Where's Jeb Bush when you need him?

Yesterday's voting process was indeed messy. I can see why our political system is in shambles. Here's the raw data:

7.0 votes for purple
4.0 votes for black
2.0 votes for "mix it up"
1.0 votes for "why isn't orange an option?"
0.5 votes for gold

Looking at the raw data it would appear that we have a clear winner, but just as in the real world of politics the results are more muddled than a Republican misinformation media blitz.

Mr Roger accused Ant1 of being a "subversive elitist french quasi-homosexual". Homosexual's have the right to vote on issues such as headset color, as do subversive elitists, but the French have no business in American politics. Cancel one vote for purple.

Emily B cast her vote for purple, but only because she felt I made the wrong color choice with my crabon frok. Then later she voted "why isn't orange an option?" which means she voted twice. Throw out Emily's votes since she's going to the polls in too many districts. BTW Emily: Cane Creek intends to make the 110 in every color option that Industry Nine offers in the future,

George tossed in the bi-partisan option by suggesting I "mix it up". His campaign grabbed a decent foothold with the masses and garnered some support at the polls. We all know bi-partisanism doesn't work, but since George (AKA Bike29) is a sponsor that gives him a California share of electoral college votes. Let's say "mix it up" now has five votes.

Drew sent in his absentee vote via Facebook, and he chose black. Not that he prefers black or anything of the sort, but more because he thinks we don't need change for the sake of change. Black now has five votes.

There were two votes for red, but they both came from the Ralph Nader loving Thad. This is a two party system Thad, so quit trying to be all different and stuff. Red, just as Ralph Nader, will never be a solid candidate.

I did look into the demographic patterns of all the votes cast. I wanted to be sure that the people voting for the black Cane Creek 110 were not doing so "just because it's black". This is not a way to choose something as important as a headset.

So in the end we have a three way tie with purple, black, and "mix it up". This means that I basically don't know what to do, so I'm gonna contact my people at the Skull and Bones Society since they run all the major elections anyhow. When they have their next tribunal they can put it to a vote (after they do something creepy like masturbate in coffins), and I'll let them make the final decision, but for tonight I'm just gonna have to wing it.

This just in: Arleigh has finally taken the bait, and somewhat accepted my challenge to race in the "cycling industry and media types" class at the Six Hours of Warrior Creek this weekend. Although Arleigh has entered the duo category and employed a slew of Dirt Divas to support her in order to bolster her chances of beating me I will remain undaunted in my resolve to totally dominate her ass. Make no mistake... I will let no one stand in the way of my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types". No one.

Throwing money at problems... or not

Some of my disasters have been averted. Others will sit on me for awhile. Mike Piazza and I went out computer shopping last night. Mike Piazza thinks we solved the computer issue... after a few calls to local IT personalities Blair and Bubba Cohen.
Mike Piazza also thinks I should be on the short list for the new crabon Niner too, so what does Mike Piazza know?

Anyways, this is the first time I've had a computer less than five years old to work with here at Bad Idea Racing headquarters. This is also my first quality (functional) laptop. I'm not sure if I'm digging the laptop thing yet, and I know someone who absolutely hates it.

This is the current foster pet. She is blind, has leukemia, and she has been spending the last few weeks sitting on my lap while I blog every morning. She is quite jealous of the laptop.

I am a very small man. My lap is not big enough for a kitten and a laptop. I have a definite conflict of interest going on here. It is our job to give this kitten a quality of life for awhile, and this kitten has made me very aware of the fact that the laptop is affecting her quality of life.

Not to jump around too much, but I got my latest copy of Dirt Rag over the weekend... another quality article in there written by me, well actually me and my "department". I'll have to get back to that at another time this week, as I found many things interesting in the current issue.

I have to apologize for yesterday's extreme use of language. I used no less than five four letter words, and I used "meh" where there easily coulda been a sixth. I was feeling a little frustrated and all, what with the needlessly fried computer (my wife's surge protector had the phone cable jack) and the hail dimpled cars. It's looking like I'm gonna be driving around in a big, orange golf ball since I have a $500 deductible on both cars. Originally I thought "meh" might have been quite appropriate in this case, but on second thought perhaps this issue has gone to the "fuck level" as in, "This is Cindy from Progressive. Yes, Mr Dillen... you are fucked."

I only got one half of a proper answer to yesterday's question. Which headset should I put in my Niner (Meatplow V.4) when I get my crabon frok, the purple Cane Creek 110 or the black Cane Creek 110? This is a democracy here, well as much of a democracy as we can have in this country, so let me know what you think. I'll be mounting it up on the morrow, so voice your opinions now.

