Just like that, the blog goes on hiatus for two whole weeks. I, my body, will be back in Charlotte at 6:04AM on July 8th, but I will also be punching a clock two hours and fifty-six minutes later. Living the dream.
In my dream, I take my seeing eye dog, Two in the Stink, out hunting for free range corn dogs while listening to Fleetwood Mac covering WASP's Electric Circus. Your dreams may vary.
I do not like the kind of travel that I will face tomorrow. Connecting flights, layovers, traveling with a bike case, hoping said bike case is on every plane I happen to be on, customs, possible "discussions" regarding the appropriate amount of money to charge for my bike case, a ride from the airport to the hotel that's got the whole "don't worry, we'll find you" vibe, the possibility of airport foodage...
Does anybody know where I can get spinach, eggs, and onions in the Houston Airport?
These are indeed affluent Anglo-Saxon issues.
And then there's that whole "new and exciting industry insider douchebag thing" I'll be doing on Friday that I sincerely hope I don't screw up. I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone involved knows who they are dealing with here. My coverage of Interbike 2011 was legendary. Real "unprofessional cyclist" turned "unprofessional journalist" stuff.
Pretty sure that by the end of 2013, The Industry will gather in a most clandestine manner and vote to put me permanently outside of its exclusive inner circle for life.
The 2013 BC Bike Race is my first nomadic style stage race in years. I've had the luxury of sleeping in the same bed every night, laundry, and refrigerated beers for a very long time. Obviously this is not as difficult as the Tour Divide, but that's just such a silly endeavor all together. I've packed relatively wisely, just enough beer coozies (three) and underwear (one) to make it through the week.
When I return, I don't know what to expect here. I have committed to writing a full feature on my BC Bike Race experience for Dirt Rag, so in order to keep that content sort of original, I'll have to somehow share things somewhat differently here...
or not at all.
But more than likely here, just not in the manner in which you or I have grown accustomed to.
Expect lots of Shirtless Club for Men photos and other not ready for prime time material.
Miss me already?
I'll miss you.
At least I'll feel appreciated while I'm away.
Nice to know all the other riders will get to see what it feels like to be me for once in their lives.
And just because I just watched a Brian Posehn comedy show the other night...
I'm leaving Thursday, although the BC Bike Race doesn't start until Sunday. Day Zero is Saturday. It is a "must attend" day. You drop off your bike, register, load your duffel for the week, get your picture taken with a life-size standee of Andreas Hestler, go to a racer meeting, get carted off to the tent city...
if you're not there, you're not racing.
So by leaving Thursday, I will be in Vancouver all day Friday. What's the point?
Once again, I am aimlessly and wantonly pushing myself deeper and deeper into "The Industry."
I don't know if I'm supposed to be talking about what I'm doing... perhaps just talking about not talking about it is going too far. I dunno. This is a first for me, being that I'm still a junior level industry insider douchebag.
I'm accepting a certain amount of "responsibility" in exchange for this "opportunity." Generally speaking, I'm not interested in more responsibility, but in this case I've made an exception. Once in a lifetime experiences should be embraced when offered, unless said experience is holistically unpleasant or perhaps painful and without reward or fuzzy feelings.
Speaking of responsibilities...
Dirt Rag #171 is currently making its way into readers' hands.
Yes, a lengthy interview with the reclusive (until now) Missy Giove.
Don't know who Missy is (or was)?
I don't know you.
Of course there's yet another Wassupwidis? from me. You can probably continue to expect that from now into the near future. I mighta squoze another piece into this issue as well. Still no centerfold, but I'll keep trying.
For now, I'll settle for this, what I would like to think is an open invitation to the Shirtless Club for Men, but what is more than likely a private joke from Dirt Fest:
Dirt Rag: If you're not reading it, you're probably reading something else...
or illiterate...
or watching FOX News.
Same thing.
And now, back to packing and trying to figure out if there's room for at least one pair of underwear in my luggage.
I scratched my head. Impossibru. Never gonna happen.
Slowly it changed to "Why not ask?"
So I did. An email, a response, more emails, two phone calls, and the next thing you know, the cat got out of the bag quicker than it got in.
