Thanks, Happy New Year, and all that

Well shit.

I need to look at the calendar more often. I had no idea that today would end up being the last post of the year. I never took the time to do a cathartic "Year in Review" post or a "I want to thank my sponsors" circle jerk. Can I do a Reader's Digest version? Does that term still hold water with the yutes?

I had a great year, in so much that I am still alive and kicking, albeit with a slight limp. A little win, a little lose, and another year without dropping out of an endurance race. For those of you keeping score that would be two years in a row without a DNF. I consider that a bigger accomplishment than any other thing I've done all year considering my complete implosion at ORAMM, my altitude squashed lung capacity at Breck Epic, and the pinch flat followed by a run down the side of a mountain at the Shenandoah 100.

Good times were had and another year with the happy peg moved up one position.

Sponsors.

They're great to have, especially the ones that don't suck. Twin Six really did their part to make 2010 happen. Last time I checked there was only one Dicky's Death March jersey (medium/sleeveless) left on the shelves. A big thanks to all that bought them up as well as the T6 DDM T-shirt of the month. Between those two items brought forth from the minds at Twin Six and wrought in cotton, lycra, and sweat, I as able to make much great bike race.

I also want to thank all of yinz that bought a jersey during the pre-sale, thus donating money to the DinDin family in Haiti in the process. And another heartfelt thanks to Twin Six for matching my 10% as well. They didn't have to, and they did it anyways.

Money is not all that is necessary to make great bike race. While there were other monetary supporters of my racing pursuits, they are modest folks who don't want any credit (plausible deniability?). I would take the time to write each and every sponsor in a tidy list with links to their respective websites, but that would only negate the time and effort I took to attach their logos to my sidebar. Besides that, I gush on them at every opportunity I get, so I'll just throw out a blanket "thank you" to each and every one of them. They've really kept me rolling, some of them for years now, and I don't know where I'd be without them. They make great parts and stuff , so buy two of everything they make.

I almost appreciate them enough to hug them, and being that I am very out of touch with my feelings, that's a pretty big deal.

And to Dirt Rag. I have to thank them for continuing to give me the opportunity to write for them. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be racking my brain every month or so trying to think up some mountain bike related topic out of the blue to write about. It's a pain in the ass, but it does push me, so I think that means it's supposed to make me a better person. I hope you appreciate it. Do yourself a favor and subscribe twice (one for home and one for the office to impress clients).

And finally, I have to thank The Pie for all her support. She puts up with me, proof reads my Dirt Rag articles, watches me piss money away on bike stuff, tolerates my winter depression, holds down the fort in my absence (and actually when I'm here as well), and takes pictures of me when I can't do them myself.

Like the other day when we were at Trader Joe's and I wanted to get all "Predator" on a stalk of Brussel sprouts.

Yes, thanks to all of you, and you, and you, and you. Five years down, five to go... and then it's time to start my competitive knitting career.

If you wanna share the love and get all warm and fuzzy, today is the day.

New Kicks for Dick

I think it all started with this moment in time.

Grig hadn't spent much time behind me at the Trans Sylvania Epic, but at this point right at the finish of the final day, I guess Grig wanted a closer look.

Grig wasn't actually falling over in the photo. He was trying to get a look at my ultra awesome SIDI Dragon SRS2 shoes that I had won in a contest earlier that year. His old clapped out, black SIDI's just weren't impressing the ladies anymore, and he was looking for something a little more appropriate for a fellow 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Champion.

Although Doug was wearing the same boring pair of black SIDI's apparently his mind was on something else.

I'm sure Grig dwelled on that moment all summer, and apparently he saved enough money from his paper route to pick up a pair of SIDI Dragon SRS2 shoes in the same Vernice blue and white colorway that I selected.

If you read that facethread closely you will see that upon learning of Grig's new acquisition I informed him that I would be selling my pair of SIDI Dragon SRS2 shoes in the same Vernice blue and white colorway. There is only enough room in these shoes for one 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Champion, both literally and figuratively.

So they went on eBay and sold for 34% of their original retail value, enough for me to buy something a little more practically priced and less Griggy.

What did I buy?

I was able to pick up a new pair of 2011 Mavic Razor shoes and still keep enough money in my pocket to buy a 12 pack of decent beer (after paying eBay and Paypal fees). This should not be a big surprise since I expressed my pleasure after finding out that Mavic had improved the design and launched the better version of this shoe at 2010 Interbike.

