There is no I in team

but there is one in Team Dicky.

Still can't talk about next year... shit. How about more "now" stuff?

Yesterday The Original Big Ring noticed what was funny in the picture of my Industry Nine wheel parts....

I present to you "The Wind-up Hopping Penis":



Yup, that's why The Original Big Ring got an autographed poster for nothing.

He doesn't miss anything (especially errant crullers).

Tomorrow will be the first day that I will enjoy my shortened work hours. This situation will have major ramifications. Since I do not have to be up early for work tomorrow I will not be getting up just so I can write a blog post. This is going to be a once a week outage that may last until I either get my hours back or lose my job at which point I would be live blogging my unemployment. No apologies.

The "season" is over and the irony of the timing did not escape me. Had my hours been cut months ago I might have had time for one long ride a week which woulda kept me motivated and on track as opposed to burnt out and bitter. This will be the first time in almost thirteen years that I won't be working 45 hours a week, and I intend to make the most of it for as long as I can. Tomorrow I'll be making The Fajita a fine breakfast and then taking her to school before I head out for a ride and perhaps come home to make more Hopping Penis videos. Maybe I'll skip that last part. The rain that is currently falling as I type (and soaking the local trails) may force me to go out on the road bike. This does not sit well with the Superbeast.

Under the "I told you so" heading Mavic is finally making the shoe I've dreamed about (and bugged the Mavic rep about two summers ago). Did they call me and say thanks for the great idea? No, I had to read about it over on Dirt Rag's interbike coverage:

Mavic

Submitted by Justin on Fri, 09/24/2010 - 14:39

• Dirt Rag - Interbike 2010 Day 5

The Razor gets a cosmetic update for 2011. Price is $130.

The only weakness on the original Razor was the not quite up to task material used at the business end of the shoe... the toe. You know, the part that get's kicked into rocks and whatnot while hike-a-biking for hours and hours. I tried to reinforce my two pairs with Gorilla tape, glued on pieces of tube, and spray on Tool Dip over the past two years, but each attempt was met with failure. Although I did not tell the Mavic rep that adding orange highlights would be a good idea I am going to see what I have to do to procure a pair of these shoes for 2011. In my opinion NO SHOE touches this fancy pair of togs at the $130 price point. This is THE SHOE.

I must have it.

Although SIDI is catching on, what with the white color choice and an integrated toe guard. It's like everybody's listening to me...

USPS man cameth

It's gonna be hard to start talking about next year when right now is still happening. Yesterday The Pie called me at work to let me know some happiness showed up in the mail.

The new issue of Dirt Rag showed up with yet another article by me on the inside (with a sweet photo from Cathie Docherty). In a strange coincidental kinda way my subscription renewal reminder also came VIA USPS yesterday as well. I've only got two more issues coming before my subscription runs out. I wonder if I could just write "charge it to my department" on the notice and mail it in? My department does need something to read in the break room.

Photo of an actual crapper in the uptown of Charlotte complete with an ashtray. This is where my department hangs out and smokes cigarettes during down time. We're pretty cool like that.

It might be a bit demanding to ask for a magazine subscription to be charged to my departmental account. It seems that there is a new editor coming to take the helm at Dirt Rag, and while Karen Brooks (soon to be focusing on being FULL TIME editor at Bicycle Times) seemed to easily fall for my sexy charm and rapier wit when I needed to coerce her into something I'm not sure this Josh Patterson guy is going to fall for it. Perhaps I need to try the "banana in the tailpipe" thing with him.




I don't think he's gonna fall for the "banana in the tailpipe" thing.

Also in the mail yesterday? A new supply of That Butt Stuff.

I'm not sure if I'm keeping it all or perhaps I should have another "That Butt Stuff Contest". We shall see... I have an idea, but it's sorta borderline crude, lude, and rude, so perhaps another idea will come along. There was also a sample of eucalyptus spearmint soap from Larkmartin Soaps which got me to thinking... they need to partner up with That Butt Stuff and make a post-ride antibacterial scrub to keep things fresh down there. Of course it should be called "That Nut Stuff". You're welcome. Just send the check to the same address you have on file.

The last of the damage from Crank the Shield has finally been dealt with. My Cane Creek 110 headset is running smooth and my wheels have had the total once over. I've decided to go ahead and have the professionals at Industry Nine do a little rim swap for me since I won some new Stan's rims at the Trans Sylvania Epic last June.

That picture is worth a closer look.

After two seasons of low pressure rigid riding my rims are a bit beat, and my wheels will be good as new come next "season". While I was disassembling the wheels Canadian puddle water dribbled out of the holes in the rim the entire time. Meh.