No sooner did I complain about the anticipation of being lonely at the BC Bike Race than I was no longer lonely at all. This is great news as I was having a hard time figuring out how to pack my fern in my bike case.
It's gonna be soooo sweet...
I won't be dining alone at meal time either.
I had a great time back in 2007 at the inaugural BC Bike Race with Timmy as my teammate. We were able to actually snag a top ten finish in the Open Men Duo category and due to Tim's age deficiency, it looks as if we'll still be in the Open Men Duo category this go around. One year of aging would've been all we needed to jump into the "softer landing" 80+ category.
Oh well.
It's amazing that even in 2013, after offering solo categories for a few years now, BC Bike Race still pulls in a huge number of Duo teams. There will be no easy podium poaches up for grabs.
Other great news?
Timmy has assured me that he is NOT in as good as shape as he was in 2007. Thusly, he shouldn't be at the top of every climb looking refreshed as I come up with drool streaming from my chin grunting and groaning in misery.
2007...
So long ago.
The Shirtless Club for Men had such humble beginnings.
I still thought it was best to pack my bag from the inside.
My fortune cookies had great wisdom and insight.
I met my now editor at Dirt Rag, Mike Cushionbury for the first time...
back when he worked for that "other magazine."
And finally, that was all the way back (and the last time) I thought it was a good idea to do a stage race with a hydration pack (not filled with beer).
The new and improved number plate holder does indeed carry a secondary tube concealed nicely behind the number plate. Since BC Bike Race doesn't do the whole "drop bag" thing (must be an entitled American concept), I want to be prepared as possible. Yes, I coulda just strapped another tube to my bike with a Tourniquet, but I can only stand attaching so many things to my pretty bike... probably the only reason I'll never do the Tour Divide. That and the whole 2,000+ miles of glorified gravel roads, sleep deprivation, time off work and away from home, and any inkling of desire to try it.
Speaking of BC Bike Race, my post yesterday was the catalyst of many actions. Texts, emails, and phone calls, all from some time in the morning until later into the evening. Things may have changed dramatically for me. Final word will come today.
More happy?
My weight.
While I am not happy with the current gaining trend, there was an upside. When I picked a target weight, it was based on a fat percentage.
Yes, I own a fat scale. The Pie bought it for me years ago as a present. Of course she thought it would be great to give me something else to anally compulse over.
I'm sure she regretted the purchase about one week later.
So anyways, I picked a weight based on a healthy (but low) percentage and saw it once in early May. Then there was PMBAR, the Eleventy-one, TSE, and some other random riding. Also I had been doing pull-ups since some time back in April... well actually chin-ups. I didn't even know there was a difference. I'd do pull-ups, but the doorway where my bar is installed does not accommodate my girthy wingspan.
So I do chin-ups. Don't hold it against me.
I hopped on the fat scale all this time later and discovered something strange. Some of the weight I put on is apparently not fat. It is either muscle, scar tissue, or unrecoverable mountain mud boogers lodged deep in my sinuses. Assuming I keep any of those things, my old target weight is no longer an option. Score one for the home team.
Other great news?
I'm 87% packed for BC Bike Race. Had to be. I'm going away this weekend and running out of time fast. Not to mention, I knew how much time I would lose standing around my bike room looking for shit. Last night, it was the stuff sack for my Thermarest (not found, even though I know I touched it a few weeks ago). Yesterday morning, it was my back-up spare 10speed quick link (yes, the back-up to my back-up). It was not where it was supposed to be, but that was because it was still wisely packed away in a prototype Fönbag with my spare cogs and links. There went at least twenty minutes I'll never get back. With so much to be happy about, let's take it down a notch. This was brought to my attention yesterday:
If you don't have the patience to watch the video, basically the guy is complaining about a cyclist who uses a major artery into The City everyday... oh, and yeah, the cyclist breaks some laws in the process.
I support and fully endorse a certain type of "guerrilla commuting." I will break laws if following said law jeopardizes my safety or if there is a better way to keep all parties interested moving towards our final destination. I will use sidewalks for blocks at a time if that means I don't have to share the road with people doing 55 in a 45 while texting, talking, and applying enough make-up to make themselves look presentable.
