So long, farewell, a Billy Zane goodbye (part II)

I know I used it before, but I just like a bald Billy Zane that much.

So with one day to go before I leave for the Trans Sylvania Epic I'm not too worried. This calm feeling I have is unsettling since I'm normally a bit of a wreck heading into a stage race, so being overwhelmed with serenity makes me nervous. I wondered if the pros have similar feelings, so I went fishing for answers.

Rebecca Rusch seems to be fully prepared. She's been talking to her coach, and he has her on the track to success. My coach is a three inch bobble head representation of a retired baseball player with a strong Judas Priest influence, so I don't feel like talking to him will make much of a difference.

"Rock hard, ride free. All day, all night."

I thought to myself, "Self, who's the most pro'iest pro I know?"

Ahhh, of course.... Jeremiah Bisquick. Wonder what he's up to.

A click and a scan over at JB.com reveals that Jeremiah's just thinking about packing. He's so pro he has a pro level "World Traveler's Stage Race Packing List".

This is what it takes to make it to the big leagues; a good coach and a packing list. I perused Jeremiah's list to see if perhaps we packed similar things. One of the most amazing things is that Jeremiah only has three sub categories; The Basics, Personal, and Clothing. Apparently he doesn't have to bring bike parts or a even a bike as Cannondale just drop ships new equipment to him for race day use. What does he bring?

This seems a bit decadent in my book for a stage race, but I guess he would look silly smoking his pipe in his boxers.

This is actually pretty smart. I don't speak Amish, so I probably won't venture out into the PA countryside a whole lot. I know there's a world of quaint shops in the area selling cheese, furniture, and androgynous corn husk dolls, but I've heard they're a scheisty bunch, so I'll probably stay close to camp in my spare time.

All I can say is "I told you so."

Perhaps this is something that all pro level travelers should carry, sorta like towels in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I have another theory. Perhaps Jeremiah packs a bandana for more heinous reasons. I know I might be stretching it a little thin here, but perhaps he finances his season of racing by robbing banks all summer Point Break'esque style.

"I know Dicky. I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth. But, not this time. "

Best beef up the security at the State College Credit Union and Farmer's Market.

While I am gone over the next week keep sending in your entries for the Twin Six Jersey Contest. All the details are here in this post, so I'm not gonna waste time (mine and yours) reposting them here. Take five minutes, embarrass yourself asking your significant other to take a photo of you, and win a jersey or a pack of Awesome.

I'm off on my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types". Will I crush Cush? Will I make the Fit Chick seem less than fit? Will I destroy Peter or pull Peter the whole way ("pulling Peter" apparently means something in Amish speak)? I see Jasen Thorpe's name on the start list, but since I think he left the magazine industry to chase his dream of being a child starlet I'm not counting him in the running. Will I defeat Grig in my actual category for the title of strongest 24 Hour Single Speed World Champ in a Stage Race?

We shall see. Hopefully the regrowing of my moustache just for this race will not be in vain. It just seems like if my moustache gets more press than Grig I need to try to harness its awesome folicular powers.

Perhaps I'll post from the road, but if not check out Peter's blog for all the facts (that would be the antithesis of all Peter speak).

Rule change and more TSE

You speak, I listen. I'm gonna bend my own rules. Although I will still not be allowing jerseys from other manufacturers such as Rapha, Pearlizumi, Giordana, and other non Twin Six companies to enter my contest, I will give in to the demands to allow Twin Six t-shirts. Some folks have even gone further than just demand t-shirts be included, they've gone ahead and just sent the images anyways. So take a picture of yourself doing something totally unrelated to cycling in your Twin Six gear, send it to me at teamdicky at hotmail dot com, and you'll have a chance to win a Twin Six jersey of your choice or a three way Whammer Deal (one of each kind) from Backcountry Research, makers of Awesome Straps. These prizes are valued at 39,877.50 colones and 13,292.50 colones respectively, so we're not talking small boiled potatoes here.

Time for some more Trans Sylvania Epic prerace jibber jabber...

Another day, another threatening email from Peter.

Good afternoon Team Dickface.

I have been pretty quiet of late on the actual factuals of your impending destruction at Trans-Sylvestite.

The insults and threats start pretty early on this one. I got up from my chair and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge before I continued reading on.

First.

Dicky meet Tanya. Tanya was a long time fan of yours. Then she met me and I educated her more better.

http://theveganvagabond.blogspot.com/

Of course you remember Marc and Kim from that time at Clay's farm.

You remember because you can't drink.

They do not blog.

They are more powerful than the internet.

Being reminded that I can't drink I held the bottle to my lips, but kept them pursed so as to only allow a trickle of that nasty devil's juice to get into my system.

Second.

The plan is simple. At the first Tribal council we will create an alliance with Rebecca Rusch and the Fit lady and whom-ever else you've been sucking up to, and vote you out.

Way out.

In the event that you are able to muster the support of that hair product ego maniac Thurston Bishop the 3rd we shall move to Operation Castration AKA: Dicky removal.