I am lightning

Shit. Sitting in Caribou Coffee... just wrote a bunch of stuff and this laptop crashed. Last night lightning came in through the window and fried the modem, our home phone, and my personal computing device. Things might really, really suck around here till I get this shit figured out.

Yes, I had a surge protector. This demon came in on the phone line. Fuck.

Hail damage to both vehicles. Meh.

The crabon frok will be here on Wednesday. Should I stick with the black Cane Creek 110 or go back to the purple 110?

Shit.

Just tried to upload a photo of a white crabon frok, and the laptop crashed again.

Fuck.

Use your imaginations.

That took over an hour.

New Jersey News

For all you folks that are frothing at the gills to get in line so you can purchase a 2010 Bad Idea Racing Jersey... keep frothing. I've seen the initial artwork, and I must say I am pretty stoked on the concept. There are somethings I can tell you, and other things I will have to take to my grave... assuming I die before they/we release the jersey.

They are gonna be bad ass.

The main color choice will be black which is the achromatic color of maximum darkness having little or no hue owing to absorption of almost all incident light. In other words this jersey will absorb the energy of riders around you and make you more powerful by a factor that would be directly proportional to the number of riders in close proximity. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, but still try to stay away from Dejay.

Rudi Nadler (not Jacquie Phelan as it appears) is pointing out the black hole of energy suck that is Dejay's ass. Notice that it has already pulled Rudi's fingers off.

The jerseys will keep in theme with the former Bad Idea Racing jerseys in that the main theme will be fleshless bones. I can not say whether the bones will be that of a human or animal, but there will most definitely be bones including, but not limited to, skulls.

I can say that I smiled and let out a sigh of relief when I saw the design. It kicks ass, but what did I expect from these guys.

So far they are bad ass, kick ass, and best kept away from Dejay's ass.

That's about it... well that, and there will be an option with sleeves this go around. I know that real men wear sleeveless, but this time I have to appease the nancy boys who don't quite got the guns to rock sleeveless. They will be making a very limited number of jerseys, so you'll want to buy in early and often. Actually they are making thousands of Bad Idea Racing Jerseys, but only going to release 200 of them to make them super rare and collectible. The remaining jerseys will be locked in a vault and brought out in fifteen years when everybody wants a Team Dicky throwback jersey.

That's all I can divulge for now. Brent and Ryan are watching my every move, and I am sworn to secrecy on the most secretest of secrets. Well that, and I forgot to adjust my bottom bracket on The Fastest Bike in the World last night, so I gotta get to that before I can head out and sling packages all day.

Fucking bikes.

Udder Domination

Yesterday I was ruminating on the fact that I won't be as fit as I would have liked for the upcoming Six Hours of Warrior Creek. I was afraid that it won't be so easy to attain last year's position on the single speed podium due to a certain lack of fitness caused by a certain lack of riding caused by no certain lack of overabundant mucus production.

photo cred: Cathie Docherty

In my early morning haze I had forgotten that standard podiums are no longer my goal. The regular rules of racing and class structure no longer apply to me, and even though The Moustache isn't here to direct the Bad Idea Racing Team I am sticking with the game plan for 2010; "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types". As I mentioned before the only member of the Industry Illuminati that I know for certain that will be attending is local cycling legend Arleigh Jenkins. Her internet presence is mighty, but her cycling performance is hidden in a shroud of mystery. Unlike future nemesi Mike Cushionbury and Tyler Benedict I have never faced Arleigh on the field of battle, so I will have to rely on my sharpened skills as a tactician and shit talker to overcome this nefarious foe.

So here are the top six (because six is a great number) reasons Arleigh Jenkins should FJEAR me at the 2010 Six Hours of Warrior Creek:

1) I only write one blog and an occasional article for Dirt Rag while she maintains thirty seperate blogs and Facebooks every hour on the hour. I barely have any time for actual training, so I have to assume that she has absolutely no time for training. I don't even think she sleeps, which would probably be useful at a twenty four hour race, but at a six hour race?? Not so much.

2) She rides like a girl. Never mind the fact that she is a girl, and thusly rides like a girl due to genetic reasons. Apparently I could ride like a girl too if I really wanted to, so let's just say the odds are even on that point although I get beat by girls on a pretty regular basis.

3) I have already been to this event before. This is not so much a matter of course knowledge as it is a matter of venue knowledge. I am familiar with the lay of the land, and I can assure you that I'll be in a hurry to cross the finish line as soon as possible so I can get one of the good parking spots at the awards party.