Speaking of the Trans Sylvania Epic they are having a three day sale on registration right now. Register now through Oct 1st and save $50, get first dibs on lodging, and a get free invite to the preview camp Halloween weekend. Am I going? That would be talking about next year, which I am not doing right now.

And before I go on like the "season" is over I forgot that the Double Dare/Fall Gathering is still coming up. If you don't feel like tromping around in Pisgah for 24 out of 30 hours that weekend in the name of everlasting glory then perhaps you might be interested in the gathering aspect where we will be camping, riding, drinking, and mocking those that chose to race all weekend instead. As for myself I am on the fence as to whether I will race or gather. George and Mandy can not make it down for all the shenanigans, so I am back to leaning (slightly) towards racing. I'd better make the call pretty soon since the last I knew there were only six spots left for teams of two riders. The Double Dare is only $50 for a team and The Gathering is just $10 per car. That's cheaper than a set of ceramic bearings.

It would be absolutely pointless for you not to come to this weekend gala of mountain biking.

Absolutely.

Be wary of curious blue mesh tubes

Before I start talking about next year and stuff I'd rather talk about my hum drum weekend. Saturday I got out to Poplar Tent for a ride on the Tallboy, and I finally decided on a name for my carbon based non-life form.



Yes, the Tallboy shall now and forever be referred to as Superbeast. Poplar Tent is full of stunts and drops, and some of the drops I haven't done since I went with the whole rigid single speed thing years ago. It's the same place I shot this video, although there are a few (maybe more than a few) drops and stunts that I skipped that day.



Let me just say that I now know how much a pair of testicles fetches on the open testicle market since I recently purchased a very nice set of them. It feels so nice to sail off a 3.5-4 feet drop to flat without much thought at all. This bike will provide a nice break from the same old same old for some time to come. I can't wait to get this thing to the mountains and just rip down some nasty shit in a straight line. This thing feels gooooooooood. Note to self: Drops to flat from 3.5-4 feet with absolutely no skill will blow through a properly set up for XC riding 120mm Reba XX.

The Darth Vader penis bars proved to be much too large once again, and I smashed my pinky into a tree in the first few minutes of riding. I decided it was time to call a mohel and give it a bris.

Notice the reassembled-for-winter Meatplow in the background? Steel fork, 8" rotor, Kodiak 2.5 front tire, Eskar 2.3 rear tire... heavy training tool or over built single speed? You decide...

EDGE Composites put those sweet cut marks on the bar knowing full well that no mortal man could handle the full length of the Dark Lord's manhood.

Using my Park Tool SG-6 Threadless Saw Guide that George put into my possession I was left with two very nice 20mm carbon fiber pinky rings.

If EDGE Composites wasn't giving these out at Interbike they should certainly think about it for next year. I'd swap it for my steel wedding band if I could. Think of the weight savings...

Once I got done getting the Meatplow back together and trimming down the Darth Meat I put my bike room back in order. After suffering through four stage races this summer and a bike build my room has been neglected for far too long, and I had shit stacked up in every nook and cranny available. While recycling all the packaging material from the building up of the Superbeast I found a curious blue mesh tube in one of the boxes. Against the advisement of my Sponsor Liaison and Equipment Acquisitions Director I spent some time playing with it before I realized it was too late....

I was not able to continue working on my bike room until The Pie got home and could cut me free from this heinous device of treachery. Admiral Ackbar could do nothing to help me since he does not have poseable opposable thumbs, so he just sat there and mocked me.

Maybe I'll post something of substance tomorrow....


Maybe

Yeah, Interbike... whatever

So with all the Crank the Shield stuff going on I hardly had any time to bitch about missing Interbike YET AGAIN. This year there were no lofty promises tossed about regarding having me along for the ride on someone's coattails. Even as I get further and further embedded into the industry I am still not deep enough to be considered a necessary tool at the greatest (bike) show on earth. I'm very aware of the fact that after I've been to one Interbike I'll probably hate it so bad I'll swear I'll never go again, but I say that about most endurance races I do, so whatever. It's just that soooooooo many people I know are there, people I actually like, and I would love to hang out with them one more time before the year ends in a manner that doesn't involve riding my bike for 4-8 hours.

Of course I'm watching the Interbike coverage when I can get some free screen time. My favorite thing so far? Oddly enough it's this:

photo cred: twentynineinches.com

Yes, a bike made by the folks I used to race for in 2009. The new MOOTS MOOTOX RSL has clearance for a suspension fork with the bent down tube, zero stack headset, and a pressfit 30 bottom bracket. That and it looks like metal sex. Bikerumor has some close up shots and more details if you wanna read about it even morer. It is the new pinnacle achievement in ti mountain bikes. No, I don't ride for them any longer, and no I won't be riding for them next year. This is just the one thing that caught my eye. Nice job MOOTSfolks. This bike is huge in my opinion.

