Me so sorry

It's been amazing how strapped for time I've been lately. Blog posts have suffered as a consequence of me trying to squeeze in some bike maintenence in my early morning hours. A simple tire swap turned into an exercise in Stan's tape replacement and an even tempered patience. The change from a six inch rotor to a seven inch rotor caused more headache and pain than I bargained for.

After getting some advice to just use spacers I dug up some old aluminum ones that I think came with a brake booster I was using back in the late nineties. I would explain what a brake booster is, but if you don't know go ask your grandfather.

This looked weak. I was not inspired in the least. I could see broken teeth and a smashed helmet in my future. This operation was aborted before it was even taken out of the house.

Then I got a call from Johnny Nutsack Flapjack Bitchslap Nick Nack Paddy Whack Give the Dog a Bone. He had a couple spare adapters, the actual HAYES adapters, so a meeting place was arranged and a shady deal took place in a back lot in the wee hours of Tuesday morning (around 7:30AM).

This looks a little more inspiring. Of course when I went out to test it the whole thing sucked ass for no particular reason, so I had to break out the rubbing alcohol and fine grit sandpaper and work on the rotor and go about bedding it in again. I think it feels better. I get random unsolicited emails all the time telling me that an extra inch should be quite pleasing, so perhaps I'll feel the difference once I get to the Tour de Burg.

Bike Rumor had a nice post up the other day with images of the new XTR 2011 shiz (a new word I learned yesterday after abusing the word "shit"). Ten speed blah, blah, blah... new brakes that look awesome but I'm just a Hayes kinda guy (even though they don't sponsor me as they should), shifty bits that are all shiny, and a cassette with nine too many schprockets.

But then I saw this:

The NEW 2011 XTR PEDAL (aptly named the M980 because that just sounds like the hawtness)

I love XTR pedals, I just do. I can't help it. This one has to be better than the previous one. It's 15 grams lighter (that's fifteen average sized paperclips) than the current model. Would you carry around fifteen average sized paperclips in your jersey pocket if you didn't have to? I probably run around with 300 average sized paperclips in the bottom of my messenger bag all day, but that's a great training aid and they come in handy for impromptu arts and crafts style necklaces . When it's time to race I always make sure to leave the average sized paperclips at home. What else does this pedal do better?

"Power transfer efficiency is improved by increasing shoe and pedal body contact by 270% over PD-M970".

270%??? That's a lot more percents. That's 269 more percents than 1%. I would be getting this pedal if it were only 1% better, but this is 270 times greater than my wildest dreams. I need to go scour eBay for my newest pedal that will autmoatically make me faster than the moron riding around with fifteen average sized paperclips in his jersey pocket.

Road TdB behind the scenes preparations

Another important step in the preparations for the Tour de Burg was getting my road bike sorted out. I'm anxious to race my new crabon road bike, and when I bought it back in April the TdB was something I had in mind.

Two years ago at my first Tour I brought this to ride on the road stages:

It was heavy, it only had one speed (slow), the tires were heavy wire bead 32mm commuters, and it just plain sucked at road rides. I only rode it on the first road day that was supposed to go 70+ miles and ended up being 90+ miles. It was a long suck ass day of unhappy torment. How hard was that day? I remember looking back behind me on the ride back into town to see that I was hauling a tanked Sam Koerber back into town. If it hurt Sam than it would kill a regular mortal human being (that said, I was actually dead and had to be revived when we got back to Harrisonburg). I ended up pulling the semi-functional Colnago outta my car for the second road day and had a less than miserable time dragging it around (after Carpong let me use his old 28mm Gatorskins).

This year I've got a new plan. I hardly think I'm gonna be able to hold onto the main field every day, but I would like to get dropped much later. This thing is ready for business.

Big Worm hooked me up with some old 28mm Gatorskins that still have some life in them. How much life. In the world of man laundry piles they would not be in the clean pile, or in the worn once or twice pile, and certainly not in the shit stained underwear pile, but the worn quite a few times, a little smelly, but not quite ready to commit to the "dirty" pile since you could still wear it doing yard work.

Other important things?

Awesome Strap clamping down on a tube, a CO2, tire lever, and a Second Wind Road Carbon Mini. One thing that will happen at the TdB is flats. Gravel fireroads and high speeds mix together to provide the common TdB rider a few inconveniences. I hope I don't have to use this shit, but it's there if I need it.

And here's some more shit:

Another Awesome Strap clamping down on another tube, another CO2, another tire lever, but no need for another Second Wind Road Carbon Mini.

Flats happen that often and you don't wanna get caught out. While my goals are meager at the Tour I don't like showing up that far behind everybody else. I'll be saving all my road mojo for the big gravel climb up to Reddish Knob on day 6 as that was the only time I finished in the top ten on a road stage in 2008.

Two days before I leave, and there's till shit to do...

What about things that aren't about me?

I've been grooving on Harlan Price's coverage of the BC Bike Race over on Cyclingdirt.org. Most recently Day Two went up, but Day One and Day Zero are there as well (these are videos that you could watch at work instead of playing minesweeper). I was at the first BC Bike Race with Tim Dougherty back in 2007 (and apparently so was Evan "get out of my fucking way" Plews), and I would love to go back. Maybe once I get that whole "independently wealthy" thing going.

I am not ready yet

Tour de Burg is coming in four days, and I had a lot of shit to do to get ready for it this weekend. I am still not ready, and some of the things I did do made me less ready than I thought they should have while others made me more readier.

I thought I would like this tire that I brought home from the Tran Sylvania Epic. It looked meaty, fast, and bouncy.

I know Rampage, and sir, you are no Rampage.

The WTB Wolverine rolled fast, but even aired down to 15.5 PSI (measured when I got home from my ride yesterday) it was still not as nice as my Rampage. I am gonna mount this 790 gram beastie on the rear for Tour de Burg. I ripped two Crossmarks up there last year (in only three days on the mtn bike), so beefy in this case is way better. Now I need to mount the Rampage back up and move the Wolverine rearward. Meh.

I also got to try out my new Enduro external bottom bracket.