Apparently Peter hit himself on the head a little harder than I originally fjeared. He has the TSE confused with a popular reality show known as Survivor as opposed to the show that it's really based on, The Duggars.

Two Mennonite looking adult figures try to keep a lid on their crazy life while 19 immature people reek havoc and misbehave much to their chagrin.

Okay, maybe the number of racers is slightly more than 19... there's actually more than fifty of us signed up for the first edition of the race, but sometimes people are a little worried about being first year guinea pigs for a stage race. Anybody remember the pleasantries that the inaugural Intermontane Challenge served up for the unsuspecting racers last year? No doubt Ray and Mike (the Mennonite couple above) have their bases covered since they've been doing this race promotion thing for almost as long as they've had running water and electricity in their Pennsylvania shacks. I trust that they will make this a pleasant experience, and hopefully they'll be able to handle all of Peter's whiny, bitchy needs throughout the course of the week... or else we'll have to hear about it on his blog for months until the Breck Epic.

Wanna know all you can know about the Trans Sylvania Epic without looking at the actual website? There's a preview of the race in the latest issue of XXCmag (SHIT, Jason busted my mistake early this morning... the preview was in issue #6 not issue #7 of XXCMag. Read them both anyways, or just read the preview here, be impressed, and sign up for a lifetime subscription.) During the race you can check out cyclingdirt.org for some coverage (which usually means there will be daily video of Jeremiah Bisquick, all Bisquick, all the Bistime). There will also be coverage on MTBRacenews, Cush will be making excuses for his poor performance on mountainbike.com, and FitChick will be doing her best to dissassociate herself from Cush during the race over at Bicycling.com. I'm not spending my time this morning linking all those interesting sites and less interesting people. Look 'em up for yourselves.

Although I now own a laptop thanks to the lightning strike that hit my house and a week's pay I didn't need, I still don't think I wanna blog while I'm at the race. I'm under no contractual agreement to blog like I was at the Breck Epic last year, so I think I'd rather not spend my time in PA in front of my laptop when I could be out sampling Amish cheeses and drinking bathtub gin with Peter. Stage racing is an awesome escape from reality and the normal day to day, so I may just focus on the task of having fun and and riding as opposed to posting daily race reports. That can wait till I get back. There may be an update or two, but don't count on it.

LATE EDIT: Click over to Cyclingdirt.org to watch a Jeremiah Bisquick-free video preview of Stage 6 of the TSE.

Contestuality

I want more photo entries for the Twin Six jersey contest, and I would like them now. I don't want a bunch to show up in my inbox while I'm at the Trans Sylvania Epic next week distracting me from making friends with Rebecca... I mean making great bike race. I'll be accepting them while I'm in PA, but I just won't have as much time to consult my judge (The Pie). To sweeten the deal I am offering up a second place prize which consists of one Awesome Strap, one Back Forty Strap, and one Alpha Niner Strap... basically the old skool Whammer deal. All I need from you is an image of your torso wearing a Twin Six jersey while doing something unrelated to cycling. Pocket use could be key, and sadly as of yet I've received ZERO entries from female readers using the Liz Hatch fit method. I know a bunch of you just got a DDM jersey, so let's get with the pointing and the shooting. Five minutes of effort in exchange for everlasting glory and a free jersey... sounds like a sweet deal. Please send your images to teamdicky at hotmail dot com.

On to other things...

You may remember that back in April I found out that I was one of The Top Fifty Most Influential Cycling Blogs in the world. This was determined through intensive application of the scientific method and enthusiastically serious number crunching. Since there was no pot of gold at the end of the Influentiality Rainbow I am glad I was able to achieve such a high ranking without actually having to put in any extra effort. There is a good chance that I will slip down in future rankings as several others have since opened up Twitter and Facebook accounts for their blogs. This is just something I don't wanna do since this blog is a big enough time suck as it is right now without adding seven more layers to my social media cake. Trying to win a popularity contest in order to be deemed "Most Popular" is pointless, but when it comes to winning schwag I say "Game on." If I'm gonna ask people to vote for me there's gonna have to be more than intrinsic ego inflating value on the line.

Which brings up the Breck Epic Bloggers Contest (yes, just like your grandma, it's on Facebook). You may notice that Big Worm is listed among the entrants. Being that we've been close friends for thirteen or so years I woulda suggested that you vote for him, but he actually asked to be dropped out of the running months ago due to a conflict. I do have a few other horses in this race though, so do considering voting for them. Stephen "Private Sticky" Janes is the closest thing to a "local boy" in the running, Fixie Dave "Sweat Jiggles" Nice sure would be neat to hang out with for a week or so, and Thom "Rocky Donizetti" Parsons can keep me company on the dance floor, assuming we can find a dance floor in Breckenridge. The top four vote getters will win a free entry to the Breck Epic, but this year you can only vote for one (unlike last year's voting boondoggle), so choose wisely.

I know you want to vote for me, but alas rules have been put in place to keep me from entering the contest (and crushing everybody) again. No worries since I plan on being in Breck anyways. If I can find some other contest that needs your vote in order to win you'll be the first to know.