Speaking of next year...

I'll get around to some of that noise next week. It probably won't be terribly interesting since I really don't have a clue what I'm doing, but maybe I can make something up over the weekend.

BTW: Were you smart enough to buy your Dicky's Death March gear already?

I hope so since it is officially sold out 100%. People are always asking me if there will be more t-shirts. I can not answer that. Twin 6 made the original DDM t-shirt as a t-shirt of the month and thusly it was a limited edition scenario. If you didn't get one I'm sorry, but not really. The jerseys are gone as well (chalk that up to the Humpday sale a few weeks ago), so there is no longer an opportunity to buy anything Team Dicky oriented (save for a few remaining MEAT DICKY posters). Will there be something next year? Your guess is as good as mine. Getting a hold of somebody ACTUALLY in the industry during Interbike is impossible, so that news will have to wait.

And since I could not figure out a way to put this video on the blog in any manner of context, here you go anyways...



Peter wins... by an enlarged, singularly testiculated scrotum.

Closing Thoughts on Crank the Shield and Damage Report

So what did I think of Crank the Shield?

Well, going into it I knew this was hardly the kind of race where I could flourish. Generally speaking I need long climbs (not at altitude) and descents to take advantage of my svelte figure and lack of regard for my own personal safety. The course definitely favored the rider that could lay down power over the steep but rolling terrain as well as through the mud bogs and twisty, not flowy trail systems. Without the rain I think I would have had a shit ton more fun, but what are you gonna do? Some of the singletrack was just was I was hoping for; that nasty, loamy, rooty, rocky shit that Canada is famous for... like West Virginia on steroids.

Everything else was top notch or close to it. Staying indoors is always pretty sweet after a long day in the saddle. Having a hot shower, Subway sammiches, and chocolate milk at the finish was pretty welcome was well. Beer (if you wanted it) every night and a wide variety of things to eat at supper and breakfast. Course markings, well stocked aid stations, enthusiastic volunteers... this race had it all and then some.

That said, there will be no Crank the Shield in 2011. Chico Racing is going to a one day marathon format next year and then return to the stage race in 2012 (I guess the trails need 23 months to dry out). So FYI, if you want to have your ass handed to you for three days running in Eastern Canada you're going to have to be patient.

Damage report on the Meatplow?

The Enduro bottom bracket I just bought in June? It was nearly seized Tuesday night when I got a chance to look at it. Luckily I was able to tear it down, clean it out, and regrease it. I would say it's at 95%, and had I gotten to it Sunday night it still coulda been 100%. It had mud in it... mud for fuck's sake.

My Industry Nine hub bearings spent some serious time in the muck and under dirty water. The only one that protested when I got home out of the six bearings in the entire wheelset was the main bearing in the freehub (one of the harder bearings to replace).

Fortunately the hubs are user serviceable, and with a little patience last night the bearing was swapped and all is right in the wheel world.

Headset? That was weird. My Cane Creek 110 came loose on the last day, which is odd since the stem has never been loosened since I put the crabon frok on. Loose headsets are rarely ever the fault of the actual headset, and riding it loose can be a bit damaging to the bearings. That's the next thing I'm going to look at as I take the crabon frok off for the winter to be replaced with the Niner steel fork and an 8" rotor as well as mounting up my old Industry Nine wheels while I do a rim swap on my white race wheels (thank you Stan's and Trans Sylvania Epic for the new rims!!).

I'm not disappointed in how my equipment held up. I would venture to guess that a lot of Crank the Shield riders are going to be doing some serious work on their bikes when they get around to it. I went through what brake pads I had on the bike at the start in one day, and had Mark Summers at Joyride 150 not broke into Peter's office and stole some new ones I never woulda finished the race. My glued on Bontrager foam grip slipped 1/2" on the left hand side, and my Rotor chainring which I have come to love was trashed and sharktoothed as the grit took my chain to the limit on my Park Tool Chain Checker. Good thing I have another bike to ride since I'll never get the Meatplow back together in time for the weekend.

How did I hold up?

At first I thought the pain in my lower leg was some kind of shin splints from all the running through the muck and over the hard rock, but now I'm pretty sure that it can be attributed to getting wrapped up in the bike on day one. The odd thing was that all the swelling occurred at my ankle at least five inches from the point of impact.