My stock Race Face BB shit the bed at the TSE, so an upgrade was in order. I'd hate to say I'm a victim of marketing, but I felt like Beavis and Butthead reading the technical spewings put forth by the folks at Enduro.

Smooth balls, larger balls, deeper ball grooves, ball size... you had me at balls.

This product worked fine and was as thrilling as a bottom bracket can get which is not very.

Yesterday's ride? It was my first mountain bike ride since the TSE ended, and it was a doozy. Only Leyonce dared to join me based on my ride description. I think I mighta lost part of my soul yesterday. We only went 44 or so miles, but the heat... oh, the heat. I'm not one to sweat much at all, but yesterday I had a constant drip coming off my chin. I had to push up sections of a climb I haven't pushed since 2004. We missed an important turn and climbed an extra 2.5 miles when neither one of us was in the mood for extra climbing. I found myself missing my 8" front rotor for the first time since I removed it in April (when I mounted up the Niner crabon frok). I lamented the choice of the Wolverine and aired it down hilly nilly trying to regain some comfort. My 2.1 Prowler was no match for the loose gravel roads and stymied my efforts to get to the top in haste. I rode up on a black rattlesnake in the middle of some narrow singletrack and pissed my pants. I don't know my snakes, but when he turned around and started rattling at me... ummmm, yeah... he was a rattler. Leyonce kindly grabbed a very long stick and shooed him off the trail since I was ready to go backwards for 35 miles to avoid conflict. My big wheel shenanigans at last week's New Belgium Urban Assault Race finally caught up to me. My lower back was screaming in pain on the descent and my dented rib cage wouldn't expand full on the climbs to allow me a full breath. Stupid big wheels, so much fun, but such a cruel mistress.

Tour de Burg here I come.

So this week's things to do to the Meatplow before the Tour de Burg:

Move the Wolverine to the rear
Mount the Rampage up front
Replace the worn out PC-1 (no doubt the extra 2.5 miles of climbing did it in)
Swing the EBB to the "up position"
Raise the saddle
Flip the stem to the "rise position"
Obtain a 7" post mount adapter and get a 7" rotor mounted up ASAP

If you've got that very adapter I need and you are local'esque let me know. Paying $9 shipping on a $17 part sucks ass, but I'm gonna do what I gotta do to have it on there before I leave.

Thirty days hath September

Getting back on topics that are off topic....

Last week I mentioned that autograph requests were at a three week low since I was mentioned on Fatty's blog.

May 30 - June 5th: 1 request
June 6 - June 12th: 1 request
June 13th - present: 0 requests

Well I got a request right at the end of the week.

Dicky,

Hey this is Rebecca Rusch, your new best friend from TSE. I know this might be awkward coming from an elite cyclist such as myself, but I was wondering if you would send me an autographed photo. I swear it's not for me. You-know-who wants one, but he's afraid to ask. Even though he totally crushed you at the TSE he still has a huge man crush on you.

Anyways, TIA.

Love, Becky

Being that Rebecca is a fellow World Champion such as myself I felt compelled to acquiesce her request ASAP.

Yesterday she received it in the mail and sent me a photo.

"Greg's gonna love it!"

Speaking of Greg I just couldn't help myself.

I'M GETTING SOME SALAD!

This week has been hot as shit. Yesterday was a "Code Red" day. The authorities that are in charge of coding our hot weather and smog levels suggested that not only do we Charlotteans need to avoid going outside we shouldn't even look outside. I've been sweating my balls off... literally. If it weren't for the elastic band on the leg of my underwear I would have surely lost them by now. My sack is sagging so low I could be used as a midget tether ball pole.

(I said "midget" and not "children" to keep you from having bad dreams)

This past week I sent an email to the race director for the Tour de Burg. I asked Carpong why the letters of intent were not up yet as they provide me with small amounts of additional mojo going into the race. He replied:

I got your letter and many others intentions of grandeur. Maybe we can get them up maybe not. See you next week.

Next week?

Dumbass. The race isn't for two more weeks.

Last night I got a call from Tim Dougherty, my partner from the 2007 BC Bike Race. He was calling to let me know that he was doing the Tour de Burg as well. At the end of our conversation as he was saying goodbye he said "See you in a week."

"Dumbass. It's still two weeks away", I replied.

"No, it starts next week on July 2nd", Tim chortled.

Shit. I musta thought there were 37 days in June. I honestly thought I had another weekend before the TdB began. I had plans to acquire fitness and lose 5 pounds in the lead up to the race. Oh well, maybe I should stop using this Aztec calendar since I can hardly make sense out of it. I thought today was Right Facing Biting Fish Day.

Since today is apparently Orange Traffic Cone with a Yellow Stripe Day that means I need to get a long ride in the mountains this Sunday. Anyone wanna come? Warning: the pace will be somewhat aggressive, the set course miserable, and the weather hot. Stragglers will be left to die.

USA Cycling hates fun (my fun that is)

Since the New Belgium Urban Assault Race took over my blog for the last three days I have an accumulation of shit in my head to spew forth.

First off, I read this somewhere (probably Bike Rumor) and I felt a little happy place inside me get warm:

"In a statement posted on USA Cycling’s website Friday morning, nine rule changes were outlined for the 2010-2011 season, with the addition of disc brakes by far being the most shocking and significant. An amendment to Title 1, section 1.3.025 reads;

Disc brakes are allowed in cyclo-cross training and competition."

Of course this is a "Why didn't they do this years ago?" moment. All you cable actuated brake folks should rejoice in the fact that there will probably be some product development in the Avid BB brake line, like a high performance lightweight model, and maybe some actual competition for the world's best cable actuated (blecchhh) brake. Still if I ever get the SS cyclocross bike of my dreams it will still have canti's just because cross canti's look so bad ass.

There was more to the new rule changes though...

For races on the road and cyclo-cross, the use of fixed sprocket is forbidden: a braking system that acts on both wheels is required.”

Seriously? I was not aware that fixed gear... I mean "fixed sprockets" were such an issue in cyclocross. Too much of an advantage? Did someone die last year as a result of some reckless rider with a "fixed sprocket"?