Coincidences and impossible things

Last Thursday Lance Armstrong was so flabbergasted by the accusations leveled at him from the Floydgate blackmail/drug scandal that he purposely landed on his face in order to abandon the Tour of California allowing him to get away and avoid all the conflict.

Friday I got an email from Peter titled Declaration of War. It started like this:

Please be advised that actions have been taken on this the Twenty First Day of May that will undoubtedly cause you great pain and inconvenience.

and followed with some of this:

Fact. I influence more people through fear, physical destruction and black paint then you EVER could with your svelte sexy man-frame and inked electronic pencil device.

These are pretty serious words from a man who thinks Serious is just the name of his favorite actor.

A few days later I find out that this attempt at high level cycling extortion has turned out to be a mirror image of the much more media friendly Lance VS Floyd debacle. Peter, wanting to avoid the backlash and media circus at The Trans Sylvania Epic that was sure to happen, took a page outta Lance's book and decided to crash on his face as well.

Peter should take his self portraits with his pants on since his glowing penis wreaks havoc with the exposure.

Will Peter make it to the race? Will Cyclingnews.com cover this story as in depth as they did Floydgate, or are they part of the cover-up machine that's trying to keep the dirty underbelly of the professional mountain bike stage race world under wraps? Will Greg Lemond testify that Peter has been prank calling him for last six months and asking him if he has Prince Albert in a can? Only time will tell... since cyclingnews.com is spending more time finding out which hair care products Jeremiah Bisquick uses as opposed to doing any actual reporting we may never know.

Nobody wants to read about all that drama and skullduggery. Let's get back to pre-race coverage.

The Pie, Fajita, and I went to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday. Yes. it's still playing in theaters... the ones that charge $2.50 per person. Anyways, the whole movie was pretty boring, but the dark images stuck with me. That night I dreamed a most wicked dream, another pre-race jitters entwined nightmare. Mark Weir was a white rabbit in a tiny waistcoat, Selene Yeager was the Queen of Hearts, Harlan Price was Absalom, but the weirdest one of all was the Mad Cushionhatter.

He asked me if I've ever believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. I'm not sure why I would bother, but since the Mad Cushionhatter stressed how important it is to stretch my imagination I thought I'd give it a whirl.

I'm going to weigh less than 130lbs before Saturday. This would mean I would need to consume around 5 calories a day between now and then while burning somewhere in the neighborhood of 5,255 calories a day during the same time. I think that equates to eating one peanut M&M and riding ten hours a day. I'll get on that tomorrow.

I will abstain from drinking beer for the duration of the race. Given the company I'll be in I don't think this is possible. This is like hanging out with a friendly skunk all day and not smelling a little funny when you get home. It just can't be done, and if you tried it you'd just have a boring day with a skunk.

I will not challenge Fit Chick to a wrestling match. Given that impossible thing #2 will probably not happen I have to concede this one as well. Sorry Selene "The Machine" Yeager... you're going down.

I will keep Peter under control during and after the post race party. Unlike our experience at Breck Epic last year I will keep Peter from walking around screaming at the local townspeople to "Fuck off!" Since everybody in Pennsylvania owns at least seven hunting rifles I might just have to bring a pocket full of horse tranquilizers to make this impossibility possible.

I will win the whole race on the first day. Perhaps if I go all out on the first day Greg "Grig" Martin will have no choice but to lay down and quit. His acting career has kept him quite busy, so perhaps his training has been slack enough to allow this to happen.

"Hey Grig, does Rebecca have any sisters?"

I will get Rebecca Rusch to like me. Perhaps she'll be endeared to me when I tell her about The Pie and I adopting Fajita, or maybe her cold, hard shell will melt when I mention all the animals we've fostered in our house, or I guess I could memorize a bunch of "What's grosser than gross" jokes to tell her and quote Monty Python's Holy Grail in her presence as much as possible. Chicks dig that kinda stuff... almost as much as they like being called "chicks". Maybe I will win her positive affections with gifts of Awesome Straps and Twin Six schwag... Ahhhh, it's hopeless. She'll never like me.

Major Award

I'll admit it. I stayed up till 11:35PM last night watching the final episode of LOST.

Between being up at 5:00AM to volunteer at the local race and staying up late to cap off some 120 total hours wasted in front of a TV dedicated to one show means that this morning I'm rather tired. I can't say that going into details about my volunteer experience yesterday would be terribly exciting anyways. Probably the most thrilling thing all day was watching the single speed class go off (without me). Leyonce popped his chain off in the mad dash to get to the woods first, fell down, took out another rider, and got run over.

Tire tracks all across your back.

I can see you had your fun.

Saturday I got a package full of happy from Twin Six.

The Pie is pleased to show her support at the local grocery store and PTA meetings.

And of course I got my very own DDM jersey.

This is a poor photo of the jersey. I can make no apologies. Taking photos at night is hardly ideal when using the not quite up to snuff camera I found in the street, and The Pie tired quickly of watching me roll around in circles in my new racing togs. Think you could do better? Read on to the end for some contest details.