Meh, finding time to elevate it after the race was challenging, but I did manage to get some hang time in the airport.

The "Season" is dead... long live the season.

Crank the Shield Days Two and Three

A late start?

Sorry, I spent the morning looking at Interbike Dirt Demo photos for no apparent reason. It's not like I'm in the market for a new machine right now, but I can't help myself. Where else am I gonna get info on the latest and greatest Thermos technology?

Back to Crank the Shield...

photo cred: The Original Big Ring

Day two had the potential to be fun. Rocky ATV trails with nasty chunks of slabby rock would abound on this day, but the dry happy trails that we saw in the preview were not... dry and happy that is.

I started the day with some slight pains. Pushing a 33X18 for CtS was not such a good idea since most of the climbing was quite steep and the mud bogs that I did manage to ride through provided a huge amount of resistance to forward progress. Also, I did not do a very good job describing my "over the bars in a puddle" experience yesterday. I managed to get my right leg stuck between my bars and the end of my brake lever where the hydraulic line exits. It was so far wedged in there I had to wrench it free. It didn't seem like a big deal, but it would end up developing into a huge pain in the leg.

So at the start of day two I never saw SS leader Dave Dermont after the start. I was avoiding puddles on the first mud bog section with second place rider Micheal Duncan directly behind me when I fell over sideways into a rather deep bog of murky, smelly "water" and submerged my entire right hand side. Shortly after that I lost some of my desire to be in such a hurry, and Micheal left me behind.

Somehow I managed to catch up to him at the first aid station, but alas once we hit some gravel he put time into me the way a child puts stuffing into a Build-a-Bear... enthusiastically. Once we got to the section of "fun" ATV trails I found myself plunging down one wall of rock straight into a deep section of water only to be faced with a wall of rock to climb over to repeat this all again a thousand times over. Challenging? Yes. Fun? Not so much. I felt like I was fighting for every inch.

Once that bog section was over my right leg was screaming at me to stop moving forward. Unfortunately Peter caught me once we hit the gravel road, and when it turned into rolling pavement he used his "superior mass" to put some time into me. He got as much as a 30 second gap on me, but he stayed in sight the whole time discouraging me and taunting me at the same time. Once the rollers got steep though I started picking on the large and still injured from Breck Epic man, and I dropped him like the smelly turd he is. We hit one more section of double track, and I pinned it to put five minutes into Peter thus getting a small amount of revenge for his merciless trouncing of me in Breckenridge.

photo cred: Peter

Third place again.. meh. The wee little man indeed.

The last day we were supposed to have dry feet at the end of the day. That was canceled. We started at Sir Sam's ski hill and were treated with some excellent singletrack riding for all of 18 minutes before we were spit out onto the road.

photo cred: juoko

Trails? We don't need no stinking trails.

I was riding pretty respectably right behind Ernesto, and Peter was hanging in there as well a few switchbacks further behind in my rearview. Once we hit the pavement though I was dropped by everybody and their second cousin as Peter, Ernesto, and countless others made this little man feel even smaller than actual size.

Sequence-wise I don't remember everything that happened that day. My back was killing me, and my leg was protesting any full circle pedaling motions and anything that felt like walking. I managed to catch back up to Peter and passed him on the power line section, I caught back up to Micheal Duncan before the second aid station, and then I imploded losing Micheal and also 3rd place as Thomas Yip came by me with a smile. No matter. I rode somewhat conservatively protecting my third overall and trying to baby my leg to the finish. I ended the day in fourth, but retained my third overall and managed to end my summer long epic battle with Peter victoriously.

photo cred: Peter

Dave, the established podium veteran, insisted on holding our arms daily as a fisherman might hold up his prize catch. Obviously Micheal and I have not had enough practice to stand on the top step.

Tomorrow, general thoughts and feeling regarding Crank the Shield and perhaps a Meatplow damage report. Maybe I'll bitch about missing Interbike again... maybe.

Joyride 150 and Crank the Shield Day One

Upon arriving in Toronto Peter whisked me away to Joyride 150 which also houses Misfit Psycles Headquarters. Once I got there I built up my bike, got juiced on some coffee, met Joyride 150 owner/operator Mark Summers, rode around, fell over on the flat concrete floor, signed posters (very few), and drank beer. Of all the things I did while I was at Joyride 150 the riding was probably the best part. There's enough stuff there that isn't big jumps/street park/foam pit oriented that an old, fragile person like me can have a lot of fun. There were plenty of skinnies (I didn't work up the nerve to do them all) and a two kick ass pump tracks as well as an XC course that loops around and above the entire park. Although falling over right in front of Peter, Mark, Misfit Psycles engineer Thomas, and a bunch of groms was a bit humiliating I still managed to have a positive experience.