I only have one bike on which I might do the one cross race I might do every year. This is it:

I quite enjoy riding this bike. It has never seen better than a mid pack finish in a cross race nor has it killed anyone.

photo cred: Big Worm

I am a rule follower. I do what I have to when it comes to abiding to the man's rules. I even donned sleeves for a cross race just to avoid the wrath of the man and his rules.

photo cred: Lee Flythe

This really seems like a stupid piece of horseshit rule. Who thought of it and why? Perhaps the guy who gets paid to write the rules gets paid according to the number of new rules he can come up with each year. This guy needs a punch in the nuts for the general doucheyness of his limited thought processes.

I can't even think about what else I was going to write about today. I'm not so much peeved that I may not get to do my one cyclocross race a year due to this rule. I'm just sick of rules that are created just so we can have more rules. If anyone has any idea why this rule exists please feel free to let me in on this little secret.

I'm just gonna leave it at that. My bike doesn't know that it lost its special purpose, so we're going to have a long talk this morning. Can a bike cry? I guess I'll find out.

NB UAR Video in HD and 3-D (3-Dicky)

The New Belgium Urban Assault video is done. Here's some things to keep in mind.

Three of the checkpoints are missing. I assure you we got them all and I have the beads to prove it. This was Big Worm's first time with the GoPro and there is a learning curve.

There were over 22 minutes of video from our search for the mystery checkpoint/guy in an afro/tutu riding the Booty Loop clockwise. Bill turned it off at that point and didn't turn it back on again until we were on our way to our second checkpoint. I guess he figured nobody needed to see me crying and kicking passing children for 15 minutes.

After the Ray's Splash Planet scene the camera got turned off and didn't get turned back on till we were done with the final two checkpoints. During that time of unrecorded riding we saw a tornado, a UFO, a cow teaching a chicken long division, and a Tea Bagger with a correctly spelled protest sign. We have none of that on video. Sorry.

As always I just picked a song from my iTunes library that matched the length of the video. Don't like the music? Turn it off and play something from you personal library... like Enya or Barry Manilow. I guess you could always hum the national anthem. Again, not my problem.

Click on the HD icon to watch it on Vimeo for full viewing pleasure.

Enjoy.

2010 New Belgium Urban Assault Race / Charlotte from Rich Dillen on Vimeo.

More New Belgium UAR: Beyond Thunderdome

Hopefully after reading yesterday's post the average reader walked away from their monitors knowing that I had a good time at the New Belgium Urban Assault Race. There were certain things that made the whole experience above average.

Organization: The whole thing went off like clockwork. At each checkpoint there were enough obstacles that we never had to wait for our turn. The volunteers were on top of things and got us in and out pretty quickly.

Beer: New Belgium beer is good.

Fellow racers: Sure there were plenty of stumped people riding around Queens University and the Booty Loop, but everybody was smiling at some point. If you were looking for a good time and you didn't find it I would say you pretty much suck.

After Party: Yes, beer was $4 a cup, and from a promotional standpoint I still don't get that... even with the money going to charity. That said, a little innovation, teamwork, and creativity went a long way, and Big Worm and I never touched our filthy money all day. In my world beer is like french fries... give a man enough of either and he will complain about nothing. Example? After my fourth beer I no longer wanted to kick the elusive mystery checkpoint Afro/tutu guy in the nuts. Win/win.

The wieners... I mean winners: Kevin Thompson and Josh Nol are locals and all around good guys. If Big Worm and I couldn't win it was at least nice to see someone we know up on the podium. Kevin brought his whole family down to the race, and since his mom was a key element in their win I hope he shared his schwag.

Unsupervised access to the Big Wheels: This was the most important thing of all. I had more fun than I had all day during the race right before they closed everything down. Many of us hopped on the adult sized three wheelers and started ripping hot laps in front of the stage. Since the course was an out and back the temptation to play chicken was strong... well maybe too strong when your adherence to logic and reason is slightly altered.

Mayhem ensued.

Carnage abounds when nobody steps in.

Yesterday I woke up quite sore, and my condition is not much better today. Multiple impacts combined with a few high sides in the hairpins have left me bruised and torn. An incidental collision with a pile of mini-kegs gave me a non lethal case of whiplash.

Young and old, man and woman, sober and less than sober...

Bottles and cones were being tossed about. Flagrant hits in the corners, blindsides, head-ons... there were no rules in the Thunderdome. High speed descents down a steep grade on brakeless freewheeling Big Wheels and T-bones being served up left and right.

It was all fun and games until the folks from New Belgium consulted their lawyers on their iPhones (it's a new app) who confirmed that someone would eventually poke their eye out and New Belgium would have to assume 12% liability.

I would love to know if this happens in other cities since this thing is a traveling event. They visit some pretty rowdy cities and get crowds five times larger than the one we had in Charlotte, so I can't imagine that when you combine Big Wheels, adults, and adult beverages the outcome could be any different.

By tomorrow my 7+ minute New Belgium Urban Assault Race video should be ready. Big Worm captured about an hours worth of footage, 22 minutes of which covered 70% of our search for mystery checkpoint 1 before Bill just shut the camera off. That was hard to watch and relive, painful as it was... I promise it's worth watching, and it will justify my sleeping in tomorrow and not really writing much at all.

All photos from Kevin Thompson and Mel Smith

New Belgium Urban Assault Race Report

I love the Dirt Divas....

More on that later.

Big Worm and I joined 348 other people at the first ever (in Charlotte) New Belgium Urban Assault Race on Sunday. Don't know what that is? Here's the breakdown from the NB UAR website:

You and your teammate will set out on a city-wide quest for 'checkpoints' on your favorite two-wheeled steeds. At each checkpoint, you'll drop your bikes and complete a funky/adventurous obstacle course (which earns you one bead), then remount your bikes and hit the streets for more.

So I thought Big Worm and I had a good shot at placing rather high in the standings. We know Charlotte pretty well after earning a living riding around it for over a quarter of each of our lives, and the not quite downtown areas have been explored through boredom and in search of cheap beer for years. Some folks actually said (after the race) they had their money on us. Lotsa people were separated from their money that day.