Who's got booster boots?

I got booster boots.

Pro riders, I mean the REALLY pro riders always break out the fancy duds for time trials, prologues, and special events. The best example of course would be Super Mario.

Now while I'm not quite a pro rider, I do play one on the internet. I'm quite aware of the fact that looking intimidating at a time trial is half the battle, and I'm thinking the white kit will get some use intimidating the hell outta some riders at the Trans Sylvania, Tour de Burg, and the Breck Epic this year. I'm thinking somewhere in the range of a 2-3 minute advantage over a ten mile time trial course.

And now, the contest.

Since I suck at photos and perhaps you think you can do better here's what I'm thinking... I want you to send me photos of yourself doing something totally unrelated to cycling while wearing your Twin Six jersey, any Twin Six jersey. Humor will be vastly appreciated, inappropriate use of the pockets could be key, and photos of the Liz Hatch fit method will certainly be taken into consideration. As long as whatever you are doing is totally unrelated to cycling it will be allowed.

What can you win? Twin Six has graciously allowed me to offer up any jersey from Twin Six you would like in any size (as long as it's in stock) as a GRAND PRIZE. I would highly reccomend a DDM jersey, but that is entirely up to you. This will be the first place prize, and as of yet there is no second place prize and a third place prize is right out. Once again (as in previous contests) The Pie will be judging the contest to keep it legit since I am terribly biased and would reward the first Liz Hatch type photo that showed up in my inbox.

The contest period duration will be close to two weeks. Since I'm leaving for the Trans Sylvania Epic in five days I'll be accepting photos until June 6th, at which point I will walk in the door from my long drive back from PA, turn on my computer, open up my emails, and demand that The Pie pick a winner.

Send your photos to: teamdicky at hotmail dot com.

All worthy entries will be used on the blog and that's about that.

Like rain on my wedding day

Yes, that is how it happened.

Meh.

After writing Wednesday's post I had some time to reflect on the "Not Training" training program. I have some theories about the whole thing, but I won't bore you with all the details. Let's just say that over the past few years I rode a lot of what the more serious cyclists would call "junk miles". Going out for an hour or two before work every day and just riding around did little more than just make me tired, sweaty, and that much more smelly at work. I think the new game plan is to rely on the residual and incidental fitness I have from riding my bike 5-7 days a week for the last fourteen or so years. Beyond that I have no desire to try anything else this year... call it an experiment of sorts.

I did actually (attempt to) read a fitness column recently. I was hoping there was an easy answer like "Eat more beets" or "ride less, drink more, blog constantly", but this column was written by someone a little smarter than that. Alison Dunlap is an athlete of the highest caliber, so when she speaks I listen... if only for a little bit. Recently in her Coach's Column on Mountain Bike Race News she answered this question:

Question: I am a good climber but I have a hard time holding people off on the flats and open road sections. How do I get faster and more powerful on the flats?

I have to admit I felt like I could relate to this rider's predicament. Being that I am not a very powerful rider and I tend to get crushed on anything that doesn't have an elevation profile that looks like an EKG I took an immediate interest. I started to read the article, but after the third paragraph it started to sound like one of those kinda posts from days of yore over on Dave and Lynda's blog, kinda like some secret alien code that only the fellow aliens that are hiding amongst us waiting for activation can understand. I gave up. I just can't read about zones, thresholds, Vo2, intervals, or something silly called "recovery". I just can't pretend that I would change what I'm doing in the name of performance, especially if it means I have to upgrade my vocabulary.

I've got some advice for this particular rider. If I were writing my "Fit Dick" column (that is still being pitched to the major publications) I would suggest that the rider only do races with lots of climbing and skip the ones with a bunch of flats. I guess another solution would be to take the climbing races seriously and if he/she felt compelled to do the flatter races just don't feel bad if you drink too much the night before because you were going to suck anyways. That's what Fit Dick would do.

This weekend will not be all about me for a change. I'll be volunteering at the 2010 Catawba Riverfront Classic Race. This is a big fundraiser for our local club, and since I've been lame on the trail building/maintenance front I'm going to try to absolve myself of some of this karmic guilt. Well, maybe only some of my guilt since I'll only be helping with set-up and registration from 6:00am t0 10:30am, and then I get to be an "on the bike" course marshal for three hours which sounds a lot like a bike ride to me. If you ain't racing this weekend, and you think you wanna help the Tarheel Trailblazers do their thang contact Neal Boyd (nealboyd@charlottesportscycling.com or 704.503.0138)) and let him know you'd rather handle a pen and some safety pins rather than a pulaski this weekend. Much appreciated.

It's business time

I now have less than two weeks to focus on one of the bigger events I'll be doing this year...

I feel good enough to make an attempt at this race, even if it is claiming that it is, "The Longest Mountain Bike Stage Race in the US of A", not to be confused with the US and A even if it's the same thing. We'll be covering over 200 miles of Central PA terrain in less seven days, an area littered with rocks left over by giant glaciers millions of years ago. Although I am excited as a little school girl I find myself in an interesting place at this time of my life, a place I haven't been in some time.

