridge next week. How cold?

That seems chilly to me. Highs in the mid to low 60° range... how many jerseys do I have with sleeves still attached to them in my bike room? I'm not sure that I have six sleeved jerseys for six days of riding. Maybe Peter will let me ride in his back pocket if I get cold... assuming I don't freeze to death while I wait for him to catch up. Maybe there will be a warming trend soon, and I won't have to worry about my lack of sleeves or the inside dimensions of Peter's jersey pockets.

I tried to buy one of Brandon Dwight's (fellow Bike Rumor Media Cup contestant) DOPERS SUCK jerseys from the Twin Six site a few nights ago, but I couldn't figure out my log in for my celebrity discount, and I didn't want to bother Brent to tell him I can't figure out the internet.

Maybe they need to come out with a DICKY SUCKS AT THE INTERNETS jersey.

At least it looks like it won't be sooo cold in Canadia in a month or so for Crank the Shield. BTW: If you are thinking about entering CTS you might wanna get off your ass and do so. Registration closes at the end of this month, and there's less than 50 spots left right now. Come and see me beat up the hometown hero Peter Keiller and once and for all shame him off his bicycle forever.

Yes, I'm talking about the weather. The very topic of conversation that makes my skin crawl on a daily basis.

"Is it hot outside?"

"No dipshit, I'm cold blooded so I am actually hot on the inside."

Whatever. I'm short on topics today, so you get to read about the weather in all the exotic locations I'll be traveling to over the next month and my lack of appropriate garments for said travels. Speaking of which, I'm headed out to Breckenridge without a real winter coat again. Last time we had freezing temps and my shitty almost puffy coat from Mountain Hardwear (that was returned to REI for reasons of said shittiness) was not up to the task of keeping me warm. This time I'm thinking about just wearing my Santa Cruz hoodie and getting some girl's jeans since it seems that's all a hipster like me would need to wear to stay warm.

Bill Nye says my watch is too big for my head.

photo cred: Drew Hager

I disagree.

Jeff Schalk is the Heat Miser

It's now approaching mid-August, and it's still hot as hell all day at work. While I don't usually ride commando on a regular basis this summer has been a commando 24-7 affair.



I wish there was a better option. I'm getting a bit chafed on my backside due to the abrasive and semi-moist cotton shorts being incompatible with my ass skin, but it's simply too hot on a daily basis for any other option. If only there was a solution to my problem.

There is?

What is it?

The Pedal Pantie. Short enough to be cool, made with a quick dry fabric, and cushioned? Very nice. Looks like the boys might be a bit cramped, but more people in the uptown of Charlotte would get to see my tramp stamp, so I'd have to say this is a winner by a slimming margin. It even comes in plenty of colors, and since I won't be wearing anything over these at work I want to have some variety so people don't think I'm wearing the same womens underwear everyday. Maybe one of my sponsors could butch it up a little for me so I don't feel so feminine when I wear them.

We are officially now at day seven of The Tallboy Watch 2010.

I thought about having a pool where people could guess the delivery date of my new Tallboy, but I couldn't think of a good prize for the winner. I considered parting with my pumpkin Cane Creek 110, but I realized that I need it for my collection of 110's I keep on my mantle. I checked my credit card, and as of yet there is still no large and in charge showing up on my balance. The last I knew the folks at Santa Cruz had just taken delivery of a large amount of bike stuff in big crates, but who knows if my frame is in one (or more) of those crates. Even if it is in one (or more) of those crates it still has to be assembled, QC'ed, packed, and tea bagged before it can go out the door. All that assuming that the long list of customers ahead of me get theirs in due order as well. I'm not gonna bother "my people" with questions concerning expected arrival dates as the anticipation is all part of the new bike thrill. That, and I'm probably on Mike Ferrentino's last nerve (it's the only one he's ever had) and Juli Furtado is considering taking out a restraining order on me.

Will it get here before the Shenandoah 100? If it does will I even have the parts on hand to put on it? Even if I get it together will I get a chance to dial it in before heading out for a hundred mile bike ride? Is Jeff Schalk sweating bullets right now?

Hmmmm.... on a google image search for Jeff Schalk I saw my 20mm Industry Nine Enduro hub on page nine and the Heat Miser on page eleven making me think the name of the game is now "Six Degrees of Separation from Jeff Schalk".