I picked up my first pair of Razors back in March of 2009. I felt they were about as good as they could be, but the toes were a little weak for hike-a-bike. That said, as much damage as they suffered they never failed over the course of a very long season+ of abuse. I did try to make my own toe guard out of old inner tubes, Shoe Goo, and Tool Dip, but every solution I came up with failed out in the field.

No worries now.

Old damaged shoe on the right and the new improved (by Mavic, not me) shoe on the left. Huzzah!

Other things that they made better without me asking?

I used to have issues with the tongue slipping sideways, and I added a zip tie to the shoe to stop it from happening. Now Mavic has the new Tongue Anti-Rotational Device already installed.

My old shoes lost a lug off the supple rubber soles during some nasty hike-a-bike in Colorado. I ended up installing the very metal (not butt metal) toe spikes to combat any further damage.

The new Razors come with the similar metal lugs (as the old ones) and instead of screws that just keep dirt outta the threads when you're lugless, the shoes now come with a secondary bolt-on lug that should provide some beef down there without having slippery metal lugs attached to your feet. Also included are shims for you Crank Brother pedal users who are constantly sawing your way through the soles of your shoes.

The back...

and the sides...

have been reinforced to reduce damage points. The loss of whiteness has been duly noted, and will be held against the designers. If I wanted black shoes I would buy them.

Other points of interest?

Mavic included some small set screws to keep dirt out of the unused cleat holes. I had to decided whether to Lock Tite them in, thus making future removal impossible, or if I should grease them, guaranteeing that they will work themselves loose and fall out during their first dirt experience.

They also changed the tongue. I liked the old one. The new one is different. I do not like things that replace things I like.

Although they do look good with my pajamas, I still think they are going to get my...

Seal of Semi-Approval.

I'm sorry, but what is with all the red accents? They had a perfectly pro looking shoe, what with all the white in the original version.

The replacement of white with even more black was already a problematic move in my opinion, but the addition of red accents was almost a deal breaker. I would have bought some other, more whiter shoe if I coulda found one that had all the same features, but alas no other cobbler has made a shoe of equal quality at a comparable price.

Even though Doug is thinking about getting a pair I see no reason why we all don't get some for ourselves (except for the fact that you will have the same shoes as Doug which was another motivating factor for Grig to ditch the black SIDI's in the first place).

Slow Recovery

My five continual days off started with a plan of sorts. Wednesday I mapped out a route for Thursday, a nice little route somewhere in the 45 to 60 mile neighborhood. Starting my virtual to reality journey at my house on googlemaps what do I spy?

That would be The Boy jumping out of his friend's car to wave at the googlecar cam. Weird. I sent him the link, he posted it here, and I wasted a lot of time surfing that site later (when I shoulda been riding).


Yes, as one might expect, the ride never happened. I woke up to blustery winds and a lack of resolve. It was a good thing, for once I was forced outside (in a car) to confront my agoraphobia I found that the roads were clogged with second to the last minute shoppers. On Friday I did get out for an hour on the mountain bike with Advocat, Chico, Scott T, and Johnny Flapjack... and that was all the saddle time I got in the whole time.

I had prepped my fixie cyclocross tire shod machine for a snow ride, but I couldn't be bothered with such silliness. Snowmen were made, snowballs thrown, and sleds slidden. I accomplished less in the last five days than I have in any five day period in the last two decades.

It's December.

Whatever.

My old friend and Ellsworth teammate John Moorhouse posted some very old photos on his facebook page.

24 Hours of Tahoe 2001 (I think). Breaking out the sleeveless jersey with arm warmers look long before I made it way cool junior.

Here I am up on the podium with none other than the first ever 24 World Champ Rishi Grewal. He wasn't terribly nice to me until the race was over at which point he shot me with champagne.

Meh.

My favorite photo?

That's me and my late father. Yes, he is on crutches. The day before the event he was helping us set up the Ellsworth trailer/tent/giant advertising juggernaut. He slid off the front of the trailer in an attempt to dismount gracefully and ended up shattering his heel. He spent the better part of the evening before the race in the Truckee ER while I ran out to the parking lot to prep my lights and gear. It was the last time he ever got to go to a race with me.