From the start I had a good idea of our route. The first mystery checkpoint had been semi-revealed to us VIA a crossword puzzle with the following answers:

1 afro
2 booty
3 clockwork
4 loop
5 queens
6Tutu

I had scouted out the area of the BOOTY LOOP looking for any sign of any of those things before work on Friday. On QUEENS University property I found a building number 22 (TUTU) next to a giant CLOCK. Afro? Perhaps a guy would be waiting there wearing an afro... who knows. Anyways, since a second mystery checkpoint would be revealed when we got the first I decided it would be wisest to go to there right outta the gate so we could integrate the second mystery checkpoint into our route ASAP to avoid any backtracking.

Big Worm and I were one of the first teams to our bikes after the LeMans start. I yelled to him that we had to nail the first coupla traffic lights from the start and we did. We were alone on our route to Queens University, and it felt like we had already won... up until we saw some folks who had selected a different route ahead of us, but we nailed them all back, save for a team from Bike Source, and we were the first to arrive at the giant clock. Unfortunately there was no one there, especially no one with an afro or a checkpoint bead or a clue to the second mystery checkpoint.

Big Worm and I rolled around Queens University, the Booty Loop, and beyond looking for anything that looked like anything. We were not alone. There were dozens of teams desperately seeking some sign of a checkpoint, and my tolerance levels were being tested. One of the things I was afraid of when we signed up for this race was that there might be an element of luck involved. The race may not go to the fastest riders, the best route selection, or the best obstacle obstalcelators, but to the riders who managed to get lucky. After @ 30 minutes of rolling around (there was no sense leaving the area since we had to get all the checkpoints to win and the beer didn't start flowing for 2.5 hours) we some saw riders coming hot in our direction, a sure sign that they had found what we were looking for, so we started to move towards the flow.

It was a guy, riding the BOOTY LOOP on a bike, in a CLOCKwise direction wearing an AFRO and a TUTU. Fuck. We lost a lot of time, but we got our bead from him, Big Worm got the clue and affirmed he knew where it was, and we were on our way to the next stop at Bike Source.

Once we got to our next checkpoint at Bike Source everything went like clockwork.... (I shudder just typing that word now). We nailed the paperboy obstacle, moved on to the Common Market Southend and did the piggyback polo obstacle, rode through town to stop at the Disco Chicken sculpture (mystery checkpoint #2), over to Ray's Splash Planet to go down a water slide, up to Smelly Cat for some human bowling, and then over to the Common Market East for a carpet puzzle.

We were on our way back to the finish in well under two hours. We knew that anybody who had found the tutu/afro guy early had a much better shot at winning, but it felt like we did well. When we got back to the finish line the bikes laying around the venue made it evident that we were not all too close to winning at all. We hopped on the big wheels and bounced through the inflatable jungle gym to a disappointing 19th place overall.

So we didn't win. Our friend (and former messenger) Kevin Thompson had played by the rules and used them to his advantage. The promoter had said he would announce all the mystery checkpoints after he had started all three waves (waves determined by a DIFFICULT online quiz). Kevin's mom was there, so he had her listen for the mystery checkpoint info and she belled him up while he was en route to nabbing his first checkpoint. It was in the rules that you could use any resource at your disposal, and that's what they did. My hat goes off to them for their big W.

I still had one more fear/element of mystery involved with the race that almost kept me from registering. Since Big Worm and I registered kinda late we paid $65 a piece to enter this race. I expected this for my entry fee:

You'll get a 100% cotton t-shirt,
New Belgium schwag including a
drawstring back pack, bike bell,
Specialized water bottle, 
lots of New Belgium beer

Hmmm... that was from the website, but later we all got an email with the following information:

Food is available

1st two beers are on us!

"Lots of New Belgium beer" turned into "1st two beers are on us" and there would be food "available". All right, so the food ending up being in exchange for monetary units. I could handle that, but since I was either in this for the win or a 5:00pm hangover the "lots of" turning into "two" was a problem. To make matters worse the beer wouldn't be available till noon (NC State laws in play), we finished @ 11:00am, and rumors were circulating that the beer would be available at either $1 or $4 after you used your two tokens. There's a big difference between $1 and $4 in the circles I travel in, so when they finally announced that $4 cups (with the proceeds going to a charity) were the real deal I have to say many of us let out a collective "meh."

I know, they never said "free food" or "lots of FREE beer". It's just that I don't like ambiguity, especially when my money is involved. I had a great time, I get the point of the rolling checkpoint which added an element of chance so it just wouldn't be the fastest riders for the win, the obstacles were cool, and the other racers were awesome. Speaking of which, even though I quietly bemoaned about the $4 beer I never had to pay for any beer the whole time I was there. The non-drinking members of the Dirt Divas (mainly Shelley and Melissa who took second in the female team division) contributed to my 5:00pm hangover cause, and there was a little wink-wink, nudge-nudge action at the taps that kept Big Worm and I happy right up until the promoters asked us (all that were involved) to stop playing smash up derby with the big wheels.

It was fun... I'll say that. The New Belgium people threw a heck of a shindig. I'm sure if I woulda emailed them previous to the event they woulda cleared up the ambiguity before I registered (they were very responsive to emails), so the blame of making assumptions falls squarely on me. After they closed everything down there was some pool crashing, a stop at the Common Market for more refreshments, and then a street party... none of which were associated with New Belgium.

Would I do it again next year? I'm not a big fan of throwing everything I have into a race (hours spent on an online quiz and a crossword puzzle, bringing my road bike, scouting routes in the week leading up to the race, and whatnot) and having luck play into the equation. Had I known it was going that way I woulda skipped the quiz, rode my fixed gear messenger bike (AKA The Fastest Bike in the World), backed off the pace, and just had fun. That said maybe next year I'd go at it again... for fun.

Just for fun because that would be funner.

Big Worm did wear the GoPro HD camera, so eventually I will have an edited NB UAR video for your enjoyment.

Did I mention I love the Dirt Divas?

Hold on...

this one's going all over the place.