Shooting the gap between cars at a red light only to put the same cars you just passed you behind you so they have to maneuver past you again? Doing it on a daily basis?
Recipe for disaster. Eventually you're going to piss someone off (rightfully so), and they are either going to make an asinine YouTube video, take their anger out on you, or take that anger out on another cyclist. These are your fellow commuters. Show them some respect.
Now, shooting the gap between cars at a light to put yourself in a safer place, get off the main artery, get safely to a crosswalk to avoid hanging it out in the left lane waiting to make a turn off of a 45MPH road, or to do something else that makes your life better without negatively affecting others? Have at it. I got called an asshole for it a couple weeks ago. Whatever.
The best part about all this is that the driver is complaining about a rider on Providence Road. Way back before people had YouTube and the ability to start online petitions to make such an activity illegal and dedicate a website to hate, your only recourse was to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper. Back in 1997 or so, someone did just that. Who was the rider?
Me.
And I wrote back.
Back then, we had very little neighborhood connectivity, no bike lanes, and no bike racks on buses. Things have gotten better, but to get around the Queen City using 25MPH streets is near impossible. A creek with no way across other than a 45MPH road keeps me from staying in neighborhoods on my short commute... not to mention the neighborhood I skip due to its danger level (twice I had rocks thrown at me, others have experienced the same).
What's the point of all this?
I would love to find the white helmet rider known as Bicycle Boy... surely you've heard of him. According to the very angry man, every one in uptown Charlotte knows about him...
Anyways, I'd love to find the guy and discuss a little etiquette and suggest some other routes I've found in the area. I'd do this in the interest of his own safety. He's sharing a road with some angry people.
People who get so angry that they think people who need to turn left could do the whole world a favor and make three rights.
Sometimes it's so hard to share the world with others.
In one week, I'll be on a plane headed to BC Bike Race. I was to be tenting with former Dirt Rag editor, now Bike Radar technical writer, and extreme cat lover, Josh Patterson.
But alas, he informed me last week that he will no longer be able to make it. He has to be at some press camp thing for a major bike manufacturer. The unfortunate life of the true industry insider elitist douchebag. I bet Durango will suck in July. Eat a bag of dicks and all that.
So I realized that for the first time in a long time, I'll be headed to a stage race as a lone wolf. No plans to be all friends and stuff with anyone. Haven't done that since the 2005 Trans Rockies when I didn't even know my team mate. I did check the roster, and apparently there are some North Carolina folks headed that way. Blue Ridge Adventures' (promoters of races like ORAMM, Swank, and the Pisgah Stage Race) very own head honcho Todd Branham will be teaming up with Pisgah regular Patrick McMahon. Also, I Facebefriended another NC rider, Colin Izzard, who may or may not make it up there as he is taking certain risks in order to avoid the costly airfare to Vancouver.
I would imagine I might know some people when I get up there. According to Mario C, who used to blog just like every endurance mountain biker did back in 2006, I should be able to find some connection in Tent City.
"There's only six degrees of separation between any cyclist (in US or Canada) and Teamdicky."
And that was back in 2006, before I was even internet famous.
So yes, yes. Poor me. I have to go to BC Bike Race all alone. Sounds like a serious affluent Anglo American problem.
photo cred: Nik Fedele
I see you....
seeing me.
My other disappoint? Way back when I was planning the 2013 "Season," I saw that the early Pisgah Production races would ramp me up nicely for the TSE which would put me in a good place for the BC Bike Race which would then have me pretty fit for something at the end of July.
ORAMM.
This could be my shot at breaking five hours and thirty minutes. So I convinced myself to get my weight down to where it could be if I tried.
And I did. It was all systems go, and heading into the TSE, I was feeling way more fit than I have in years... perhaps ever.
photo cred: Nik Fedele
I did take a course in Urban Gun Handling while attending Youngstown State University. Born to kill, trained to do it with style.
Then the promoter announced a course change for ORAMM. I'm not sure if it had something to do with a small landslide up on the paved path to Kitsuma or what. Doesn't matter. The sub-5:30 goal went out the window.