Today is his birthday. I really miss him.

Thanks for the memories John.

Wes Dickson says...

"Keep talking about the whole EBB vs Sliders thing, and I'll stab you through the heart with this fucking pencil."

At the risk of being skewered by a number 2 Ticonderoga wielded by the King of Pisgah I'll say just a bit more and then quit since my point is pretty much moot (not MOOTS). I think any and all methods of single speed tensioning devices suck in their own special way. They've all slipped on me at one point or another, but to be as transparent as possible I have to admit I blame user error for 99% of the slippage. Tighten things down properly, and things shouldn't get loose. If they still slip after a proper torquing you should just buy a new bike.

If your tensioning device creaks, groans, or clicks I suggest you get out a variety of plumber's dope, grease, anti-seize, lip balm, Teflon tape, canned cat food, or whatever else you might wanna spooge all over the moving parts and go to town. If that doesn't work remove all the plumber's dope, grease, anti-seize, lip balm, Teflon tape, and canned cat food, run it dry, and if that doesn't work... buy a new bike.

I will now address the comments as promised.

Bill said...

Nice to know I'm not the only one! Every time I get a frame with sliders, I go through (nearly verbatim) the process you mentioned.

Then you need professional help as much as I do. Perhaps we can find a therapist that offers group rates on e-therapy.

bentcrank said...

Sure, you post this after I just got my new bike that has my fist sliders.... the centering issue was not as easy with out my chain tugs

Got sliders without tension adjustment bolts? Tighten the chain like a pro messenger type person.

Push the wheel back hard on the drive side, tighten down the drive side, center the wheel, tighten down the other side, and then walk away taking care to not look back at the work you've done on the off chance that doing so will turn you into a pillar of salt.

Ron and Kat said...

... Honestly, the EBB should never have been invented. Its fundamentally a bad idea. In fact, these days I choose frames primarily on whether they have EBBs or not. You can get use to subtle changes in geometry over the course of a couple of rides. You can't get use to the chain loosening and falling off because something is an inherent failure by design. Just sayin...

Without having any written record of my chain drop history I would have to say I had equal amounts of chain drop with both systems ONCE I WEEDED OUT MY DRIVETRAIN ISSUES. Back when I ran a ti ring and ti cog with a PC-1 chain I dropped my chain as much as once or twice in a single endurance event (part of my 1:17 deficit to Captain Morgan at the Shenandoah 100 ruining any chance I had at a win there). I think since I've swapped to an aluminum ring and an aluminum or steel cog everything has been peachy with only a couple chain drops a year (maybe).

dougyfresh said...

back in late march i got my first bike with sliders after having four bikes with an EBB. I'm not a fan of the sliders...

You complete me Doug.

Peter Keiller said...

.... More to the point, eccentric, slider, whatever the case may be...your issues go way beyond chain tension.

You make me want to be a better man, Peter. One that can tolerate you.

Anonymous said...

you are an ebb/slider whore to whatever frame sponsor you have at the time.

Gawd, I was hoping someone would say this. Perhaps maybe I once was, but the MOOTS was my first try at sliders. They worked fine (from a tensioning perspective), but for me they were not ideal. Unfortunately MOOTS does not offer an EBB option, so I had to run what they used if I wanted to race for them. In the near future you will soon see that I am sticking with my ideals (some would call them quirks), and shunning the easy way out.

Now, if someone were to actually PAY me to ride sliders in the future, or more to the point, pay me to fiddle with them and buy calipers to get my adjustments as anally retentively as close to perfect as possible? They better have deep pockets. Therapy ain't cheap.

In closing...

Single speeds are for idiots who shouldn't work on their own bikes. Anybody who wants to argue with me is a bigger idiot, and probably had to have their mother read this post to them.

I think I made my point(less).

If you're not paying attention to my sidebar you mighta missed the update from Santa Cruz the other day (I did). Looks what's new...

A 29" wheeled carbon hard tail.

Back when I did Hell Ride 2007 they (the deciders at Santa Cruz) scoffed me when I asked about 29'ers. They wanted to hear none of my talk regarding the superiority of big wheels. That night after the ride I heard mutterings of a blanket party in my honor.



Who's laughing now?

No one?

Oh...

Merry Christmas.

Why I don't like sliders (and why that shouldn't matter to you)

First things firster...