4) I've been doping. I'm not sure what benefit there is, in regards to cycling performance, to intentionally introduce impurities into an extremely pure semiconductor to change its electrical properties, but I hear it's all the rage in Europe. I hope it works out to my advantage because introducing impurities to semiconductors all winter was exhausting. All the squinting and tiny little handshakes...

5) My nutrition plan will not be entirely based on Trader Joe's All Natural Joe-Joe's Cookies like it was last year. That was a big mistake as I found myself trying to choke back dried out cookies for six hours. This year I will be eating something smarter... like saltines or perhaps sawdust.

6) If it comes down to a finish line sprint I am fully prepared. I've been watching Mark Cavendish outsprint the field on youtube for weeks, and I see how it's done. You just stand up and ride faster than the other guy making sure to give yourself enough of a lead to make a cocky gesture at the finish line.

"Hello, Sue George with Cyclingnews.com? Yeah, this is Dicky. I just completely and utterly dominated the cycling industry and media types at the Six Hours of Warrior Creek, and I'm ready for my interview.... hello....hello.... hello?"

BR-549

The original plan was to start "training" one month out from the Six Hours of Warrior Creek, and that mission was accomplished. Unfortunately I lost two weeks in the middle of that period due to illness, so I'm hardly optimistic about my chances of a repeat performance from last year. It kinda feels like I'm starting all over again, but at least this was the first morning I woke up and forgot that I was sick at some point in the recent past. Gone is the junk in my lungs and head and the pain in my larynx has subsided to tolerable levels. Bring on the pain... the pain associated with over training and not the pain that coincides with coughing spells and sinus pressure. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the podium so I can add to my collection of awkward podium moments.

I'm used to getting stuff in the mail from random members of society who read this blog. This weekend marks the first time that one of my bikes received a package addressed personally to them.

Bent Crank took some pity on The Fastest Bike in the World since it has had trouble recently eating saddle rails. Inside this box was a gift that has global implications.

This is the only NEW saddle that has ever adorned The Fastest Bike in the World since I took possession of it on Saturday, November 18th 2006. I considered leaving the hang tag on as an homage to the late great Minnie Pearl, but I was afraid the local hispter scene wouldn't get the historical reference.

Which makes me think... Where's our generation's Hee Haw? Who's our modern day Roy Clark and Buck Owens? No wonder this world is going to shit. Nobody's pickin' and grinnin' now, and that's a damn shame.

I might just go for this road ride on Saturday:

10th Annual CSC Training Ride
Harrisburg, NC

I went on this ride a time or two in the distant past, back when I considered going for road bike rides and option. This ride normally benefits the Giordana Clif Bar Team, but I got this message from the promoter a couple days ago:

As many of you know, we lost an active member of the cycling community last week. Adam Little was hit and killed by a car on his commute to work. Normally, the CSC Ride is used as a fundraising event for the Giordana-Clif Bar Team. But, in light of last weeks tragedy, this year the team will be donating a portion of the proceeds to the Little Family.

Not sure if I'll make it for sure, but if you're a local give it some thought. I didn't know Adam... well, from Adam, but the word is he was a stand up guy in the local cycling community, and his presence will be greatly missed. Since I make my living riding around in traffic all day this type of thing always hits pretty hard in my house, and my heart goes out to Adam's family.

THIS JUST IN:

Chilly Willy, man about town in the uptown of Charlotte, has 5,598 fans on Facebook. That's 5,326 more fans than Jeremiah Bisquick has right now. I wonder if Chilly Will has any sponsors? This man deserves a new Cannondale.

More road bike musings

Maybe I'll get the rest of this road bike thing outta my system today.

Big Worm joined me for my first ride on the new bike Saturday. We just did a short loop on the east side of town, but being that we were both slightly incapacitated from residual illness that was all we needed. All my doubts as to whether or not a new bike was worth it were put to rest. Everything I had hoped for was there; solid handling, stiff under acceleration, functioning shifty bits, comfort... you name it.

It may have seemed silly to plunk down one half of a shit load of $$$$'s on a road bike with things at work sucking ass as they currently are, but I swear I can explain. I had been saving up some money to do something silly for quite some time. I was considering building up a squishy mountain bike, but the Death Stick seems to have filled my need quite nicely (that's a bit of a guess right now since I've only logged one ride on it so far). I considered leaving the money on the pile in case I needed it one day, but bike specific money is bike specific money. I also felt a little "cheated" since I sold my Samurai almost two years ago thinking I'd do something special with the money, and never did anything more interesting than place it in the pile.