So yesterday was my birthday, and I finally found out the true purpose of Facebook. It exists so on your birthday you can get a shit ton of email notifications from Facebook letting you know your facefriends have wished you a "Happy Birthday", "Happy Birfday", "Happy Dickday", or all manner of other well wishes of birthing. I appreciate it folks, I really do.

What did I get for my birthday? Well speaking of Facebook I got word from BCBike Parks that I did not make it into the top ten for the Ultimate Summer of Freeride contest. I, like you, am slightly confused since I was always towards the top of the page for "MOST VOTES" (currently showing sixth), but these contests always seem a bit ambiguous.

The public may vote online to help determine the finalists during the voting period. The voting period.... Vote tallies will not be displayed to the public. A total of ten (10) finalists will be selected from the public voting process.

I glanced at some of the chosen ones, and there certainly seems to be a demographic pattern of full face helmets, pads, and dare devilry. I'll keep my complaints to myself as I'm sure there is a reason I was left off the list. Perhaps they were afraid I'd give all of British Columbia and the five bike parks my...

SEAL OF SEMI-APPROVAL

Oh well. They get it anyways.
Contest fail.

So I'm not going to Canada this year... or maybe I am. Yesterday after talking to The Pie it seems like I have the go ahead to attend a little three day race up in Canada. I'll talk more about that in the near future when I can iron out all the details, but suffice it to say that I'd be stoked to do four stage races in 2010, not to mention see my favorite Canadian (her, not him). My biggest motivation for doing four stage races in one year would be based on the fact that Lynda Wallenfels (coach to the stars) had this to say about recovery periods:

"Mountain bike stage races such as Trans Rockies, BC bike race and Breck Epic are similar to 24-hour solo races in that recovery rate is highly dependent on the manner in which the athlete raced. Generally, 7 day stage races fall in the 3 week recovery time frame. Scheduling 1-2 stage races per season is reasonable for most athletes."

Good thing I am not "most athletes" or "reasonable."

Doing this event would totally rule out doing the PMBSR and the SSWC2010 (assuming something came through that probably won't), so the choosing to do it would be a choosing to not do others... VICTORY!!!

Yesterday's "Weir Exposed" post shoulda went a little further as I had originally intended. I had other photos that my friends up at Youngstown CSI had fixed for me, but I ran outta time to post them. I had a nice one of Evan Plews plowing through the lingering bubble pile yelling "Get the fuck outta my way sudsy fiends!" There was a sweet one of Jebediah Bisquick getting a hair gel hand up outside of the feed zone (the photo shopped image makes it look like they're high-fiving). They also let me know that the photo of me with two wheels on the ground was doctored as well. As I mentioned before they had told us that the road gap was for "Weir only". I guess Mike and Ray were nervous about the single speed class getting all single speedy and rule breaky, so when they saw us spinning up to speed coming towards the approach they dumped a bucket of Gorilla Glue on the ground to keep us from making Mark look bad. Sad what promoters will do to appease these mamby pamby pros.

Why did I run outta time yesterday? Well, I'm participating in an event this weekend called the New Belgium Urban Assault Race. Wednesday the promoters published a quiz that would determine if you got an early start on the race, so I devoted an unbelievable amount of time to the quiz. It was fucking hard, and I was at my wits end (around three minutes of concentrated effort). Some of the questions were beyond the realm of google, and others involved publications I don't subscribe to (or even write for). I thought about posting some of the questions here for input, but it would be an unfair advantage to tap into my intelligent audience for information. With a little help from my UAR partner Big Worm we managed a score of 76%. I haven't found a score as low as 76% acceptable since my second senior year at YSU. So maybe we don't get the best start time, but Big Worm and I will be bringing our 25+ years of experience to the streets of Charlotte and doing what we can. Worst case scenario? We're well on our way to an afternoon buzz by 12:30PM.

I'm sorta excited about this event. The following from the UAR website took a little wind outta my sails:

Afterparty: Come one come all! You don't have to ride in the UAR to have all the fun. Come and join us for a beer starting at 11am (in most cities). All beer sales...

Sales? Sales?? Are we paying for the beer too, or is that just information for the throngs of tifosi?

Free beer = good
Beer in exchange for money = bad

Meh.

So check back Monday for the UAR race report. Big Worm has offered to wear the GoProHD camera, so perhaps I'll have some edited video for your viewing pleasure at some point so you can see what it's like to win the UAR Charlotte or be slightly inebriated at 12:30PM. Either way it's a victory.

Weir exposed!!!!!!!!

Yesterday Luis pointed something interesting out:

"Damn, Weir got a lot of pop from that, doesn't look like there's even a lip. Skills baby."

Now we all know I have ridden with Weir before (albeit for only something like 15 minutes). I know he's got mad skills, but I too was suspicious about the amount of air he was able to get fron such a small lip, one that hardly put any air under my tires at all.

All right, how about an absolute zero of air?

So I stared at the image of Weir for quite some time. I sent a copy of of the image to some old college friends who now work for Youngstown CSI for analysis. They said it had obviously been photo shopped, and they worked diligently through the night on reproducing the original image for me. I did my part by making some phone calls trying to dig up a scoop.

Apparently Mike Kuhn and Ray Adams (TSE promoters) were so desperate for Mark's approval and validation that they did everything they could to please him. Mark had complained that the race thus far had been a poor showcase for his talent, and that at the rate things were going it was going to be very hard for him to feel superior to his fellow riders (or more importantly, they feel inferior to him). They had to do something....

The night before the Mini-XC Stage they came up with a plan. They let Mark know there would be a great photo op for him the next day and that he'd be able to gap the paved road we'd be racing across. They even went so far as to warn the rest of us at the post-supper racers' meeting that only Weir would be able to gap the road (this is true).

Upon Weir's approach to the "gap" Ray and Mike sprayed down a clump of quick dissolving sudsing bubbles that formed into a very temporary, but effective ramp.

"We do the work, so Weir won't have to!!!"

Of course the sudsing ramp only lasted seconds and no other rider got to take advantage of the bubbly kicker. Once the photos hit the internet the great and all powerful Wilderness Trail Bikes leaned on the people of Facebook to replace the images with the doctored ones. Then they contacted Google and had them send a virus to anyone's computer that had posted photos thus destroying the original images.