I'd like to take a moment of silence to pay my respects to Steve Landesburg AKA Det. Arthur Dietrich of Barney Miller who passed away on Dec 20th, 2010.

Once my parents allowed me to watch Barney Miller I realized that I was more Dietrich than I was Wojo, Fish, Yemana, Harris, or Amanguale. I'm not Jewish nor do I have great taste in suits, but he just seemed like my kinda guy.

Only 65 when he died.

Now to the real topic of the day.

I don't like sliders.

Not that kinda slider, this kinda slider.

For those that want to throw my own words in mine own face, please... allow me.

April 8th, 2009

"After all these years of happy EBB use I can say that sliders are pretty sweet too. It mighta taken me five minutes to adjust my EBB (including the time I spent searching for my tools), but I would say it takes seven minutes to adjust the sliders. I haven't actually timed either one of the processes, so these are just guesses as either method is greatly effected by the varied locations of the appropriate toolage."

I wrote that post six days after the frame showed up at my house VIA the Will Bolt Express.

I rode the MOOTS all the way through the rest of the 2009 year (nine months). I adjusted the sliders countless times during that period, and after that much time of sliding my sliders I can easily say that I prefer EBB's, but that shouldn't matter to you.

I've got my own issues in life. Occasionally I get an eyelash that grows out of the tear duct in my left eye. I hardly notice it as it grows, but once I do see it protruding rudely out of a place I know that it doesn't belong I immediately grab the tweezers and tweeze it out. It doesn't affect my vision, it doesn't irritate me in a physical sense, and it doesn't continue to grow to an abnormal length. I just don't like looking at it, so I pluck it.

When I build up a new bike and it comes time to trim the hydraulic lines I take way too long to do it. I measure, eyeball, estimate, cut, eyeball, wince, eyeball, measure, cut... I do this until I think it looks perfect. Symmetry can not be truly had when trimming hydro lines since they start in similar albeit opposite spots on the handlebars, but their journeys take them to different locations on the bike. This does not stop me from trying to attain something close to perfect symmetry.

I have anal retentive tendencies. These are not the main driving force in my brain, but coupled with my ADD I can get wrapped up in trying to attain perfection knowing that it can not be attained no matter how hard I try.

What does this have to do with sliders?

Sliders work perfectly well, in that they do a most excellent job in creating a state of proper tension on a single speed drive train. Unfortunately for me they create an issue. As the wheel is pulled further back from the bottom bracket it is up to the user (me) to keep the wheel centered. This is done by eyeballing the wheel in the stays and adjusting the dropouts as needed. The problem is that ocular dominance makes it difficult to get it exactly centered using only my eyeballs, and couple that with the fact that the stays may not be exactly symmetrical, I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. My ADD kicks in, but in the manner that most do not associate with the condition. Instead of being what some might call "scatter brained", I slip into a state of intense hyper focus, and time is lost as I fall into the wormhole of my situation. I brake out tiny rulers and measure the rim to stay distance and the adjustment bolt length, I count threads on the adjusting bolts, I flip the wheel to take into account any unevenness in the wheel's dish, I run the sliders all the way up, put the wheel in, lock the skewer, and count turns on the adjustment bolt... if there is a way to check that the wheel is dead center, I've tried it.

I'll admit I realize that it does not matter if the wheel is 100% in center line with the frame. I wonder how many standard dropout frames have a variance of a millimeter or two. The problem is that I'm the one determining just how centered it is in this case, so I am going to mess with it until I am fully satisfied... every time I change a cog, tighten or replace a chain, or whenever else it would be necessary. I was never "fully satisfied."

I know that when I tension my chain using an EBB my position on the bike gets changed. Saddle to axle measurement, saddle to cockpit distance, virtual chainstay length... that does not bother me. It "looks" fine from all angles, and my brain can accept the consequences. I do not notice the changes, and more importantly they are all changes made in a plane that does not affect the bike symmetrically as I stare at it across the room.

None of that makes sense. It is my problem, not yours. When you have to decide whether you want sliders or an EBB all you have to do is determine what's important to you, your position on the bike or wheelbase. They both work, they both have their drawbacks, and they both have their fair share of detractors and supporters.

I would go on and on even more, but I'm outta time.