Basically I came to the realization that I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of passing on road riding happiness just because I was worried about whether or not I would ride a new road bike if I bought one. I've had no problems with dumping money into mountain bikes over the years, and yet most of those bikes came and went as my interests changed. Despite my passing fancy with al types of mountain bikes I feel like a road bike would be a definite long term investment.

Carbon fiber? Sure, it's what most road bikes are made from nowadays for a reason. I woulda loved to have a MOOTS Vamoots RSL, but even if I was still riding for MOOTS I don't think it woulda been in the budget. It definitely woulda been a lifer, but unfortunately it just wasn't an option. This bike just turns me on.
On my second day of new road bike ownership I headed out for one of my "never get more than five or so miles from my house but experience some high speed turns, 40MPH downhills, spikey climbs, and still bag twenty to thirty miles" kinda rides. I also threw in some gravel at the local greenway to get a feel for the bike in those conditions.

Yes, the purchase of this bike has me very enthused about the 2010 edition of the Tour de Burg. I've already got the time off work and a departmental approval from The Pie to attend. I only missed this event last year because of a conflict with the Breck Epic, but this year there's no stopping me. I hardly have aspirations of doing well even with the new road bike (in 2008 I did one road stage on a single speed MTB with slicks), but I do plan to get dropped closer to the finish line than the start line this go around.

I think that's enough about road bikes for now. I was going to go through my road bike history all the way from my 1984 Murray Official Bike of the Olympics ten speed to the $219 close out Yokota I "raced" on in college and beyond, but who wants to hear that? All I know is that road bikes represent some kind of freedom that can't be had on a mountain bike. A freedom I haven't felt for some time now, and a freedom I look forward to experiencing again... hopefully a freedom you won't have to hear about much in the future.

Unless someone has a specific question (worth answering) I will move on to more interesting things tomorrow.

Big news? Not really.

Some of you will be excited, some will be disappointed, and others will remain neutral and unaffected.

Yes, I bought a new road bike. As a matter of fact this is my first new road bike since 1991, the year of my second senior year in college, the year that YSU reinvigorated its cycling team, and the year I raced in the collegiate C class for DFL on a consistent basis.

This was not an easy decision, and I may ramble on for days talking about it. It was a lot of money to plunk down on a bike considering all the factors surrounding the purchase. I've already mentioned many times how slow things are at work, and the timing couldn't have been worse (last week was the slowest week on record), but I felt like it was now or never.

Watching the Paris Nice last Sunday was probably the breaking point, but I've been wanting a new road bike for a very long time. Some of you might remember the Colnago Mega Master I owned some time back (I bought the frame in used condition), and you might have thought it was pretty nice. It was an OK bike by 90's standards, but it was a sinking ship. The 8 speed 600 shifters were no longer functioning worth a damn, and the only option was to upgrade... to nine or ten speed. Such an upgrade would have also meant that I had to buy a new cassette, crank (or at least rings), and chain. That's a lot of money to throw at a bike with a threaded steer tube/steel fork and quill stem... easily hundreds of dollars. That's why the Colnago was sold and the DeBernardi built up with the same parts and a set of 7 speed downtube shifters that came off my '91 Yokota that would shift 8 speeds if you just pulled really hard past the last click.

From this...

to this

Riding around on 20lbs of whippy steel never really inspired me to do much road riding. To make matters worse I was still using the stock single pivot twenty year old Exage brakes that came on my 1991 Yokota. These things were so weak that I couldn't even lock up the rear wheel on flat pavement... hardly inspiring when trying to bomb off the Blue Ridge Parkway at 40+ MPH.

Back to the Paris Nice...

Every time I've watched pro cycling on TV over the last decade or so I've felt the same pangs of desire swelling inside me. I missed the freedom of road riding I used to enjoy from time to time. Just wondering how much better the experience could be if I threw a little money at the problem... but would I ride it enough to justify the expense? Would modern technology feel that much better? Would I have just been another victim of the marketing machine that is pro cycling? Would women really find me more attractive? Is that even possible?

Watching that Paris Nice from the couch shivering from my fever I felt like I needed to make the leap. I wasn't sure how to pull it off, but I would figure out a way. Now I have 16.2 pounds of happiness in my life, and not one single regret... all right, I always have regrets, but we'll get to those later.

16.2 pounds without pedals, as we all know some folks choose to ride without pedals. I guess they just shove their big toes in the threaded holes and go to town.