My weight is at least five pounds heavier than it has been in the last ten years or so in mid May. That would have a lot to do with the fact that I have cut back on my early morning riding quite significantly while increasing my regular beer portions on the home front. This has a lot to do with the fact that I am no longer in the mood to get up even earlier than I already do just to ride around the urban landscape that is Charlotte, and it certainly doesn't help that over the winter I discovered that I really like GOOD beer. The good news is that my mental game is pretty keyed up, and I feel quite fresh... albeit only from a mental standpoint.

I'm pretty stoked about the idea of driving to a stage race as opposed to flying with a bike case, a 50lb duffel, and a carry-on. I'm having a hard time figuring out just what I might take with me. Spare bike? Sure, a spare bike means a spare everything a bike needs. Losta fresh clothing? Sure, if there's no weight limit on my bag why not bring everything I own and figure out what I'm wearing when I get there. Air compressor? I sleep better at night knowing it's in the next room when I'm at home, so perhaps I should throw it in the car as well. Road bike? That would be silly.

Having a spare bike will present a bit of a conundrum. Stage five was originally announced to be somewhere in the neighborhood of five Super D races in one day. The Death Stick would be quite the proficient descender now that I have the proper spring from the guys at Suspension Experts. The Death Stick only weighs @ five pounds more than the Meatplow, and it does sport 5" of rock gobbling travel with a slightly more stable geometry and high bottom bracket for bashing into things. It would feel like cheating, but then again I think that given my current physical condition I deserve a little leeway. The stage description has been changed though, from "multiple Super D's" to "3-4 mini XC's", so I might have to reassess the situation on site. No matter what ends up happening I will use every advantage I can scrounge up. I mean shit, I gotta race against TWO TIME 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Champ and Rebecca Rusch boy toy Greg Martin.

Sharp looking fellow, eh? Rebecca must have high standards. Anyways, the only times I think I've actually been on the same course with Greg would have been the SSWC08 and some moments out on the Dirt, Sweat, and Gears Mudfest of 2009 trails in the early deluge. I look forward to hanging out with him, even if I have a stupid reason. Not only do I plan on finding out how exactly one lands a quality beer sponsor the real exciting reason is that I've never known a Greg, and since I'm a fan of Flight of the Conchords I can't wait to refer to Greg as Grig (that's New Zealand'esque for Greg).

I'll have my fun (unless Rebecca tells me to leave Grig alone).

They're here...

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Uwharrie Rumble Race Report

When I pulled into the parking lot at 6:37 AM on Saturday I thought that maybe I got the date wrong. Registration started at 6:30AM, and there was only one other car in the lot. I collected my stuff together and rolled down the road to the start finish area.

I was there on the right day, but what I feared would happen did happen. There is a glut of mountain bike events in NC in the month of May; PMBAR, Grind on the Greenway, The Catawba Riverfront Classic, 12 Hrs of Tsali, The Burn 24 Hr Challenge... not a bad thing for racers, but definitely a tough time to introduce a new race. With the Grind just last week the large local talent pool of the usual suspects might have got their fill of racing or they might be saving something for The Burn. It was more than likely that the field for the Uwharrie Rumble 6/12 race was gonna be thinned as a result .

The SS class only had three riders. I didn't recognize any of the names, but that meant nothing. I can still remember ORAMM 2008 when an unassuming looking John Brenner finished only one minute behind me on his Karate Monkey teaching me to never discount anyone (especially since he stomped me less than a month later at the Fool's Gold Hundred). The only person I readily recognized was Andreas Raab from Bicycle Sport, a large man who has raced road bikes internationally and sports the legs of a race horse.

Here's Andreas putting the wood to me on a road ride a few years ago:

photo cred: Big Worm

Andreas was there with his teammate Brent to race the 12 hour duo, and they only had one other team in their class. This was shaping up to be a lonely day in the woods, especially since I left my iPod on the charger at home. Yes, I realize the irony of the situation considering my latest article in Dirt Rag concerning iPod use while racing.... anyways...

We lined up for the 8:00AM start, and with a thank you from the promoters for showing up, we were off. Andreas hammered at the front and was gone in minutes. There was a definite split amongst the field, those who were "racing" and those who were riding. I found myself spun out on the gravel road at the back of those who were "racing".

Once we got off the double track and hit the real singletrack around 3.5 miles into the 8.52 mile course I found Andreas standing over at the side of the trail working on a flat. I asked him if he needed anything, and he said "Yes, everything". So I found myself thinking about whether or not I wanted to hand over my $8 ultra lite tube, Air Chuck SL inflator, 25 gram CO2, tire levers, and 18 year old Giro chain tool all wrapped up in my Awesome Strap to this experienced racer and bike shop employee who still runs the Oliver's YesTubes system. Of course the right thing to do was to hand it over, but I couldn't help thinking about the situation I would put myself in. I had another fully prepacked Awesome Strap in my pit, but I gave Andreas my only inflator. I flashed back to the rash decision I had made earlier that morning when I decided I didn't wanna carry the extra weight of my Mountain Pipe mini-pump/inflator that was tucked up nice and tidy next to my water bottle. I may end up running the rest of the race with no chain tool and no inflator, which would be ironic since Genuine Innovations is one of my "Dick Supporters."