That explains the cover up in full. If you don't hear from me tomorrow you know what probably happened.

That's all for today. Today is my day, and I'm going to enjoy the rest of it.

Things are not always as they seem

I have been made aware of the fact that recently Fatty was sporting one of my Dicky's Death March jerseys on his blog. It was a coupla days ago, and I woulda mentioned it earlier had I been able to read it for myself on my phone while I was at work, but Fatty's blog shows up as gray text on a gray background on my display making it impossible to read, forcing me to catch up on his activities when I get a chance to look at his blog from the comfort of my home. Anyways, if you are one of the three cyclists in the US and A who do not read Fatty's blog here it was you missed:

photo cred: Dave Nice

"I wear this jersey whenever I want to seem as cool as Rich Dillen. Which is to say, almost always.'

Notice he said "seem as cool"? While that is quite a high standard to live up to it must be comforting to know that for an expensive cup of coffee more than $70 you to can seem as cool as Rich Dillen too. I'm sorry that "seem" is the most you can hope for as opposed to actually being as cool as Rich Dillen.

I wear Fatty's jersey from time to time... depends on how cool I would like to seem on that given day. On the day of the ultra controversial Mini -XC's at the Trans Sylvania Stage Race I decided to wear my Fatty jersey so I could seem as cool as Fatty since we'd be doing a decent amount of hanging out with the elitist pro types (something Fatty does all the time) between stages, and I so desperately needed their validation and perhaps any schwag that might fall out of their pockets. I also thought that maybe wearing my Fatty jersey would give me super powers, the kinda powers that would enable me to gap the road on the final Mini-XC like my hero and validation supplier Mark Weir.

Unfortunately, while I was seeming quite cool, I was not able to harness any additional super powers from my designed and made in the US and A 100% polyester high performance cycling gear À la Fatty.

photo cred: Lauren AKA Mrs Fetus

Notice the lack of air under my tires. Also notice the non thrilled spectators who minutes before my arrival witnessed Mark Weir fly through the air looking more like a pilot than a cyclist. As I passed the the two non-impressed spectators on my left (your right) I heard one of them mutter as I rode by "Well, he certainly seemed cool, but there was just something amiss I daresay. Difficult to put a finger on... I just can't pinpoint what that would be exactly. I guess he seemed cool, and that's all that matters when you're that far back in the field."*

Some people would be thrilled to be mentioned on Fatty's blog. I thought it would be great for my numbers which would be awesome since I have to send hourly updates to all my sponsors regarding traffic flow, comments, autograph requests, and panties I receive in the mail. While there has been a slight uptick in digital numbers pertaining to site traffic, autograph requests are at a three week low.

May 30 - June 5th: 1 request
June 6 - June 12th: 1 request
June 13th - present: 0 requests

My sponsors are worried. Industry Nine called and asked me quite coyly "Do you still have the box we shipped your wheels in?" Backcountry Research sent me an email asking "Would you say your Awesome Straps are slightly used or very used... say if you were to be selling them on ebay?" I told them all not to worry. Everything currently seems cool, and seeming cool is half the battle (the other half oddly enough involves marshmallow fluff and ball bearings). That kept them quiet.


* Yes, it took me that long to pass them.

The early squirrel gets deez nutz

First a public service announcement (shenanigans later):

Raise your hands if you like to ride Squirrel Gap?

One, two... I can't see all your hands from here, but I think I felt a small breeze from the West. Most of you that have ridden Squirrel Gap know it is one of the bestest, most technicaliest trails in all of Pisgahland. I was trying to get some footage of the trail when I was competing in PMBAR 2010. If you watch the video I made you'll see that a few seconds after I turned onto Squirrel Gap the trail became so awesome it sucked all the power out of my camera.



While I was rolling around in Pennsylvania for a week and then working for four days and then at the beach for a long weekend a lot has been going on in terms of the fate of Squirrel Gap. Mike Brown (the Billy Zane of the Pisgah Area SORBA) contacted me and asked me to get the word out so more people could learn about the very possible changes that are going to take place if we don't speak up. This thread on MTBR has a lot of the relevant info, but the nutshell of it is that "the entire corridor of Squirrel Gap has been assigned for professional "maintenance" work... Importantly, the contract allows for the use of a 30" wide machine."

If you know what Squirrel is about then you know that a big machine will change it into something that isn't quite the Squirrel we love. I'm not gonna paraphrase any more of the thread as there is too much info you NEED to know if you want to be part of a solution (including the email addresses of some folks you should contact). Click over, read it thoroughly, form an opinion, think of something smart to say, and email away... or just let Squirrel Gap get turned into something we can call Squirrel Greenway (I'm being facetious here, but you get the point).

In other news...

It is officially unofficial:

The Bike Rumor Media Cup is on for the Breck Epic. This announcement somewhat makes my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types" somewhat something of a thing with the added zeal of pseudo substance. Tyler "Tool Bag" Benedict of Bike Rumor is in, Peter is as well, perhaps Ferrentino will be joining us... we shall see. The race within the race of all those racery types. I get the feeling you 'll be seeing some coverage on cyclingnews.com, perhaps just above the men's open elitist blather you're all sick of reading. There will be more info coming on this at some point, so please don't start calling your bookie to place bets yet as the major details have yet to be revealed.

Final TSE thoughts? Maybe....

What more could I possibly have to say about the Trans Sylvania Epic Stage Race?

How 'bout this?

TSE was the eighth stage race I've done since I did my first La Ruta in 2004. Almost every time I've ever done a stage race falling back into reality seems to be an issue for me. It's not really a problem, but I'm amazed at how my brain sees things after a week in the saddle, and it takes some getting used to... well that or reality just beats me back down into my hole* after awhile and life becomes normal again.