The only unfortunate part of Friday evening's build? Mike Piazza and I got a little excited and started pitching back the PBR's. I should explain that I bought PBR's for the sake of irony since I wasn't building a hipster fixie of a Surly Karate Monkey, but a fancy crabon road bike. Anyways, Mike got a little outta hand, and the next day when I woke up I found this in the bathroom:

Mike Piazza couldn't remember exactly what happened, and The Moustache hasn't been seen since some time Friday night. Mike Piazza said he would temporarily resume his role as head coach until such time as The Moustache returns. Mike Piazza has always been such a stand up guy, except when he's passed out drunk on the bathroom vanity covered in what he said was his own facial hair trimmings.

More road bike shit tomorrow, and until I feel like writing about something else that's all you'll get.

Sponsor news, bestiality, and sneak peeks

First off, yes I heard about Tony Kornholeser and the whole "run 'em down" thing. Funny thing is I've never heard about Tony Kornholeser before, and I'd be willing to bet there are a few million people who have just found out who he is in the past two days. Now Lance is going on his show to talk about the situation... Tony Kornholeser gets press and Tony Kornholeser wins. Hoooray Tony Kornholeser!!!!

More about me now...

I rode my clapped out, shit for shift road bike to work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and I'll be riding it again today. I'm taking it as easy as possible to get over this "thing" I've got, and my boss has been keeping me as close to town as he can in order to aid in my recovery. Even still I'm ending my days with @21 to 23 miles, so it's not quite bed rest. I think I should be close to 100% by Monday, but I basically lost ten to twelve days of prime "training". Oh well, as they say "whatever doesn't kill you will make you weaker for The Six Hours of Warrior Creek".

And now some random sponsor news and a sneak peak at the "big thing".

Raxter Racks has an all new, updated, slick looking, scrumpdillicious website.

I love my Raxter Rack, and I've already given it a glowing review awhile back, so no need to rehash the whole thing here. It's the best rack I've ever used, especially as far as hitch mount racks go. The superific thing you need to know is that if you really want one you need to contact me as I know the secret handshake that will get you a significant discount on a new rack. Let's just say I've got some compromising photos of Raxter inventor Mike Farney (organic produce is involved), and all my "friends" get to enjoy a little piece of the action. Contact me at teamdicky at hotmail dot com if you want some (no, I will not email you the photos). You will not be dissapointed, unless you order a rack expecting it to be packed in cotton candy, in which case you will be sorely disappointed.

And....

I told the folks at Backcountry Research they had it all wrong when they offered the original Whammer Deal. They were offering up one of each kind of strap they made (the Awesome Strap, the Back Forty, and the Alpha Niner) for $25 shipped (a $32.85 value).

I felt the deal shoulda been three of any kind of straps you wanted. Why?

When I do races with drop bags I put one of these in each one:

A nice preloaded Awesome Strap (standard size).

That way if I get a flat out on the course and I come into the aid station to resupply on flat repair stuffs it only takes me a few seconds to strap on the new goods. No loading them into the original strap, no stuffing my jersey pockets with a bunch of shit to have all flippy floppy on my back, and certainly no trying to shove three pounds of shit into a two pound saddle bag. No sir. I also keep preloaded straps in my pits at races that have "The ____ Hours of...." in the title for the same reasons.

I guess my people at Backcountry Research decided to listen to the voice of reason as they are now offering the all new and improved Whammer Deal any way you want it. Any three straps you desire are only $25 shipped to your house or the house of your choosing. You can go be all American about it and take three Alpha Niners getting $35.85 worth of straps for only $25, but I would suggest you get the straps you want instead of just supersizing for the sake of supersizing.

You know my drop bag strategy is pretty ingenious, so just suck it up, admit that I'm smarter than you are, and do as I say and do.

Don't trust my opinion on the Awesome Strap? Local Charlotte rider and up and coming blog celebrity Mutt decided to purchase a Back Forty based on my endorsement. He gave it a shakedown on his own and concluded that after his ride his strap was "Still tight as a shark’s ass". I am not sure how he could offer up such a colorful metaphor, but I'd be willing to bet Mutt isn't gonna be welcomed back to the aquarium any time soon.

This just in: Shark rapist endorses Awesome Strap, Backcountry Research asks to not be affiliated with shark rape in future endorsements.

Walz Caps is not a sponsor of Bad Idea Racing, but I do consider the couple caps I own to be my go-to lids. I got this email from them the other day, and I felt like you should know too:

___________________

Walz Caps is pleased to introduce our new line of cycling caps: Caps For A Cause. Each unique cycling cap in our Caps For A Cause line will highlight and support a worthwhile cause or nonprofit. Walz Caps will donate $10 from the sale of each cap to the chosen cause. Each quarter a new, limited edition cycling cap will be offered exclusively through our website.