In a big race I'd be less worried about being without emergency supplies. There are more racers to lean on if you have to, and I may or may not be shooting for a podium. At this race the Peter Principle was in full effect. The Peter Principle states that when the number of racers is less than or equal to the number of spots on the podium you stand a fair chance at making said podium. Call me shallow, but getting one in the "W" column always feels good no matter the size of the field. Risking a shot at the top spot stung a little bit, but knowing that Andreas would do the same for me (assuming he carried stuff or hadn't lost his pump) meant that there was no other choice.

I left him there with all my stuff, and after some careful descending I got back to the pits. I strapped on my spare preloaded Awesome Strap and borrowed an inflator from Andreas's teammate Brent. From that point on I just kept my head down, watched the clock, maintained my nutritional needs, and just rode my bike. At some point I was pretty sure I was ahead of the entire field. I was pretty happy with the fact that my legs felt fresh, and even though my iPod wasn't providing a soundtrack for my ride I was able to sing to myself when I could actually breathe.

When I came through after my sixth lap I decided to check the current results. I had time for two more laps if I maintained my pace, or I could back off and just finish my seventh lap after the 1:15PM cutoff time. One SS rider had broken his headset and had to quit (I'd actually seen him walking on the trail and knew this already), and the other SS'er was laps behind me in the standings. I coulda stopped there, but I promised myself I'd go till they told me to stop to redeem myself from my stupidity at the Six Hours of Warrior Creek in April. I went out for one more lap at a relaxed'esque pace wanting to make sure that if I was gonna win I would earn it.

When I finished my seventh lap with twenty seconds still to go on the clock to go back out for an eighth lap I crossed the line in 1st place SS, 1st place solo male, and 1st place over all the six hour teams. I talked to the promoters after the race and thanked them for putting on a great event. I also asked them about the possibility of moving the date up to the month of May in 2011 since there's usually a lot less going on in the area then, and the trails in Uwharrie hold up to rain which is a lot more likely to happen in May. They were more hemmed in on the dates this year, but they said they would look into it for next year.

I only mention my conversation with the promoters for what I feel is a good reason. The trails in Uwharrie are quite different than you normally see at a typical Southeast 6/12 hour event. There are extended climbs and long, kidney rattling descents that you just don't find in the average municipal park setting. The race has sooooo much potential, but more people are going to have to show up to keep it alive. Like the Six Hours of Warrior Creek (a totally different type of trail entirely) I was never bored during the race, and the course offered up a unique experience. I really hope this race thrives in 2011.

So regardless of The Peter Principle it still feels good to win something in 2010. I had a good ride, and I got to hang out with Raab after my race was over while his partner hammered out a few laps on their way to a win. Middle Ring Cycles stepped up and donated $125 gift certificates for all the winners, and I stopped by on my way home to cash in on my win. I stayed for awhile, chatted a bit, did some shopping, and headed home with my hand picked schwag.

Thanks to the Uwharrie Rumble promoters, Middle Ring Cycles, Andreas for letting me squat in the Bicycle Sport tent, and to all the other racers who decided to give this freshman race a chance.

Tomorrow there will be pics and fruit from the tree of knowledge.

Am I ready to race tomorrow?

I would say yes.

Getting ready for a six hour race is a piece of cake, especially when the promoter supplies the vittles. No need to fill bottles or nuthin'. My pit fits in my old messenger bags, and that's all I the shit I really need to be ready. Well, that and be prepared to ride my bike for six hours tomorrow. How will I do? Who knows, but all the turning of pedals will all be in the name of something bigger.

Speaking of which I got the latest Trans Sylvania press release in an email the other day. Since you may not have seen it, here it is, not quite in its exasperatingly boring entirety, and with some added notes where information is missing important factoids. For those that would prefer to read the press release without all the valuable information I've included (and deleted) it can be seen here.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE MAY 12, 2010

AMERICA'S BEST TO TAKE ON THE TRANS-SYLVANIA EPIC, AMERICA'S LONGEST
MOUNTAIN BIKE STAGE RACE

STATE COLLEGE - The Trans-Sylvania Epic, the longest mountain bike stage race experience in the USA offering seven days in the mountain bike paradise that is the Alleghenies region of Pennsylvania, is attracting the most competitive field of endurance racers (and Rich Dillen) to yet assemble for an MTB stage race in North America.

Mountain bike luminaries such as Cannondale Factory Racing's Jeremiah Bishop...

Lest we forget Jeremiah Bisquick's presence, AKA the Second Coming

and WTB's Mark Weir...

Dicky's favorite on the trail hoe-down partner

alongside PAValleys.com's National 24 Hour Solo Series Champions Bradon Draugulis ('09) and Rob Lichtenwalner ('07/'08); perennial NUE series contenders Christian Tanguay and Harlan Price...