I returned from TSE a bit on the heavy side. Normal post stage race swelling. Then I continued to eat like I was at a stage race... for a week... then two. Without my ORAMM goal hanging over my head, I lost a certain amount of motivation. I saw a weight that was easily ten pounds heavier than I saw a month ago.
Swing much?
There's an upside, but I'm saving all the good news for tomorrow.
Wait. What's that you say? Windstopper? Not Rainstopper?
Indeed. From my intensive googling, I have found that many outdoor garb pundits say that the Windstopper fabric IS waterproof. It's just that the Windstopper garments do not have taped seams, meaning that the jacket is not waterproof itself. So why bother?
Form fitting, windproof, and very, very packable. How packable?
That's a business card sized bottle opener, so I would say this fits nicely in a jersey pocket with room left over for said bottle opener.
What else does this jacket got going on?
A tiny little pocket that allows you to keep two fingers out of the wind at a time. It also has a loop of cord in it to secure keys, but that does limit finger room quite a bit.
Other nice touches? The jacket is minimal, so it packs down tight, but they still were nice enough to put a loop of fabric inside the neck for hanging it on a hook. Sorry, but it's a pet peeve of mine when there's no tidy way to hang it on a hook.
That's real rain on the shoulder. Not a dramatic simulation.
The other jacket?
The Oxygen GORE-TEX Active Jacket. This is RAINPROOF. It is minimal and yet has some bells and whistles in the name of keeping dry and happy.
Dat extended tail... almost platypusical.
Plenty of coverage with little grabby do-dads to keep it in place.
Ventilation? Sweet little air entry duct work right at the wrists. Very nice and on the bottom so you stay dry and cozy.
This neoprene'esque (I have no idea what it's made out of) cuff at the neck seals the back of the jacket so the rain doesn't pour in and trickle down to your ass crack. That's an issue I've had with countless other coats, so I'm pretty stoked on that.
Packable?
Not as much a the ALP-X, but yes. It comes with its own stuff sack.
But the stuff sack adds bulk, so unless I'm tossing it in my messenger bag or a hydration pack, I'd just bundle it.
Still a little big for a jersey pocket, but it fits. You might have to leave the bottle opener at home though. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes.
So two jackets...
Some of you might remember that I made it through four rainy 50° or so races this year with just a wind vest and a sleeveless jersey. That would probably continue to be my MO. So what's the point of this two jacket system and why one and not the other or vice versa?
The ALP-X will be my "save my ass" coat. Headed out on Stage Two of the Breck Epic with more than just a slight threat of rain at 10,000 feet? My Paclite saved my ass last year and this coat would get the call up in such a scenario. I don't mind being a little moist, but wide open descending for twenty minutes or so in the rain calls for more than just a wind vest.
Starting a barely into the 40's day in a steady downpour, like a certain stage at the 2005 Trans Rockies knowing that it will be an all day affair? The Oxygen gets the call up. Same goes for shitty commutes and all day work in the rain.
I am a picky person. I rarely find something that meets my full approval. I've taken the time to remove cargo pockets from a pair of riding baggies just because I thought they were stupid. It's not often I'm 100% happy.
These jackets are all I want in a (two) jacket(s) and nothing more.
So who's got two thumbs, a dandy blue collar job, and gets to test out a coat today?
As I was riding on the old school bus sitting next to a very "Yeah, brah" duder, I couldn't help but look out the windshield at all the trailers full of bikes up ahead and think, "Holy shit. Eric pulled it off."
On the ride up, I started doing the math. Three school buses loaded with riders, one minute intervals between each rider on the timed sections...
Best to get up to the first one as soon as possible and not stand around in the woods all day waiting for my turn to shred. I got out of the bus as soon as non-rudely possible, headed straight to the trailer, unloaded bikes until I got to mine, and shot out of there slicker than snot. Up the first climb, I was in good company. Many fasties, including Thomas Turner, were on there way up early as well.