Personally I think Detective Arthur Dietrich woulda went with an EBB.

I'm off work till next Tuesday. I'm not sure if I'll post between now and then.

Depends on how bored/inspired I am over the long five day holiday.

LATE EDIT ~ I will have to post more on this topic over the five day holiday. Any and all comments will be addressed at that point in time.

Until then, I give you this:

Can't we all just get a dong?

I forgot to mention some things yesterday.

Before I headed out on my solo road ride on Sunday I psyched myself up by surfing the internets through the early parts of the morning. First I read that the Erzinger case ended in a most incredible (bad) manner.

He (a rich douchebag who takes no responsibility for his actions, the hit, the sneaky run, and the lies that followed) basically got off the hook for a felonious act. I followed the story the whole time, and I'm still dumbfounded as to how this shit happens.

I didn't know if that was more unsettling than finding out about the drunk driver who killed a 14 year old kid on a bike after plowing into him at @83mph who then went on to sue the parents (from jail as an indigent) for "contributory negligence" since the parents allowed the child to ride a bike without a helmet.

Weaving says that had the Kenneys "complied with the responsibilities of a parent and guardian and the laws of this state and not allowed their son to ride his bicycle without a helmet ... this incident and Matthew's death would not have happened".

Furthering my pre-ride stokage I then found a link to this guy:

Can't read the sticker in the window?

This guy is a hoot... in the way that Dick Cheney is a hoot. Unreal. I did like reading his post about riding in the park and putting an elbow into the back of a pedestrian "to teach him a lesson."

Sidewalks and cement trails really should not be occupied by walkers with dogs. They should walk in the grass. So I have decided that now I am not only tired of sharing the road with bicycles, but I am equally tired of sharing cement park trails with pedestrians.

Wow. I was speechless after reading his posts, and I wondered if his dog was raped by a cyclist in the past. So much hate spewed, one has to wonder.

With my faith in humanity brought down to a new low I headed out the door with my road bike. It's a bit daunting to think that someone in a position of wealth or power can hit me and get away with it, a drunk driver could kill me and then sue my wife because I was wearing mostly black on a semi-dreary day, or some guy might nudge me to the shoulder with his vehicle since he's "tired of sharing."

At least once I got out there I forgot all about them and enjoyed my ride.

Speaking of douchebags...

Hannah Montana Miller (not that he's a douchebag) posted up his early tentative schedule for next year, and there was something that caught my eye. The Mountain State 100... I'd never heard of it before, and my long haired, hippy, post pubescent fellow messenger friend gave up very little information about the race. I clicked the link, but there was not a whole lot of information there either. My interest is sparked, but the lack of information is painful. Maybe the promoter is a cyclist, and I can stake out his house and wait for him to go for a road ride. Then I can follow him in my car, run him off the road in a secluded area, and drive back and forth over his legs until he tells me everything. From what I can tell I am within my rights to do so since it would seem that whatever I do to a cyclist while I'm behind the wheel of a car is okay. I'll get back to you as soon as I get done exercising my rights to the road.

Where the Wild Bills Are

Last week the event on Thursday that affected the post on Friday was the CABA Christmas Party. Although I did not work in the dreary weather on the icy roads all day I still decided to hop on my bike and head into town for the party as well as the pre-party/CMA Meeting (Charlotte Messenger Alliance AKA Charlotte Courier Coalition AKA Bill and I).

Eventually we had one half of all the current messengers on the scene when Josh the Wonderboy showed up with his hoopty rig all hooptied up. He woulda fixed it before he arrived, but someone jacked his toolbag from his bike in front of a "No tools allowed" building.

Once the real party started other former messengers came out of the woodwork.

Keith "Big Time" Sorenson (with Courier Net's former polka dot bag wearing Dan behind him in camo) showed up and won the evening's Willem Dafoe look-a-like contest.

Rock and roll legend and repeat Rookie of the year from 2010 Mike Garzon made the scene.

He is currently a guitar tech on the road with a major band, although they have not been to, nor will they be going to, Beirut. This group is so successful even the trim coordinator has a trim coordinator.

Old times were discussed, current situations updated, beers drank, hangovers in the making...

What's in your wallet?

During the CMA Meeting I mentioned how we should do this more often, maybe once a week like we did back in the day. The next morning I felt as if once a year would be just fine.