This quarter we are supporting the people of Haiti in their struggle to fight back from the devastating earthquake in January. Donations will go to Save the Children- a nonprofit organization that is providing emergency relief to more than half a million children and families in Haiti.

Available for a limited time exclusively from WalzCaps.com.

Thank you people of Walz for caring and sharing.

The sneak peek I promised???

Yeah, that's it until Monday... assuming the UPS man doesn't do the old "ring and run" on The Pie today. Since this is a Friday delivery the chances of that happening increase ten fold, so don't get your hopes up too high.

P.S. While spell checking "bestiality" to avoid another spelling lesson from pro journalistic leech Mike Ferrentino I came across "Zootube"... don't go there. Seriously.

Thinking of a master plan

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Changes afoot

Still sick, but looking sick wicked.

There has been a big shake up here at Bad Idea Racing. It doesn't matter that I've been sick for the last week, the wheels of progress roll on. At a recent team meeting the topic of last seasons successes and failures was discussed. Apparently Bad Idea Racing went two and six over the course of the 2009 "season". That record may get you into the NCAA basketball tournament or a college bowl game, but some around the office are saying it's time for a change.

Although it's never been an option before now, management is considering the possibility of a high level move. Mike Piazza is being challenged for the role of head coach by none other than The Moustache.

The Moustache, while having a powerful presence and a certain appeal with the ladies, has no experience whatsoever with cycling, coaching, or anything other than facial adornment. The Moustache does however have a very out of the box approach to all manner of things, and that might just be what we need around here. It was The Moustache's idea to make a big move the other night (you'll find out about it when the press release is ready), and The Moustache even suggested that I eat my oatmeal from the far side of the bowl to burn more calories. The Moustache feels as though Bad Idea Racing has to be able to maintain a positive vibe for the duration of the season in order to avoid suffering an embarrassing defeat at the hands of the likes of Peter (as happened at the SSWC09).

That experience of last September was enough to force us all to rethink our lives. On paper it would have seemed that only in a bizzaro world scenario someone like Peter could defeat our star rider, yet someone fell asleep at the wheel and let it happen (no credit given to Peter for his lackluster effort for sure).

So look for some big changes around here. The Moustache does not allow mediocrity. The Moustache does not allow weakness. The Moustache does not allow complacency. The Moustache does not allow a cut and paste mentality to boost word count in a blog post. The Moustache...

The Moustache told me to stop that.

I've got a good feeling about this. I would say I feel bad for Mike Piazza, but he will still retain his roles as attorney, soigneur, dietitian, manager, IT guy, and skin exfoliator/hair depilatorator (a job he is willing to give up, so please send your applications to teamdicky at hotmail dot com). We here at Bad Idea Racing live a life with no regrets, or at least any that we admit, so if you have the ability to brush your past mistakes under the carpet with reckless abandon I encourage you to submit your resume.

My future's so bright....

I gotta wear a stocking cap to keep my enormous forehead from burning in its brilliance.

I'm feeling better

The Pie R.N. broke out the stethoscope last night and listened to my breathing. I learned a new word last night, or at least a new meaning for a word I already knew. The lower portion of my left lung is "consolidated" which means it's full of fluid and not filling with air when I take a breath. How cool is that? Not very cool at all. Any resumption of "training" will have to wait until this issue is remedied, so Warrior Creek (which is coming up in a few weeks) will be raced on talent and good looks unless I can cure this thing with a pot of coffee and some organic pop tarts.

Things have been happening since I got sick. The world doesn't stop just because I'm drowning in my own mucus... which sure beats drowning in someone else's mucus. I got a special delivery from my people at Bike29 on Saturday during my crazy haze period of illness involvement:

Apparently my camera was feeling a bit under the weather as well and was unable to focus on the task at hand. I'd love to tell you what was in the package, but suffice it to say it's top secret stuff which will make great bike race. No it is not a crabon frok, but if things go as planned that should be here as well just in time for the Six Hours of Warrior Creek... not that it will make me any faster, but I will look loads better which will help me with the "racing on my good looks" strategy.

Remember when I broke the saddle on The Fastest Bike in the World just as I started my "training" for 2010? Remember how I dug through my bin of old nasty and broken saddles for a replacement and came up with an old Selle Italia Flite? Well that saddle shit the bed too...

Even though The FBITW is eating saddles like a toddler eats Cheerios I still celebrated New Chain Day with great unbridled enthusiasm the other day.