When I went back to work last week I felt like I was not fully engaged in the standard rigmarole that occurs during the period of time I spend not being in bed. Everything just seemed better; the smell of clean laundry, the taste of an organic toaster pastry, the vision of a butterfly fluttering out of my messenger bag in a building, or getting shit on by a bird while sitting on a bench. I swear people I don't know were smiling at me, and I assume it's because I'm wearing a shit eating grin that wasn't there the week before. One who might know me or think they know me might think I go around smiling all the time, but I tend to be like most people when I'm at work. Smiling normally only occurs when something humourous happens such as a coworker falling over or something catches on fire.

TSE was just the way a stage race was meant to be. I fell into the purposeful life of waking up to prepare for a ride, experiencing trails that knock my socks off, cleaning up, and getting ready for what the next day had to offer (insert beer into that order wherever needed). Mike and Ray did a fantastic job right outta the blocks, and I have no doubts that the 2011 TSE will be even better.

Will I be there in 2011? I never commit to anything a year out. I have no idea how much longer I'll want to do these kinda things, what new things will pop up every year, or how I'm even gonna pay for the ones I do end up doing. The world might fall apart, China may buy the US and A and force us to make things out of plastic for them, Facebook might just replace reality as we know it and the Matrix could be complete... who knows. What I do know is that you might wanna register early since TSE passed the first year litmus test, and I would imagine there's a good chance this event may sell out next year. C'mon, who wouldn't wanna ride with guys like these?

photo cred: Peter

Jake goes toot toot, Jedidiah Bisquick goes hunting for Buffalo Bill, everybody distances themselves from Mike to avoid catching his flatting disease, Weir and Cush share a tender moment while some guy I know I should know lurks in the background, Blake Harlan wonders if he could stow away in Weir's trucker hat and live there forever, Evan wonders if he could make a mini skirt outta Brandon's smallish epidermal layer, and Brandon wonders if he should put the lotion on his skin as he was told.


* I use the term "hole" rather loosely. I have a great life, but after doing the same job for over 13 years for 45 hours a week I think I have earned the right to call it a "hole".

Winning isn't everything

But it certainly is a lot closer to "everything" than second. Honestly it just plains blows third outta the water, and unless your Dave "Fourth Place" Cormier it makes fourth look like dog poop. I'm not talking about bike racing of course, where I find any place that finds me at the finish line ahead of half the field acceptable. I'm talking about contests... more specifically winning contests.

I know what you're thinking. "Doesn't Dicky win some major contest every year?" Well, the answer is no... sort of. I did win the 2006 Race Face Ultimate XC Challenge in 2006 and get the chance to represent Race Face alongside The Wonderboy at the 2006 Trans Rockies with the help of your votes. In 2007 I was selected for the Santa Cruz Hell Ride and given the chance to ride with Mark Weir in Downieville and win a Santa Cruz Nomad. No doubt Mike Ferrentino (Santa Cruz wise guy and much-better-writer-than-me for Bike magazine) selected me since so many of you read my highly influential blog, thus I do owe that success to you, my readers. Just last year I won the Breck Epic Blogger's Grant and got a free entry into the Breck Epic thanks to your support and votes. Notice anything?

I did not win anything in 2008. Zero, nada, zilch. There was a contest that I tried to win, but I failed. Tomi and I tried to get into the BC Bike Race on the premise of riding seven days of BC singletrack rife with North Shore structures on fixed gears. We were not selected. Who was? I have no idea either, as they must have been quite boring and didn't bother to share their experience with the class.

That's what's important here. I think that the more blog readers that vote for me the better the odds the celebrity panel will know who the true winner is without tossing dice or drawing straws (which happens to be how Canadianicans pick their political leaders). The mostest important thing is that if you vote for me AND THEY SELECT ME I will come home with a week's worth of blog fodder and a whole bunch of video to edit of me and Stabby riding lift assisted trails for a week to ten days. If I win you will be entertained. If not I will spend that week of blogging discussing what's in the two blue bins under my bike rack that sits across from my desk at Bad Idea Racing Headquarters. The actual winner of the contest might end up going to BC, riding for ten days, take Polaroids, write in a journal, and then put the photos and journal in a time capsule which contents may never to be seen by our generation. Sad, isn't it?

Some of you might be thinking "The Dick, riding in a bike park? WTF mate?" Some of you will recall that before my blog days I had an infatuation with Death Bikes. I owned a Santa Cruz Bullit the first year they were available. My addiction grew as time went by and eventually I was riding a 42lb Craftworks FRM125 with a 7lb Marzocchi Z150 fjork.

Who hucks the gnar? Dick hucks (hucked) the gnar, fool.

What about Stabby? I have him to blame for that whole phase of my life. When I first saw him on his Rocky Mountain Pipeline complete with its wicked Dia Compe cable actuated disc brakes (we're talking late 90's here, so give him a break) I was hooked. I dropped his bike off a three foot camping pad at Tsali, grabbed my AMP Rsearch B4, dropped it, broke it, bought a ti frame, got bored quickly, saw the two page add for the Bullit, and thus began my free ride infatuation. Stabby was the inspiration for it all, and we've had plenty of great times pushing our own personal limits together (it wasn't as gay as it sounds).

Does Stabby have the skills to take advantage of a trip to BC?

I should think so. Stabby's got some booster boots.

Yes, it's been years since we've done some of the more stupid things we used to do, but a few days of riding lifts, shredding the gnar, and sipping Kokanees should shake out the cobwebs. No, I will not be riding the Meatplow or the Death Stick. We'll get the rental bikes that are included in the prize package, and we shall ride them as one drives a rental car, with absolute reckless abandon and no concern for personal safety.

Go check out my entry into the contest. If you are an avid reader here you will not be disappointed. There are plenty of spelling errors and enough grammar issues to merit a C+ in a junior high English class. I assure you that upon my triumphant return from BC you can expect more of the same quality reading.

So vote for me... and essentially Stabby. I could try to win you over by saying that Stabby was in my pits at many 12/24 hour races (including my win at the 2006 24 Solo Single Speed World Championship... VICTORY!!!), but I'm not gonna get all sappy and try to guilt you into voting (see how I snuck that in there??). Yes, the voting is on Facebook... whatever. I am aware that Facebook will eventually replace going outside and doing things, but as I learned in Terminator 3 you can't deny the inevitable future of Judgment Day.