Saturday morning I missed the dirt window for the weekend. I got an email re: a ride going off at 10:00am with almost two hours advanced notice, but I was not interested in riding in the 30°+ conditions. Later on, the skies opened up and dropped a wintry mix on Mecklenburg county and surrounding areas, so I looked to Sunday.

With all the local trails being closed I was fortunate to find out that the temps would be in the mid 40° range, in other words my minimum standard for a road ride. Wool socks alone can only get you so far.

I plotted a course that would take me past a couple shops where I should be asking for applications as opposed to cue sheets. I had no idea how long my route was since I was not gonna G-Map Pedometer the whole thing before I left, and I would have no idea how long it would be since my cyclocomputer transmitter battery died.

I used greenways along the route. I lust after the gravel experience, but the Queen City is short on gravel roads. I do what I can to fill the need.

Yes, I wore my Twin Six Dark Deluxe long sleeve for the umpteenth time since I received it less than a month ago. It is my most versatile piece of cold weather clothing, and if it only came with matching shoe covers it would be perfect.

My route was a mostly boring ride out of Mecklenburg County, into Stallings and Weddington, and back. As I was returning I realized I was only going to come in with around 2.25 hours of saddle time, so I hit the greenway and crossed over the river into the woods to look at the old trails I used to ride years ago.

We used to ride these at night back in the day with more appropriate bikes and shitty lights. Lacking the right tool for the job I eased my way around the park and turned around when the trail got to this familiar portage.

Heading back and going to another part of the park I noticed that a few trails that had popped up over the last few years had signs posted on them now.

Oddly enough the trails used to be hard to locate, but now with these signs you can see exactly where they split off the main path. I rode none of the trails signed thusly, but all other trails were explored to some extent.

I ended up spending about a half hour exploring the trails, grinding the gravel, and sliding around in the mud before I headed back home.

Victory (now in bite size, calorie control servings)!

I feel like I perhaps had a few too many last night

Half price tasties last night.

Ouch.

The end result is that this post will be photo heavy and poorly worded. No apologies.

Yesterday it was time to rebuild the hubs on the Fastest Bike in the World. Since there was no riding to be done outside for pleasure it just seemed like the thing to do, and I honestly had no idea when it was done last.

I hate performing maintenance on my work bike. That's the real reason behind riding a track bike. Aside from putting air in the tires and lubing/tightening the chain there's not a whole lot else to worry about.

I sequestered myself in the bike room with no plans to emerge until the job was done. It was then that I discovered I had no creamer in my coffee. Not a problem.

I grabbed all my spanners. I can never remember which ones work on which hubs, so I just threw them all on the bench.

Meh, I only needed the two I thought I would need and none of those I thought I wouldn't.

I only wore the ground score Ritz Carlton slippers until I dropped a greasy tool on them. Maintenance foul.

Things looked bad on the inside, but not bone dry like they were the last time I rebuilt them.

Everyone should have dental tools in their tool box.

They can make your life much easier and save you loads on dental cleanings for your kids.

One thing I love about my rear hub... caged bearings WITH a plastic cage so it doesn't end up all rusty and mangled from neglect.

Happy and packed with fresh grease I moved on to the Campy front.

The Campy hub annoys the shit out of me.

See the flats on that cone? No, you do not. They are mostly hidden behind that seal. What seal?

That seal. The axle is slotted and the washer is keyed, but I still want to be able to get a wrench on those flats. The Campy hub also has loose balls. I hate loose balls.

Loose balls means lost balls most of the time.

I ended up trying to rebuild the hub without the seal and then trying to press the seal in around the hardware. It was not possible. I grabbed my box of sockets and tried to find the right sized one to bang it on. My sockets were a mess, so I organized them.

Which ended up being a nightmare since starting with the sockets I found myself emptying my household tool box and organizing it as well. Once I got back to the hub I discovered that the socket idea was a big fail. I had to take the hub apart, put on the seal, and hope the keyed washer would do its job.

The camera was forgotten at this point as my tolerance for distractions was low. I didn't need to digitally document myself walking around the bike room stomping my feet and sobbing. Eventually I got the wheel back together, and the bike became rideable again.

This is how you tension the chain like a pro. Semi-pros rely on cheater devices, but my rookie years are far behind me.

Don't worry rookie...

You'll get there someday.