Peter installing a new prototype chain tensioner/converter to his already-a-single-speed bike while Thomas looks on in horror.

So after some beer and grubbing we slept the sleep of kings till I woke up at 4:45 and started wandering around Peter's house annoying as many of his family members as possible until Peter said we could head out to Crank the Shield.

Misfit Psycles elite rider The Original Big Ring applying his nipple embrocation.

The night before the race the Haliburton Forest area was hit with around 2" of rain. We were told to expect wet conditions on day one, wetter conditions on day two, and relatively dry conditions on day three. Close to 250 riders lined up in the parking lot and with a "Whoever heard of a neutral start?" pace right from the get-go I was redlined on the road out to the first patch of dirt.

The first double track wasn't too bad. It did a fine job of thinning the herd before we hit singletrack, and on the way I saw the SS rider to watch (Dave Dermont) monkeying with the tensioner on his True North frame. I assumed I was in the lead and was feeling pretty positive when I caught up to Ernesto on the North Shore trail. As soon as the trail ended though my ego shrank as Ernesto left me, Dave Dermont passed me, and I floundered down the rolling double track.

At some point we hit one mud bog section too many, and I lost interest in walking around another road pond. I attempted to ride through it, but my front wheel got caught on something. I tried to force the bike over the submerged object, but I was the weakest dog in the fight, and I ended up tumbling over the bars and landing in the puddle. Although most of the puddle was lined with black fluffy mud my left knee (the one I injured at Trans Sylvania and Tour de Burg) landed on a rock while my right leg managed to get wedged between my bars and my right brake lever. After untangling myself I jumped back on the bike and forced my knee to go in circles until the pain abated.

While riding another mud bogged section SS rider Michael Duncan got by me. I had no fight left in me and no desire to tempt fate while riding through mud bogs, so when he passed I made no effort to chase. I just put my head down, did what I could to save what pads I might have left in my Hayes stoppers, and forged on for what ended up being a total of 4hrs 41min for third place.

How hard was it? How about averaging 15.37 kph over 72k with 1,105 m of climbing? That's only 9.22MPH over 43.2 miles with only 3,600 feet of climbing. Ouch... no mechanicals, one wreck, and a snails pace through mud and knee deep water.

The next day would be wetter? We'll see.

Lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what have you's

I'm leaving for Crank the Shield tomorrow morning. People have been giving me shit for not doing the Pisgah Mountain Bike Stage Race that is going on as we speak (in the internet vernacular). I have plenty of reasons to not be there this year:

Jeremiah Bisquick will be there. He's always asking me if I've got any spare hair gel because he "left his at home". As if...

EvanPlews.com will be there. He's always creeping me out with the jars full of moths and the vast array of lotions he keeps in a basket.

Amanda Carey, Sue Haywood, and Carey Lowery will be there. 100% chance of being multi-chicked every day. I've had my fill this year, thank you.

Drew Edsall will be there. I'm pretty sure he's pissed at the whole gang that stayed at Eagle Lodge during the Trans Sylvania Epic. I don't want to take the heat on that one. Besides, he's always begging for a ride to the airport.

Garth Prosser will be there. Since I blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life that may not be a bad thing, but he may ask me to pretend to be his lover, and that kinda scares me (long story).

I mighta had a shot in the single speed category for a podium.. perhaps a win. This would once again put me in the position where I would have to try to take racing seriously for MULTIPLE DAYS IN A ROW. If there's one thing that this year's Trans Sylvania Epic proved to me it's that I can't keep my shit together for more than two consecutive days.

Aside from the 12 mile hill climb prologue I have ridden every trail that the PMBSR will cover. There will be nothing new to see and nothing new to ride. That said, the trails are quite awesome, but I will be seeing plenty of them this winter on my own.

The whole point of doing a stage race (for me) is to see new sites, roll into a strange piece of trail I've never seen before, meet new people, hang out with old friends, and have fun. I coulda got some of that at the PMBSR, but I will get all of that at Crank the Shield. I will get to hang out and live among the indigenous people of Eastern Canada and learn their ways as we ride all over the Haliburton Highlands. I'll be like the Dian Fossey of the Canadian mountain bike world.

Sure, Pisgah has some of the best trails in the country, but I like to ride new stuff whenever I get the opportunity. I will never pre-judge the quality of a trail system by looking at the topography of the area. I've ridden one of the stupidest courses I've ever endured in the the Sierra Nevadas (nice views though), and I've been tickled pink by the ingenuity shown by the people of Wooster, OH at Vulture's Knob. Let me say that again... I had fun riding in OHIO. I'll ride the trails first, and then I'll let you know what I think.