You can vote once a day, and the voting portion of the contest is over Monday. What I ask of you is that you vote one vote each day until Monday for a total of three votes. I got a late start on this contest, and I need to crush all comers with an onslaught of angry blog fans. I encourage you to join an angry mob. It can be a lot of fun.

Don't forget, you can leave a comment of high praise when you vote and you can share your vote with your facefriends encouraging them to join the angry mob. Misery loves company, mobs like to be more mobbier.

In the words of the Violent Femmes...

Vote mother fuckers, vote.

More TSE stuff to come next week.

An interruption in our regularly scheduled programming....

I'll get to stage seven of the Trans Sylvania Epic in a moment, but first I must let you in on what you need to do this morning and every morning until Monday. I entered a contest, but I entered it kinda late in the game. There is some voting going on, but the voting is not to decide a winner as much as it is a way to sort through the masses and determine a top ten before a celebrity panel of judges selects a winner. What's the contest?

I've tried to win this thing for the last three years, and I want it kinda bad. What could I win?

Ultimate Summer of FREE Ride Prize Pack:

1 grand prize winner will receive:

• Seasons pass at each resort (Whistler MountainBike Park, Sun Peaks Resort, Silver Star, Fernie, Mount Washington Bike Park)
• 2 day passes at each park for a friend to use
• 2 nights accommodation at each resort
• 2 day bike rental at each resort for winner and friend (if required)
• ½ day guide at each resort
• $1000 travel allowance

This is what I would plan to do. Stabby and I would fly up to BC, rent a car, use up the day passes at each park, ride with the guide and tell him he needs to get a single speed, ride rental bike they were rentals, watch the Spice channel in the hotel rooms, and blow the mad money on Kokanees and moose steak.

How do you vote for me? Go here on facebook (you have to be a faceperson) and vote for "I Can't Quit You". You can vote once a day, and I suggest you vote daily until Monday since I'm getting such a late start (the voting ends Monday, and some folks have had their entries up for weeks). Once you help me dominate the polls hopefully the panel of judges (a knowledgeable bunch including Cam McRae, Darcy Turrene, and other folks that need to be impressed) will select me from the top ten vote getters. You may leave a comment when you vote, might I suggest something like "Dicky is the shit" or "Dicky hucks the gnar like a bear wears a funny hat." Once again I remind you that you can vote every day until Monday.

Of course I promise to blog the whole trip and take video while I'm there which will be edited upon my return and accompanied by a tasteless soundtrack for your viewing pleasure.

And now on to the last stage of the TSE...

With our rankings established the single speeders decided to ride together the whole stage together. Of course 5/6 of the SS field were staying at the Eagle Lodge and on the same wave, but after we got "El Patron" Greg Martin on board it was official.

Dave "Fourth Place" Cormier doesn't want anyone else to have to see my ballsack.

Luckily for us Greg was a leader in every sense. He went out on an early morning beer run and showed up to the start line with nearly 30 cans of beer in his pack. Some of the SS'ers helped lighten his load before the start, but I had to admit that I was still feeling the effects of the previous evening so I declined. I'm not a "hair of the dog" kinda guy.

We headed out at the rear of the field in no particular hurry. About five minutes into the stage we stopped for a beer. We were enjoying ourselves immensely when the rear moto pulled up and let us know he was pulling the arrows behind us. Not wanting to ruin his day we pushed the remaining beer in our half empty cans down our throats and moved on.

The party pace soldiered on with some jocularity and mayhem until we reached the only somewhat significant climb of the day, at which we dismounted and broke out more beer. We walked most of the climb and stayed outta the way of the moto. Once the climb was over we made haste to the checkpoint... and another beer.

After the checkpoint I did what I could to keep the rolling party moving. FitChick had already crushed me, but my substantial lead over Cush was dwindling while we farted around in the woods. Would I stay ahead of my media rival? Who knows... I didn't bother to wear a watch or check the gap the night before.

We (Greg, Doug, and I) decided to sit back (drink a beer) and watch Tanya, Peter, and Dave sort out the finish. We were hoping for a mad sprint around the camp lake, but they decided to finish in reverse order of the GC. In an attempt to follow suit Greg and Doug suggested I cross the line next. I was not down with this idea, and I decided I wanted to fight for DFL on the day.

As soon as I got to the line I stopped dead and started a track stand. Doug slammed on his brakes and joined me while an inattentive Greg, not expecting the Spanish Inquisition, ran into the back of Doug in a most dramatic fashion. Here is what followed:

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt

So despite my best efforts Imanaged to take fourth place for stage seven, but only because of that meddling teenager Dave "Fourth Place" Cormier. Whatever. Here's the new and improved podium shot for stage seven:

The rest of the day/night was fanatastic. While I did essentially "lose" to Cushionbury at the end of the day it had a lot to do with the fact that I spent twice as much time out "enjoying" the course on the last day. Overall loss, but moral victory!! Suck it Cush. As far as the rest of the evening goes.. beers were drank, bad things happened, slingshots were fired into the dark, fires built, fun was poked, and Rebecca Rusch and I never got around to the staring contest, but we are now compatriots and amiable towards each other.

Best part of the evening?? Well I'll give you the second best part:

While the more seasoned stage race veterans eased their way from the end of the last stage to the after party, some folks hit it pretty hard.

Greg was staying over at the Rimmey Lodge (named Rim Job by its inhabitants) with the WTB folks/Rodale media elite. The party that started for Greg at 10:45AM never ended, and he showed up for the banquet looking a little worse for Weir. He was sitting there calmly waiting for his steak and shrimp to arrive looking like his evening was over when he stood up unexpectedly and exclaimed "Fuck this shit. I'm getting some salad!" That my friends is a moment in time worth seven days of hard racing.

More TSE tomorrow, but for now GO VOTE FOR ME. I am the shit. Who's got booster boots?

I do.

Once again most of the non-professional type images courtesy of Peter "My worst sponsor" Keiller. Perhaps tomorrow I will treat you to some of Peter's photo shop handiwork from the TSE... perhaps.

GO VOTE FOR ME NOW!!!

Jedidiah Bisquick did, so should you.