He's so dreamy. Ask nice and he'll autograph your boob.

from Team CF as well as endurance race stalwart Evan Plews and top US Ruta finisher Alex Grant (Cannondale) are some of the stars who will be battling it out daily with a slate of regional stars and local legends for the right to wear the Pactimo TSE Leader's Jersey. The women's entrants are just as powerful with multiple time World 24 Champ, Rebecca Rusch...

Who, despite her long standing animosity towards Dicky, has accepted his challenge to a stare down contest with all ties to be disputed by shotgunning PBR's.


(Specialized), women's 2009 Iron Cross Champion Selene Yeager...

Bicycling Magazine's Fit Chick, arch nemesis of Dirt Rag's own Fit Dick

and her Team CF mates Nikki Thiemann and Kristin Gavin, PAValleys.com's Carolyn Popovich and Karen Potter (MTBRaceNews.com) amongst those ripping each other apart daily in pursuit of their own Pactimo leader's jersey at the TSE.

TSE director Mike Kuhn noted, "The quality of the racers taking part in our first year is fantastic; there hasn't been a field like this assembled for a mountain bike race in the region in a long time." He added, "It's not just elite racers, Dicky's showing up too. We have people coming because they see Trans-Sylvania as a perfect mountain bike vacation or as an incredible challenge. We can't wait to show mountain bike enthusiasts and racers from across North America just how good the riding is in Pennsylvania as this event unfolds."

"This is a great opportunity to meet and interact with some of the nation's best racers... did we mention that Dicky will be there too?" added director Ray Adams. "If you love mountain biking you'll have a whole week to ride incredible trails and compare notes with some of the finest riders, not to mention Dicky, around the bonfire each evening. You're not going to find this blah, blah, blah... more marketing hype... experience that."

When asked why he is choosing TSE over the multitude of of stage races out there; CFRs Bishop replied, "It's about riding kille....

Sorry, I tend to fall asleep and dream of Jeremiah Bisquick whenever I hear him talk or even read something that he might say. It's not that he's boring, I just prefer the Jeremiah Bisquick of my dreams that wields a lightning bolt while riding a unicorn made of peanut M&M's.

Specialized's three time Women's World 24 Hour Solo Champ Rebecca Rusch commented on TSE, "I love mountain bike stage races because the offer the opportunity to really see the riding an area has to offer. For me 7 days in a row of hard racing is a perfect training block and sort of my own PA boot camp. I have not ridden out East much and from what I hear, this place offers some of the best single track in the world. The TSE jumped out at me because of the reputation of the race directors, the chance to ride out East and the time of year of the event. I look forward to staring Dicky down for a final time, and then hope we never cross paths again." Her husband Greg Martin (Club Ride Apparel), owner of two 24 Hr Solo Singlespeed World Titles added, " I'm really looking forward to spending a full week riding some of the beautiful trails that PA has to offer. Having grown up in Virginia and now living out west, I really miss the technical trails that the east coast is famous for. This is going to be a super fun race! Since Dicky was a 24 Hr Solo Singlespeed World Champ two years before I was it will be a real honor to toe the line with him, even though I didn't follow the SS World Champ code by turning my back on the race when I returned to defend my title. I hope he can forgive me as I don't want to lose my spot amongst the Elitist Singlespeed Illuminati."

WTB's legendary Mark Weir offered up a slightly different motivation for attending, "I'm looking forward to the opportunity to crush Dicky again. He had all those sad excuses after the 2007 Hell Ride... "My suspension was soft, I had BC Bike Race coming up, I got lost up in dem dar hills..." Someone call the waaaambulance. This time we'll be on his turf (the East Coast), he'll be on his silly big wheeled bike without a bunch of technology that confuses him, and that big dumb Canuck will be his aide de camp, so there will be no excuses this time around. Then there's that Harlan guy... he's so pretty. Do you think he'll be happy to see me?"

Based out of the expansive Seven Mountain Scout Camp near State College, PA, the Trans-Sylvania Epic offers 7 days of spectacular trails in some of the most remote riding in Pennsylvania through the spectacular Allegheny mountains. Through the course of the 7 days the participants will explore over 250 miles of mountain bike heaven...

complete with its own saviour

and just scratch the surface of the trails and paths in this part of PA. The event will challenge riders physically and mentally but reward them with an experience they'll never forget. Running May 30-June 5, 2010, more information about Trans-Sylvania at www.TransSylvaniaEpic.com.

Yeah, that sounds better.

Team Dicky: Proud supporter of the Trans Sylvania Epic mountain bike stage race since day one, even though you'd never know it if I left the spreading of misinformation up to the promoters.

Did you get your Dicky's Death March shirt yet?

Someone was happy to get it, and sent me this tribute to the most awesome photo ever (not quite SFW):



Note: All photos of the mountain bike celebrities above were ripped from the internet as most of them have restraining orders against me, and I still don't have a decent telephoto lens.