Would there have been an awesome autograph session of a limited edition poster at the PMBSR? I think not. Did you buy yours? I'd bet not. Peter told me that sales were going so badly that we'll be wiping our asses with my face all week to cut our losses.

How will I do at Crank the Shield? Unknown. Aside from Craig Barlow and Peter I don't know anybody else in the single speed category...well, I did hear something about the guy named Guy, but it was more of a discussion regarding the pronunciation of his name than anything else. Since it's the last race of the year I'm gonna give it everything I got and ride like there's no tomorrow even though on days one and two there actually will be a tomorrow. For a little external motivation I'm gonna put Sweaty Teddy's Stranglehold on my iPod 150 times and put it on shuffle for the entire race.



Yes Peter, if your house gets in my way baby, you know I'll burn it down. Why we would be riding through your yard at the Court of Dingle I do not know, but be aware that I will stop and get all arsony on your palatial dwelling if I have to.

I thought about putting a little Wang Dang Sweet Poontang on there as well, but I wasn't sure if I'd get the same kinda mojo working for me.



See you Tuesday. When I get back I'll tell you all about the race and complain about not going to Interbike yet again.

Tallboy feedback and scary Pflug stuff

First of all I thought I would mention this amazing interview with Gerry "The Pflug" Pflug I read last night.

What's so wonderful about this interview? Well it just so happens that the question asker (also known as "the interviewer") from Pittsburgh Racing asked Gerry the question we all want to ask him but we're afraid to even utter in his menacing presence:

Can you please state for the record that you in fact do not eat people?

To which Gerry replied (while wiping the drool from the corner of his human eating mouth):

"I will not confirm or deny this allegation."

Delving deeper into the mystery I read down to the comment section and saw this tidbit from Gary Bywaters, founder of the Month of Mud series (the only thing I miss about living in NE Ohio, well that and Blatz beer):

"I can not collaborate that Gerry eats people, but I have seen quite a few half eaten body parts strewn around many road, ATB and ‘cross courses . . . it makes one wonder, doesn’t it?"

Let's face it, there are too many coincidences to ignore here. Gerry "The Pflug" Pflug eats people.

"My Pfluglings and I will eat you first Pat Morita. Sorry Ralph, nobody here really likes you."

So anyways...

I rode the Tallboy Sunday morning, and it was good. What was so great about it? It just felt right from the start (other than smashing my pinkies into the trees what with having my knuckles 3/4" closer to the offending foliage). There was no getting used to it, and no adapting to the suspension when bunny hopping over logs or getting geek air over the many trail features at Sherman Branch. While I had a hell of a time getting the rear suspension on my Hell Ride Nomad to work for me the VPP of the Tallboy was easy schmeasy. 10PSI plus my diminutive body weight and a little playing with the rebound control and I wasn't even thinking about the rear suspension anymore.

Two wheel drifts were awesome, and even with two feet up it was predictable. I realize I have to give some credit to tire selection and a huge amount of rider skill, but the bike just railed. Maybe the handling has something to do with the short (for a full suspension frame) chainstay length. Dunno. I don't design frames. I just ride them and stuff. I aimed at every pile of rocks and every cluster of roots on the trail. This thing just soaked it all up AT SPEED and then some.

I am happy with my choice, and I'm looking forward to having an option when I grab a bike down off the wall (other than a road bike... bleeccchh). This is just what I needed to keep things fresh over the winter. I will no longer be living on bread alone. I've got cake now.

In an effort to preserve the happiness of my frame I bought some helicopter tape off eBay a few weeks ago since the local helicopter accessory store closed its doors when the recession hit.

I tried to be patient with the application (note the beer which is packed with empty carbs, bubbles, and patience), but I did get an air pocket or two under the tape.

I bought the matte tape, and I swear it's rather hard to see it unless you look really close. Supposedly this shit protects carbon fiber helicopter blades from impact, and since they fly around at like a billion RPM's perhaps it will do more than just hold tiny, annoying air pockets close to my frame.

I've also got one of these skidplates coming:

Some genius on MTBR realized that folks with a whole lotta linkages going on under the BB (re: Jet9, RIP9, Tallboy) might wanna protect that shit from careless riding over hunks of rocks. This does not mean that I doubt the strength of carbon fiber. I know you can hit it with a hammer and stuff, but that doesn't mean that I want to have a hammer fly up and directly hit my downtube if I go riding through one of Pisgah's many hammer gardens.