New Chain Day usually goes like this. I notice the chain is a little slack while I'm at work, so I flip the bike over in the comfort of my bike room when I get home... at least when I finally remember to do so. I then take out my giant crescent wrench, make the necessary adjustments, realize the wheel is pretty far back in the drops, pull out my Park Tool CC-2, discover that my chain is well past the replacement mark, get pissed off since I leave my PT CC-2 laying on the workbench where I can easily access it so I can avoid wearing out my chain to the point where it will damage my cog and ring, and then go about the business of swapping the chain. Usually I pull a new chain from my case of 25 PC-1's, but this was one of those super special New Chain Days. I had finally saved up enough spare pieces of extra PC-1 to make an entire length of new chain which made it an extra special New Extra Chain Day.

There is very little in the world that is more satisfying than removing a noisy, used up chain from my drivetrain to replace it with a silent set of links derived from the cast-offs of countless predecessors that have since been sentenced to the garbage bin. The next day at work after New Chain Day is always such a fixed revelation, a quiet smooth transition of legs to power that can not be replicated on some ghastly geared beast.

Speaking of gears....

Ahhh, why bother tipping my hand. You'll just have to wait.

Wow, did Max Plaxton get run over or what?

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Still on shakey ground

I went to bed Saturday thinking I was gonna get up Sunday morning to head to Uwharrie for a nice ride on the Death Stick. After laying there coughing for fifteen minutes I left the warmth of my bed so The Pie would not be disturbed by my bellowing attempts to displace the mucus from my lungs. I grabbed the SpongeBob Squarepants comforter from the hall closet and headed for the couch, the literal manifestation of my coughing gulag.

I slept off and on through the frequent bouts of coughing until sometime in the middle of dark time. I woke up shivering and realized I never turned the heat back on earlier in the day. I couldn't imagine leaving the sanctity of my Spongebob cocoon just to walk down the cold hall to the thermostat to have to return to an even colder couch, so I just laid there shivering. I did remember that there was a frilly bridesmaid blanket on the back of the couch so I grabbed it and wrapped it around my head to seal in the heat I was losing outta my freshly shaved head. That was almost enough, but I was still chilled so I shoved my arms inside my shirt and my hands down the front of my pants.... awwww success.

I woke up feeling like total ass. Although I thought I was on the backside of this sickness Saturday afternoon I spent most of Sunday laying on the couch and in bed. No riding, no outside, no nothing. I even slept in today, so yet another shitty post for you this morning.

I swear I'll be better tomorrow. I got some stuff in my head to share this week, so be sure to check back. Now go wash your hands as I'm pretty sure what I have is so contagious it will transfer via digital means.

Don't get too excited

I almost decided to sleep in this morning. This week's "training" has gone as follows:

Monday: 1.5 hours of tooling around on the to Berserker fixie monster cross before I got busy at work

Tuesday: Repeat Monday

Wednesday: Try to repeat Tuesday, but feel a little off. End up with 1.33 hours of tooling.

Thursday: Figure out that I'm sick, grab the Fastest Bike in the World and take the shortest route to work.

Friday: Repeat Thursday

The weirdest thing about my illness is that my temperature has been below normal, like 3° below normal. Last night after sleeping with a hat on under an electric blanket I got myself up to 97.2° this morning. Scratchy throat, itchy eyes, throbbing sinuses... life has been good.

This is not how I planned things out, but whatever. I've pushed myself through sickness before enough to realize that all I ended up doing was prolonging the sickness. This weekend's ride will probably be moistesque (there has to be a ride), so getting better is a top priority.

With that said, I'm going back to bed. See you Monday.

Well if I can't beat Harlan...

Kind of old news to some, but Granny Gear has canceled the 24 Hours of Big Bear in West By God Virginia. Jason got the scoop, facebooked it, and now I sit stupefied. Anybody who did not have their head up their ass knows this was to be the 24 Hour Nationals for 2010, so according to the story it's going back to Moab... yawn. I woulda thought that the numbers for this year's race woulda been high enough to get their numbers up with it being Nationals and all, but I guess our new economy doesn't support $330 solo entry fees. Then again with races like the Burn 24 Hour Challenge offering the same experience at less than a third the price how could people still justify paying such an exorbitant entry fee? I never understood their pricing structure, and even though I know the Laird family and staff made a living doing this they had to see the writing on the wall. For their sake I hope they figure out a way to make it work in 2011.