At the first timed section down Rattlesnake, I had very little idea what I was in for. I'd only ever climbed up it, and it had been years since I'd even done that. The course was rocky and full of surprises. In the back of my head, all I could think about was my trip to BC Bike Race in two weeks, the commitments I have up there, and a certain regard for my safety.
I made it down in an uneventful manner, talked to Eric really quick about how awesome that everything came together, and then ran off to the next timed sections with two riders from Liberty Bikes.
photo cred: Eric Wever
We got to Kitsuma a little faster than we were expected and ended up catching the timing crew on their hike to the top. We rode up to the start and I ran back down to offer them some help carrying the gear. Anything to keep moving. They didn't need my help, and as soon as they set up, I was on my way down Kitsuma.
Down at the bottom, the crew from Industry Nine was supplying the snacks. I may or may not have had a beverage (depending on local laws), shared some more tasty beverage with Sam from The Hub, and then headed over to Star Gap with the Liberty Bike boys once again.
We slogged our way up to the gap, me pushing my 32X16 when I could, walking when I couldn't. Once we got there, the timing crew got ready while the boys from Liberty took a break. More wanting to get on with the whole post-race fun than worried about my time, I noticed that my pleasure pace partners wanted to recover from the climb. I asked them if they cared if I just went first.
"Go ahead."
So I did. Down Star Gap, left on Jarrett Creek Road, and down the mountain until I almost ran into (maybe bumped) the timing volunteer. I talked to them real quick and rolled out and up the next climb to see just what a 32X16 might feel like at ORAMM.
Not so good.
Faster Mustache was running the timing on the final stage. I cued up my Pringles sound machine to "Pananma: Live" and took off once again. I blasted the lower section as someone might if they had already ridden it a thousand times before. Although I doubted the benefits of having a drooper post on gravel, it was pretty sweet being able to lower my COG and bury the bike in the turns. It was over almost as soon as it started, but maybe too soon. The battery operated timing device had gone to sleep, and it took a few attempts to coax a beep out of it. Unfortunately we would find out later that the beep was not my time but just the beeper waking up. No time for Dicky. Better me than someone who might have been aiming for a podium.
As planned, I rolled back into town quite early. I didn't want to be the first one back, but in my efforts to get a decent workout and ride as much of the climbs as possible, my haste was rewarded with a first place in the pleasure pace pounder class.
Also as planned, I got in my car, drove it to the camp three miles away, put up my hammock, changed clothes, and rode back to the beer where I spent the rest of my day.
photo cred: Eric Wever
As far as my final result, I had to pick a time for my final descent. I went with a decent but humble time and ended up just being just behind Sue Haywood by 21 seconds. I shoulda guessed lower.
All in all, quite an experience. While the format may not be my overall style, it was neat to see a different crowd at a Pisgah Production event. Based on the success and very limited number of hiccups, I'm pretty sure we're going to see this event come back in 2014...
I have a good hunch that it's gonna be even better (bigger, gnarlier, beastier).
And yes, even though it's my 44th birthday, I still woke up at 5:30 so I could blog, fold laundry, pay bills, balance the checkbook, and hopefully get in a fifty minute commute to work this morning.
Tomorrow is the Pisgah Enduro, the fifth Pisgah Productions event of the season, and for me, the last of 2013. I'm racing in the expert class, although I'm certainly no expert nor do I possess the appropriate bicycling device for this type of event.
Whatever.
Enduros are fun. The ultimate penis measuring discipline in mountain biking. I'm not sure how the women's classes will be decided. Probably just time.
My stupid 32X16 single speed will probably handicap my measurement by one to three inches... give or take. I never even got a chance to spin around on the gear to see how it feels. Either go in with a clear vision or go in full Magoo.
There is a "no headphones" rule while racing. Yes, that's mostly my idea. I brought it up at TSE, and I brought it to Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever's attention. I wear One Good Earbud in my functional ear when racing (and allowed by rules), but I think when you're gunning it for minutes at a time chasing down seconds, you want the guy in front of you to know that he/she needs to get the hell out of the way.