Tomorrow a little pre-Crank the Shield stuff...

Errmkay?

Bailure to Launch

Things went downhill on Friday around 3:00PM. I found out that my hours will be cut back at work. I saw it coming, so it was no surprise, but it sucks nonetheless. Then I went out to eat with The Pie after work, came home and got my shit together for the Pisgah Bad Ass Race, and went to bed hoping for the best.

When I woke up Saturday morning I looked at the Doppler radar. Rain was coming, hard rain, suck ass rain... the kinda rain I did not want to ride in all day. It wasn't so much that I didn't want to ride in the rain and think about my job security for eight hours. It was more a matter of the fact that I did not want to have to deal with a rain fucked bike on Sunday that needed to be packed in a travel case by Wednesday night for Crank the Shield. When I saw that the Fed Ex tracking information on the remaining parts for my Tallboy had them showing up Saturday I decided to bail on the race, await the shifty bits, and build a bike.

The odd thing is that just last year around this time I wanted a squishy fun bike for the winter. I was racing for MOOTS, and I wasn't sure how to pull it off with the whole sponsorship conflict thing VS buying a MOOTS MOOTO XZ. I elected not to do anything since the economy was sucking ass then, so it's kinda weird that I'd have a bike to build the day after I took a decent hit in the pocket a year later. Whatever.

So the shit showed up around noon and I went to work. Worst part about building a shifty/squishy for the first time in seven years? Where to begin. I just started mounting shit up and then scratching my head before moving to the next step.

Shifty shit. Who buys these things on purpose? They're like benign tumors.

I was re-using some brakes, and I needed to use a longer line. More things to do that delayed my happiness.

Bleeding madness. At least I got to use the 6mm wrench I bought months ago for the purpose of proper bleeds.

More build photos?? I think not. I got too into doing what I was doing, so the camera was shoved to the wayside. So anyways, I put the whole damn thing together with breaks for beer, a run to the hardware store, dinner, a walk, Trouble, and Uno. Family time had to be fit in... what can I say?

I got out for a 23 mile ride yesterday. This bike rocks. More about that tomorrow after I pick the parts apart today.

Since I was starting with frame that's as stiff as a turgid teenage boy watching a Porky's movie stiffness was key in this build when it came to parts to make a complete bike of maximal stiffness. What did I do to make this bike dagnasty Porky's boner stiff?

Industry Nine Enduro front wheel with a 20mm Maxle Lite equipped 120mm travel Rock Shox Reba with a tapered steer tube. This thing goes where I point it. Very nice.

Lest we forget George gave my fjork some love so it would be all supple and shit.

Enduro Seals = Success.

Gear in the rear?

DT Swiss Thru Axle skewer thingy holding the wheel on with authority. Added stiffness in the rear? Sure thing.

George talked me into the Edge carbon riser bar.

He said if Darth Vader had a penis this would be it. This bar is mega wide. How wide? 700mm. I was not able to accommodate Darth Vader's penis, and I smashed my pinkies into a tree a couple times while riding as I was not accustomed to the width of the dark lord's manhood. I may cut them down, but the ladies tell me you get used to the extra length eventually.

The run to the hardware store?

O-Rings. They do a great job reducing cable rub and look oh-so pro. Suck it.

I so wanted to use the whole Matchmaker mount for my shifters on my lockout actuator thing, but I needed an M5 bolt with an M4 head. Clutter my bars... see if I care. Nefarious unobtainable at a local hardware store bolt.

Note the grips... they are temporary and the only thing I have left from my Hell Ride Nomad. This is not your dad's Nomad. This is the Nomad of the future, well except I have it now.

This is for the MTBR pundits...

Riser bars with a negative rise stem and a stack of spacers. FTMTBRW!!

A part from bikes past and a quick release seatpost collar for play time in the mountains this winter.

The fit for the water bottle is tight like young boy's anoos.

Big bottles do not work, but this hydration fad is for pussies anyways.

I'll talk more about the ride tomorrow, but I have to thank some folks for helping me pull this off. First off Santa Cruz helped me get this frame under my ass, and I must say I feel a bit like Ferris Bueller. As he pointedly said, "If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up."

Riding it feels just like this:



And a big thanks to all the folks who helped me put shiny parts on the Tallboy including the fine folks at Cane Creek and Industry Nine. No wheels, no headset... no bike. Nice headset, nice wheels... nice bike.

And let's not forget George "El Diablo" Wisell at Bike29 who had to put up with countless phone calls, many therapy sessions, and a few threatening emails (I had no reason to threaten him, I just enjoy it). Without him I'd be dead in the water as opposed to walking on it as I currently am.