Video killing mountain bike stars

I have learned a lot during the process of making my first three videos. I figured I would share with the class since there's no reason you shouldn't learn from my experiences and mistakes.

Before I published the PMBAR video I had one copy of it saved to my computer that was, for all my intentional purposes, correct as far as title and captioning goes. After I saved it I discovered that certain changes I made towards the end affected the timing of the captions and credits, thus making the movie a digitally viewable turd. That was when I discovered I had to start all over from scratch for multiple reasons, and because my brain was so fried I ended up with improper captions and title on the second version. Meh.

I then removed the video after 860+ views (which surely provided 1,720 chuckles) and replaced it with one that was a little more meticulously edited. Note to self: When having someone do a QC check on your product make sure they are familiar with said product. The Pie doesn't know trail or race names. Hell, I'm lucky if she even knows what state I'm racing in this weekend.

I spent about twenty minutes the first time around trying to create the "Extreme Tomato with a frying pan full of PMBAR" still shot.

In the first version it resulted in a beautifully seamless production... a masterpiece in amateuristic digital film editing. When I went to make the movie the second go around I didn't want to go through all the steps of the process again, and I short-cutted some shit to hurry things along. Let's just say it lost a little something in the transfer. Lesson learned: Anything worth doing is probably worth doing twice even if you didn't screw it up the first time.

Music. What a pain in the ass. I've learned a few things about putting music on my videos... things worth sharing with the class.

1. The easiest way to pick a song for your video is to look through your library and find a song that is close to the length of your almost complete video. You can always tweak a few seconds in or out to get an exact fit. This is how I've been doing it, and this is how I will continue to do it. No apologies there.

2. It doesn't really matter what song you pick since someone somewhere will tell you that your song choice ruined the whole thing for them. Seriously.

3. Youtube will not allow certain songs to be used due to licensing and copyright agreements. I can see how this makes sense in some ways, but I'm sure Lakeside would have been thrilled to have Fantastic Voyage on my soundtrack.

4. No matter what song you choose you will hear it so many times over during the process that you will not be able to get it out of your head for days, and you may never want to hear it again.

So here is the latest creation. I kinda went overboard on the effects like a kid with his first big box of Crayolas. It sorta sent me in search of a musical theme...

Youtube didn't like my soundtrack (Warner Music Group didn't wanna play with me), but Vimeo let it slide... at least for now. I'm assuming that WMG is okeedoke with Vimeo... dunno. Vimeo doesn't embed with HD, so for best quality you should watch it on the actual Vimeo site.

Here it is with a BG's soundtrack:

Untitled from Rich Dillen on Vimeo.

Ohhhh Vimeo, you're my hero....

Just loaded up with Lakeside. Which works better? You decide.

BACKYARD TRAILS WITH STABBY/LAKESIDE from Rich Dillen on Vimeo.

I'm back and faster than ever

Well, at least my internet is back and faster than ever. Everything is now hunky dory in Dickyville, well maybe I'm still having some editing difficulties, but rest assured we're working on it:

Photo Cred: Nick the Stick

I was able to edit the PMBAR video and get rid of all the erroneous information I was spreading regarding the Pisgah Mountain Bike STAGE Race and the elusively hard to find Pilot MOUNTAIN Trail. I deleted the previous video I had posted on Youtube even though it had over 860+ views at the time, which means I replaced my video that had a 3" penis with a video only having a 1.5" penis (in the youtube penis measuring contest).



All 860+ of you that watched it need to watch it again if I'm ever going to measure up to all the other "also rans" on Youtube.

In bigger and better news the most recent copy of Dirt Rag showed up at my house with another shining example of journalism tucked between the pages within and also an another article written by none other than me.

I also had my first published reaction from a reader in the "Chewing the Fat" section (Letters to the Editor in lesser magazines). You might remember that one of my previous articles about underground racing sparked a little unexpected controversy about our current economic situation, but it appears this new interesting opinion is even more far fetched and unexpected. John Enright of Jacksboro, TX was so moved by my reference to "human tipping" that he felt compelled to share his obsession with the myth of cow tipping. I'm so glad I'm getting the American people to think, especially about how underground racing and the economy are so closely tied together and about an important issue that affects every man, woman, and child in the US and A, cow tipping. I know what you're thinking... next stop for the Dicky Train? Meet the Press? I'm sitting by the phone.

Three days till my next race, and I spent two hours on my next video last night as opposed to training. Another reason to not have Letterman around I guess.

He would swap the U in couch to a A, and instead of relaxing on a couch editing my next world changing video (which will be up tomorrow) I would have a ball busting coach with a recommended workout with such and such hours spent in so and so zones....


ZZZZZZZ...

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Letterman. Does anybody even remember how awesome he was? Like when he trapped that bad guy taking a bath when he changed a "tub" to a "tube" with no more than a lower case "e" thus sticking said bad guy in a tube of toothpaste? Keep throwing your money at Iron Man 2 and similarly poorly scripted Hollywood waste products. I'm saving my box office dollars for "Letterman: Rise of the Silent Vowels".