Why do I care? In the back of my head I had considered racing for the SS National Jersey, being that the race was all east coastie and I'd have a Trans Sylvania Epic's worth of mileage in my legs. I guess now I have one less thing to think about... which will allow me to focus on this year's big goal:

Beat Mike Cushionbury

Photo ripped from Mike's facebook page

This is the pro looking version of Mike. No doubt some of Hollywood's best make up artists and lighting experts worked hard for countless hours to get him to look this good... not to mention the digital enhancements to remove the safety wires that lifted him off the ground to make him look all core and shit. If I had any inclination to believe that this is the real Mike I might be scared, but I know better.

Here's another photo of Mike from facebook:

This is not the whole photo. Mike cropped down the original image from it's true and very embarrassing form.

In the unedited version it is clear that Timmy and I were trying to console Mike. We found him crying in the starting gate before the start of the first stage of the BC Bike Race in 2007. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to finish the first day, and he had left his teddy bear back in Emmaus, PA so he wasn't sure if he'd be able to sleep without Mr Bojangles around to keep the monsters away. I let Mike snuggle with my Camelbak (we called him Mr Sweaty Bear) at night, and he ended up finishing the race in fine form crossing the line on day seven with his fist in the air screaming "That was for you Mr Bojangles!!".

I'm pretty sure that even with Mr Bojangles to sleep with at night I'll be able to beat this guy:

Obviously there is no need for me to come up with a smart ass caption for this photo since it speaks volumes about Mike. PBR is so passe'. Next time head for the mountains Mike. It's the new thing straight outta hipsterville... I got my eyes and ear on the skreets.

And in closing, how can I let this guy beat me?

I mean seriously... how?

Cush VS Dicky

Putting the "Epic" in the Trans-Sylvania Epic*

*Well at least I'll put the "Epic" in the Trans-Sylvania Epic while Mike works on the "trans" part.

Yes, he's just a sweet transvestite from the Trans Sylvania unh huh.

My plan is to beat Harlan Price (or not)

It is now the time on Sprockets when we make our bikes ready to make great bike race. That Feedback Sports Alping digital hanging scale (with 55lb capacity) is gonna be the death of me. My old worn out treads had to go to make way for something with some edges on it. I had a new Crossmark to replace the Ignitor in the rear and four 2.35 Rampages to choose from for the front. With the aid of my scale I decided to make my front selection based on weight... disturbing.

Two of the Rampages weighed the same:

A nice plump 750 grams for a front tire with plenty of sexy time knobs and volume.

The other two also weighed the same, but different:

Same tire, 40 grams heavier. That's almost a tenth of a pound of rotating weight, massive rubber knobbed rotating weight. Meh. I guess I now have one back up race tire and two tires destined for the Death Stick. I know this happens all the time, but having the tools to discover it in my own bike room? I will just have to think less about how much money I have in "heavy" tires and think more about how much faster I am with the reduction in rotating weight.

After all the tire swapping (and even more grip douchery) the Meatplow has come down in weight. It was originally...

but now it's getting a little more thin air climbing friendly...

That's over a quarter of a pound dropped with proper tire selection. Now I am well within striking range of having a sub twenty pound "race bike". Assuming my crabon frok gets here sometime this month I'll be showing up the Six Hours of Warrior Creek gun fight with MG42 full auto belt fed machine gun.

And if it doesn't get here? Well let's just say that I will shed a tear and hope for a brighter tomorrow. I feel it will probably most certainly be here before I get to my more climbing heavy races like the Trans Sylvania and the Breck Epic, so I'm just not gonna get too emotional if another month goes by sans crabon.

In other news...

Harlan Price, a man larger than the mountains he rides upon, announced his intentions to make a mockery of the single speed class on Cyclingdirt.com.

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How 'bout that? Another tired pro with swollen vertebrae looking to beat up on us unsuspecting single speeders. Maybe Gunnar has a spare cane for you Harlan. Anyways he will be racing the Trans Sylvania Epic and also four of the NUE Races on a SS, no doubt giving The Pflug a run for his money and pushing the little people one step further away from the podium. Harlan says he will focus more on socializing and fun, so perhaps this is the year we will see him doing kegstands the night before the Shenandoah 100. I do like his idea of winning the single speed Stars and Stripes jersey at Marathon Nationals in July and then burning it on the podium. This would be even better than my non-appearance at the 2006 24 hour Worlds podium ceremony, and a much more fascinating spectacle for Cyclingnews.com. Burn it Harlan, burn it like a... you know, it's pretty hard to think of a politically correct burning reference. Just burn it Harlan.

BTW: Harlan is racing for a good cause, so check it out: Team CF.