I plan on letting others know if I'm coming.
and if that doesn't work, maybe this will:
In the words of John Hammond, "No expense was spared." Just like that, but the total opposite. The free speaker I got from Pringles when I bought shit ton of cans for the 2012 Trans-Sylvania Epic held in place with a pink camo Mütherload strap. Nothing says "Get outta my way!" like Hall and Oates blaring from the hobo sound system.
Ideally, I'd be on the road tonight after work headed to the campground to snuggle up on my fellow Faster Mustaches.
But I'm not.
This is the weekend of much jubilation in the house of Dillen. Fajita's birthday is today, then Father's Day comes up Sunday, followed by my birthday on Monday.
So cake, ice cream, and a movie tonight.
Post-race beers tomorrow to celebrate all the celebrations.
Father's Day will be honored by dropping Fajita off at camp for two weeks (what a great dad I am, I know).
Monday, my actual birthday, will be spent with The Pie and a couple old friends.
Happy Ending and fermented Trader Joe's organic spaghetti sauce makes for a great Bloody Mary.
Tuesday I hope to make it out to the Faster Mustache/Gentleman's Ride to debauch with friends and hopefully shakedown the Dickstickel Meatplow V.6 before cleaning it back up, tearing it down, sticking it in a box, and loading it on a plane bound for British Columbia.
I did some (many) things half-assed at the Trans-Sylvania Epic. Quite a few (many many), in fact. I feel like I can get away with it there. Familiarity breeds contempt.
Stupid things. Like although I am sponsored by That Butt Stuff, I forgot to bring even one dollop of chamois cream. I sucked it up for the short time trial Stage One and went dry. The next two stages, I just slathered my taint with Trader Joe's skin lotion... it was better than nothing. Finally I admitted my stupidity to my fellow Eagle Lodge residents, and I ended up borrowing glops and squirts of whatever anyone would lend me.
I was down to my last few applications of a six ounce tube and only had a half dozen or so trial sizes in an ammo can under my work bench. I knew I was running low, but I hate to ask for things. When I got back from TSE, the folks from TBS sent me a message:
"We haven't sent you any TBS lately... Do you need a restock? How was TSE this year?"
Irony.
I won't forget it again (unless I do).
I'm doing my best to not half-ass the BC Bike Race. Since everything has to fit in a duffle bag between stages, space is limited and gear must be selected in a most judicious manner. Add to that, the rules require racers to carry certain gear... gear I may not necessarily have normally.
The List Per Person (The SafetySixPack):
1) 1 rain shell
2)1.5L water (at start or demonstrable capacity at any checkpoint)
The rain shell? I used to have the best one possible. Goretex Paclite, perfect Dicky size, bought at a swap meet for $30 oh so many years ago.
It packed down oh so small...
I lost it over a week ago. I am in the process of replacing it, but it was soooooo perfect. Meh.
1.5 liters of water? That's 50.7oz. Each Twin Six Purist bottle only holds 22oz each, leaving me 6.7oz short. Solution? Assuming they just won't let it slide because 1.3L woulda been easier for us two bottle carrying folks, I'm bringing an empty gel flask to prove my "demonstrable capacity" if necessary.
Whistle? Fox 40 or better.
I'm carrying this:
The half-whistle I made at the 2004 PMBAR with a knife while sitting at the bottom of Pilot Rock (long story). I've carried it at every PMBAR since. Is it better than a Fox 40? I'd say so. It's pretty awesome.
Emergency food? I plan on living off the land at the aid stations, so I'll carry the same gel pack all week... for emergencies.
Pressure dressing? I couldn't get a firm grasp of what they wanted specifically. Once again, I dug into my PMBAR gear and grabbed a 4X4 12 ply gauze pad and a roll of medical tape wrapped neatly around a rectangle of plastic from a Maxxis tire hanging thingy-do. It will work... under pressure.
Waterproof matches or lighter? I was just gonna use the tiny lighter I carry at PMBAR in a tiny zip-loc bag, but being a rule follower, I went out and bought the fucking matches for $2.99. Seemed easier than explaining to the rule enforcers that my lighter was indeed waterproof (inside the bag).
I'm getting ready... slowly... cautiously.
I do have seven sleeveless jerseys, so there's that.
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