More tomorrow.

Month of Mayhem V.2 on the front burner

You know what this means:

This information has several ramifications. First of all I will not be building a Tallboy tonight for a shifty/squishy ride tomorrow. With no shifty/squishy bits to play with I find myself leaning this way:

Yes, I'm getting my shit together for the Pisgah Bad Ass race tomorrow.

I mean, why not? I've got all this fitness that I kinda pissed away last week, the family is busy right in the middle of the day anyways, I got a decent chunk of my responsibilities out of the way, and I won't have a new bike built up and ready to dial in till next week. Yeah, maybe if I stayed home and waited for the FedEx guy to show up I could play with the parts Saturday evening and ride Sunday, but whatever. With the chances for rain in Charlotte being what they are I can pretty much guarantee that if I have a new bike to ride every trail in town will see major precipitation. I'll take my time building it and getting it set up right when I get back from Crank the Shield and the big MEAT DICKY DILLEN night at Joyride 150.

According to the pundits on the internets I wil be spending a lot of time messing with my new finicky 10 speed parts, so in order to make room in my busy life for all the major gear adjusting sessions I cleared up some time in my busy schedule.

Although I stopped cutting my hair when I lost interest in racing seriously I realized that it needed to go. I'm spending too much time blow drying and curling it every morning before work, and the money I'm spending on conditioners will now be go towards buying a new 10 speed chain every three weeks since we all know how fragile they are.

So....

Race report on Monday. Month of Mayhem V.2 goes on as originally scheduled.

I will not be carrying a SPOT tracking device, but if you want to follow my progress from home break out your National Geographic Pisgah Ranger District 780 Topo map and use your imagination. Just trace the route with your finger at a rate of speed that would have me crushing the competition.

The Pisgah Badass* Route

Up Black Mtn by ranger station to
Buckhorn Gap to South Mill River
South Mills River to Squirrel Gap
Squirrel to Laurel Creek
Laurel Creek to Bradley Creek
Bradley to S. Mills River
SMR up tough climb (left of bridge) to
Turkey Pen Parking Lot
Unmarked side trail on left (On right
when pulling in by car) back down to
double track
to bridge over SMR (yes you were just
here, this time cross bridge)
SMR to Mullinax
Mullinax to Squirrel
Squirrel to SMR
SMR to Buckhorn Gap
Buckhorn to Black Mtn (go right up stairs)
Black Mtn to Buckwheat Knob
Buckwheat Knob to 477

Can I get a "Woo!"?

Things have been busy, and things are going on in the background. Things are cluttering up my bike room, and things are quickly winding down.

This weekend is the Pisgah Bad Ass race. I am not sure I'm gonna make it at this point. The external pressures of all the undone things are weighing down on my very being. I've been so short on time that while I was stuck in Denver for a day after the Breck Epic instead of just relaxing and watching HBO for 20 hours straight I used the time in my hotel room as productively as possible.

A clean bike in the box meant less work before the Shenandoah Mountain 100 and a few very soiled hotel wash cloths. This weekend I may or may not have all the little bits and pieces I need to finish the Tallboy. If George "El Diablo" Wisell would stop playing around with my bits and pieces and just ship them I probably woulda had the bike built days ago.

"This fjork, as stock and shipped from the factory, does not rock!"

Instead of leaving well enough alone George gave my fjork a little extra El Diablo Mojo. We shall see if the fruits of his labor were worthwhile soon enough.

George likes to pound the cream cheese frosting to keep his energy levels up while working in the shop. Apparently this tub may have been left on the workbench a little too long.

So maybe I get a little Tallboy action this weekend, maybe I try to throw down and become the first Pisgah Bad Ass, or maybe I start sharpening my wit in preparation for the Crank the Shield Stage Race coming up in one week. Registration closed as of a few days ago, so if you aren't signed up already then whatever. Peter is preparing for my visit to his great big, over sized, yet to be annexed state of Canada. Yes, it is true that as soon as I get there I will be whisked away to Joyride 150, a massive indoor bike park similar to Ray's Indoor Mountain Bike Park, but with a better selection of pork products and winter hats.

I haven't been to an indoor bike park since I went to Ray's back in 2004. I had a blast there, and I can't wait to tire myself out on the pump track the day before Crank the Shield. Despite all rumors (or rumoUrs) I am not heading to Canada to sign a lucrative deal for the 2011 season. I am only going there to eat bacon, wear funny hats, and make great bike race.

At least I know that Carhartt and Lunchbox are totally stoked on my trip to America's hat.

Woo Rich... indeed.